HOUSE SPY NEEDED

"Jay Tea, I, a black chick from Harlem, formally bestow unto to you, not just the authority, but the moral authority to speak about blackness...Now do keep in mind that I voted for GWB twice, loved Rudy G, wanted to smack David Dinkins quite a few times, never ever believed a word that Anita Hill said about my hero Justice Thomas and would love nothing more than for Hillary to have her clock cleaned come November 2008...So my blackness authority to give you authority (complete moral authority) may be a bit questionable...Nevertheless, consider yourself a brother and preach on my man...Preach on...
Feel free to use my name when folks question what makes you think you are an authority...Just tell them I, a black chick, from Harlmen, bestowed upon you this most precious honor...So there!
7. Posted by Adrienne Warden October 10, 2007 3:58 PM "

The following comments were lifted from a *wingnut* web site. [No links for you] I lifted a comment from one of my cousins named Adrienne, because I wanted every one reading this post to get an idea of what goes on in the mind of a house Negro.

So if you are reading this post, and you find yourself in sync with Adrienne, I really do need your help. I know we haven't always gotten along, and many of you (House Negroes) think I am nuts to spend so much time in the fields, --when I could have it so good in the house. But could you help me just this once?

If you do this for me, I promise I won't ask you for anything else.

Here is the deal; since you are in the house with massa, I need you to pay close attention when he is talking in whispers, or when he breaks off into a room and he thinks is out of earshot. I need you to do this because I have been sensing that massa is up to something and I can't quite put my finger on it. I don't know, massa has just been making me really nervous lately. All this talk about going to war with Iran, and on a domestic level, all this shit with the nooses, and the high profile right wingers race baiting on a regular; just have us field Negroes feeling a little nervous and uneasy. I mean I can tell you that we are seriously thinking of running away from the plantation. We are so frustrated and fed up with all the shit that's going on that we are actually killing and turning on each other in record numbers. We are turning our frustrations on each other instead of on massa, and that bothers me.

So come on house Negroes, when you get some information from massa could you pass it on to me please? Let's work together on this one. Just hook your brothers in the fields up just this once. I promise I won't tell massa you told me anything. You have my word as a field Negro, and you can relax, because your place in the house will still be secure.

House Negroes?

I need your help with this one.

I just got home from a cook out (if you can call it that) at the home of some very well to do friends.(Well, former friends if they read this blog) This dude and his wife have done very well for themselves. They are both lawyers, and they have both had very successful legal careers here in Philly. They have rewarded themselves with a very large and upscale home in the Huntingdon Valley area, which is a suburb just North of the city. (Those of you familiar with this area will know what I am talking about, and will probably have a better appreciation for how nice this house is)

So anyway, they invited the field over for a holiday cookout, and I reluctantly accepted. I remember that last time I visited their home. It was almost two years ago, and it was a house warming of sorts. I remember leaving early because I did not particularly like the cast of characters attending the party. In my humble opinion, they were house Negroes all, who got off more on talking about themselves than just having a good time. But what the hell, it's a holiday weekend, and I didn't have any other plans. I figured I could get some free grub, and hopefully the mix of my man's guests would be different from the last time.

The house is nice, straight out of cribs. Theater room, gym, swimming pool, the whole nine. I went in and said hi to the hosts. "Field nice of you to come, I didn't think you were going to make it." Yeah neither did I. Come on, I have some people I want you to meet." And so it begins, one house Negro after another, everyone more fake than the last. I am finally standing by their pool, eating some finger foods (I think it's goat cheese and some type of fried mushrooms or some shit), and this brother comes over to make small talk. "Don't get too close to that water bro, you know we can't swim." There is a white couple within earshot, I know they heard. In fact, I think he wanted them to hear. But as white people are so good at doing; they give nothing away. They want to wait and see what my reaction will be to my house Negro friends lame attempt to be funny. "Actually, I can swim, and when you say we, do you mean black people?" "Yeah you know the stereo type?" I do, but I feel like being an asshole, and so I pretend I don't. "No, I never heard that." "Field is from Jamaica, so I am sure swimming is not a problem for him." Saved by the host. He walks over, and formally introduces me to wanna be funny man and the white couple. He wants to make more small talk, but the field is ready to roll, because the food isn't all that, and the company is even worse.

I can't wait to get home to do some blogging. I am looking around the house, and the cook-out, is in full swing. More people are piling in, and the driveway, and the street lining the house is looking like a European car show. I am thinking about my blog, and the people who always comment. People like rykirah, Angie, hathor, Michael Fisher, jose, Francis, christian prog., max julian, and Chris ---Well, maybe not Chris; he is a Princeton guy, so he would probably fit right in---But I am thinking what would they think if they saw me in this big ass house surrounded by all these house Negroes? The field Negro ain't looking so field Negroish now is he.

But then I started thinking about something another blogger named Cobb, told me when we met a few months ago: He said that it's a good thing when black people get wealth, it's the American way. And isn't that what we are all striving for? Why knock black folks who get theirs and are clocking dollars? Isn't that we all should be doing? Instead of knocking them, shouldn't we be embracing them, and utilizing their wealth and influence to advance the cause?

So as I am driving away(yes I rolled) I am thinking that maybe it's me. Just because I didn't necessarily like these folks, it doesn't make them all house Negroes. These people could be all doing great things for our people and doing more than their fair share of giving back. But still, they sure seemed awful fake to me, and they were all trying just a little too hard.

I am back at my computer now, and I am asking for your help with this one. Is it me, or are these Negroes fake? I am thinking maybe it's a little bit of both.

I get tired of talking about racism too

I hate going after other bloggers, especially other bloggers of color ( I hope she doesn't mind if I say she is of color) But the following comments from a sister who calls herself Diva needs to be examined, because it's a scary mind set among some of my people that has been raring its ugly head more and more of late. Oh, and before I get into a rant, this is what girlfriend said:



"I get tired of talking about racism. I think black people are too often put into the position of being the ‘racism monitors’. No matter what other hobbies, interests, ideas you have all anybody ever wants to here from you is your view on racism. I think too many black people limit their lives because they are too preoccupied by racism, racism..." Translation: I get tired of being out in the fields. If I could just be in the house, with all its comforts and its advantages. Why must I be lumped in with other black people, why can't I just.. be "normal"?
................***sorry about that pause folks, I just thought about something :)




So anyhooo, I won't link her site, but I will link the site that led me to her. A wonderful Canadian blogger who titles her blog; "writing is fighting". Read the entire post with the links to this "Musings Of a Diva" lady, and tell me if it's just me. "Limit their lives"? You know what I get tired of? Dumb ass black people who buy into bullshit talking points like: victimology, and the other shit that house Negroes like to talk about. What is it with black people who get theirs, move on, and think that they are separate from the race that spawned their dumb asses? Don't they realize that every thing that black people do as a collective, every way that they are perceived, and ultimately, the way they are treated in the world, affects their dumb asses? I know, I know, I will not let my race define me, I will work hard pull myself up by my own boot straps..blah blah blah. ~~~That's me rolling my eyes and yawning~~~ Just because you happen to be enjoying your life free of racism, doesn't mean that it won't effect your children or, your own life at some point down the line. Racism is real, and it's effects are economic, social, and even spiritual (if you want to go that route). And if we choose not to recognize it, or call it when we see it, we (yes your dumb ass included) will be standing on someones back looking out the window of a gulag somewhere, wondering what the fuck happened to us.

And before you get it twisted (You meaning all you like minded people who preach the self sacrifice pull yourself up talking points crap) I am sure that I, like other like minded black folks do preach self help and hard work. When I talk to kids, I give them the speech my father gave me: Racism is real, and it's going to be here. But work hard, don't look over your shoulders, and try to be better than the next person at whatever it is you choose to do. But don't be dumb enough to think that the world is free of racism, or worse, bigotry. Because if you think that way, when you are confronted with it, think how much harder it will be for you to brush yourself off and get right back up again.



I have traveled all over the world, and I am here to tell you that racism exists every fucking where. Yes, even in countries dominated by a black population. In fact, in some cases, it is even stronger there. Because, my friends, the people in those countries have a mind set like Ms. Diva, and they have been influenced by racist views and influences to hate themselves. That is the saddest and most insidious thing about racism; it causes people to actually hate themselves. And for some reason, that I am still trying hard to understand, this form of racism affects black folks more than anyone of the other races.

So Diva, I get tired of talking about racism too. I would much prefer to dedicate this blog to Lark Voorhies and my life long quest to hook up with girlfriend. But hey; this is, after all, a blog, and I have to write about the shit that I see and that effects me on a daily basis. So until Lark calls and says; "Hi field Negro, this is Lark Voorhies; I hear you have been looking for me". My black ass will be talking about racism and every other ism that's making my world just a little more fucked up to live in right about now.

"Whitosphere vs. Blackosphere"

I want to post about something I saw over at My DD ,a progressive net roots web site whose primary focus seems to be the advancement of democratic party candidates.

 Now in the spirit of true disclosure, I have to say that I have posted on My DD from time to time, and I even link the site here on my own blog.

 But an African American blogger raised some very good points while posting over there about the lack of links to black bloggers on many of these so called progressive white sites, and the lack of black participation ( I think he said 2%) on the white web sites. So I thought that it was worth talking about. Now this brother-I think his name is Francis Holland- seems to have a (excuse this reference ladies) "hard on" for the people at Daily Kos (who apparently banned him from their site) and My DD. So I understand that there is an element of sour- grapes with his position. Still, he raised some interesting points, and this is a subject worth discussing among people of all colors on the Internet.

I understand that this is a touchy subject for many progressives, because 90% of the time blacks and liberal white progressives see eye to eye on many core issues and causes. But what about the huge elephant in the room? Yes, that one; race. I guess we have to ask ourselves: do we have to get along on the racial issues in order to come together and promote issues that we all care about? Can we practice a form of "blogger apartheid" -as Mr. Holland refers to it- on the net, yet come together around certain issues and politicians who we all support? Honestly, I am not sure I know the answer to that. I thought some of the responses the brother got to his post was really interesting. Some of the commentators were upset that he would inject race into such a "color blind" forum as the Internet. Yeah right, when was the Internet ever color blind? Give me a fu****g break! The Internet is no more color blind than any other aspect of society. (Like when I post as the field-negro folks don't know that I am black.) So that's a bogus argument, and it's the type of hypocritical argument on racial matters which absolutely drives me crazy. I saw where my man from My DD was defending Markos over at Daily Kos and declaring that "he is not a racist".  First, how the f**k does he know this? Because they are kindred spirits on matters of politics? I don't think so!

Now I thought  that Jill Tubman had the best answers and most thoughtful response to Mr. Holland's concerns, because she put the entire debate in its proper context: "White progressives address politics more directly whereas black bloggers are addressing it indirectly, as it affects us more as a community." I co-sign with her on that. If you read most black blogs we address political and social issues as they affect us as a community and not society as a whole. So maybe we can never really become truly as one with our white ideological soul-mates on the webs because our interests when it comes to day to day issues are so diverse.

Mr. Holland seems to be screaming for more black inclusion in the Whitosphere, and more black links to sites like Daily Kos and My DD, etc. This is where my man and I tend to part company. I personally could give a f**k whether My DD or Daily Kos-- or any of the other so called white progressive blogs-- link me or even include me in their discussion. Honestly, their issues aren't my issues. I know they have very strong political beliefs and are tied to the democratic party and its leaders; but not me, and this is going to surprise some people. But I would just as soon vote for a republican over a democrat if I thought that he/she had my people's best interest at heart. So I really don't give a f**k which party a particular politician belongs to. The reason I happen to despise most republicans is that they just happen to be the most f****d up when it comes to matters of race. But don't get it twisted;  a lot of democrats are just as f****d up when it comes to this issue. And I will never walk lock step with any one party. NEVER! This is what separates me from the Daily Kos and My DD crowd, and what I think ultimately might separate me from people who are crying for inclusion.

Call me a separatist, but I am more proud to be linked to sites like Skeptical Brotha, Freeslave, and Mirror On America than to the more popular progressive white sites like Kos, My DD, and their ilk. And, for the record, I have links to white sites on my blog as well. -My man konagod and the aforementioned My DD comes to mind- so maybe I am not such a separatist after all.

I am glad Mr. Holland raised this subject, as it needed to be addressed. But my position on this is pretty clear, although I understand the opposite school of thought: We should try to learn about each other and from a political standpoint, it benefits the democratic party to get  feed- back from its most reliable constituents.

But you can't force inclusion on people, I don't care how progressive they claim to be. We have given up on the republicans because we realize that they have given up on us. Maybe we should take that position with the democrats as well.

(Court) House Negro

I rarely blog about real sh** that goes on in my day to day existence, but I am compelled to put down some thoughts on what transpired with yours truly and a sister today in the course of doing my law hustle.

So here I was rushing into the court room to defend a client who was allegedly openly selling her...ahh body for money on a public street. She was charged with obstructing a public highway which is basically a glorified loitering charge here in Philly. Girlfriend had some priors so it wasn't just an in and out kind of deal. Still, given the nature of the charges, the field planned to plead out. Try to get non-supervised probation, and maybe community service, and be on my way. If I am really lucky, the arresting officer doesn't show up-hey, it's almost Christmas, cops have families too- and the Judge happens to be in one of those moods and throws out this bad boy.

So I go over to the Assistant District Attorneys' table, and as is customary, ask who is handling my case. Well low and behold it was a sister. I had never seen her before, and I am guessing she was just out of law school. Probably some Ivy League hook up like Penn, or Columbia. Folks, our District Attorney here in Philly loves Ivy league law school grads, especially of the Penn Law persuasion. Although Lord knows I don't know why. They get their asses kicked on a daily basis, and I am guessing some street smart kid that went to some state law school or an HBC would do a much better job out here in the real world. But I seriously digress. So here is this sister giving me the fuzzy eye ball treatment, just because.... I don't know, I wish someone could tell me. But I am guessing just because she...well f**k it, she is a house negro.

"Hi I am the field, and I represent Mrs. Brown (Not her real name), you must be new, what's your name?" Now folks, this is exactly what I said, and how the conversation went down. She then looks me up and down, and says something like: "I am A-D-A- Jones" (Not her real last name) So this is where it really went down hill, because I think I said something like: "I am sorry is your name Ada and you were spelling it for me?" She was not amused, nor did she see just how stupid and pretentious she was coming off. She literally threw the discovery file at me without saying another word, and proceeded to engage someone else in conversation.

Now here is my question: Just why does it have to be like this between us? Girlfriend clearly wanted me to know from the door that she was not my friend and she was not going to cut a deal. The irony is, that there are a number of white ADA's in her office who I consider friends, and who would have thought nothing of giving me a deal with this bu** sh*t case. But no, not the house negro, not black Marsha Clark. And there she was cheesing with an older white defense lawyer in the room, and totally ignoring the field. (I bet she gives him a deal) Now before you go thinking, oh field you are just being petty because girlfriend ignored you, so she bruised your male ego while just doing her job, get over it already. No, I can't get over it, because first of all it wasn't even about my ego. Yes girlfriend wasn't hard on the eyes, but it's not like she was a certifiable dime piece or anything. Hey, unless the Larkster herself disses the field, no diss is personal, not on a boy girl tip. Besides, this was a totally professional environment, and trust me, the last thing I was looking for was love.

But back to my question. Why do the house Negroes among us have to behave this way? From the white collar lawyer to the blue collar security guard. We uphold Mr. Charlies rules and we are his gate keepers. We do that sh*t with stronger passion, and with more energy than even Mr. Charlie does. We defend his store and all his things as if our lives depended on it, and we give no quarter, especially when it comes to other black people when a little give and take is all that's needed. And don't tell me that you haven't experienced it. You know what I am talking about; the lady at the customer service desk who won't let you scratch your ass without a picture I.D., the security guard who is all too willing to shade you while you browse through Massa's store-meanwhile the white haired old lady is robbing the place blind-and the cop-remember that scene in Boyz N the Hood?-who will let you have it a little harder just because you look like him, and you embarrass him because you are out doing the sh** you do. So this was ADA Jones, the "gate keeper", but only for other n****rs not Mr. Charlie, after all, she is working for him. Or so she thinks. So she has to impress him, and show him that just because she is one of them doesn't mean that she can't be tougher stricter in her actions, even if it means bending over backwards to f**k them. It's why I am never surprised when a black police officer is involved with the questionable shooting of another black man. The Negro must protect the house at any cost.

"Mr. Field are you prepared with your case?" " Yes I am your honor." "Is the Commonwealth ready?" " No your Honor, we are not, it seems Officer Kelly (Not his real last name) is unavailable, he might be on vacation your honor." " You honor, the defense is going to ask that this matter be dismissed as this is the second listing, and they weren't ready the last time." "Defense request granted, this matter is dismissed!" I am looking at ADA Jones, and I think her makeup is starting to run. I wonder if she knew that this was the second listing?

Sorry black Marsha Clark, you should have taken the deal.

"Thank you your Honor, may I be excused?" " You may field, and have a nice day." You too your honor, and have a happy holiday."

The look on a house Negro's face as my client switches out of the court room. Priceless!

The HNIC Race

Folks it's election season and the field has got the fever. In fact, I am so passionate about these upcoming elections that I have decided to declare my candidacy for HNIC. [If you have to ask what a HNIC is you should not be reading this blog] Anyway, my opponent is the long time incumbent, the house negro. [Yeah he has been the HNIC for a long time now] And he will be running a well funded, and slick campaign.

So I collected some money from my fellow Negroes in the fields, and headed down to the local T.V. station to produce my latest campaign commercial.....

OK my spot is done, and I have a transcript of it for you. Check it out!

Narrator's voice: Every year the house Negroes promises you that things will get better, that with a little hard work, and creativity, you too can one day become the HNIC. He has promised you higher wages, safer neighborhoods, and a choice of schools where you can send your children.~~~~picture of school children playing in the background~~~~ But has the house negro delivered for you? The field-negro says no. Instead, you are left with decaying neighborhoods, rife with abandoned buildings and crack addicts on every corner. Money that should be spent to make our neighborhoods safer, is being sent to places like Iraq to fund an unnecessary war; a war which the field-Negroes opponent, the house negro, supported and continues to support. Instead of higher wages, jobs are leaving the areas around our cities and heading to states where big corporations pay new workers minimum wage. They are heading to suburban areas where you cannot afford transportation to be able to go to work. The house negro opposes gun control, but he supports tougher sentencing, and less alternative sentencing for judges. ~~~~picture of a prison in the background~~~He supports cutting social programs like midnight basketball leagues, head start, and after school programs, but building more prisons and hiring more police officers. Is this the kind of HNIC we want? This November, let's vote out the house negro, and make the field negro the HNIC. ~~~~picture of field negro holding Lark Voorhies hand and walking through an inner city neighborhood with children jumping rope in the background~~~

Field Negro appears on the screen: Hi I am field-negro, and if elected HNIC, I promise to make it the way it was for us before the house Negroes got their power. Before the house Negroes sold out our neighborhoods to the mega churches, the big developers, and the tobacco and liquor cabal. Before the house Negroes decided that it was good to send just a few of our children to better schools while the majority of our children suffered. Before the house negro decided to give up on our neighborhoods and move away to be closer to his benefactors. Only to come around during election time to ask for our vote. Well I say no more, it's time to send the house negro back to the house to fetch massa's slippers where he belongs. ~~~~actual film clip of house negro fetching massa's slippers~~

I am field negro and I approved this message.

Yeah, I think I like that one. Now if I can just get Lark Voorhies to cooperate.