Who decides who makes you happy?

*

I just caught the latest Tyler Perry flick. (Fellows, please forgive me, I had no choice. I owed Mrs. Field a chick flick.) So anywhoo, after seeing that movie about the perils of young and successful black folks hooking up, -Perry might have been on to something I thought about a post I saw from a brother over at AOL Black Voices. In the article he writes about people hooking up, or not, if they so choose. And people who judge other people based on what would make them happy, or, societal mores which, based on their own experiences, they think that we all should follow.

I know a sister, for instance, who happens to be a very attractive and successful attorney. She is single, I am guessing she is pushing 40, and I am pretty sure that she has no children. Other than in the courtroom (where she can be a Pitbull) she seems to be the happiest person in the world. Yet brothers are always going all Dick Tracy on old girl. "Field, what's up with her? Is she Gay or what? How come she hasn't hooked up with anyone?" I also know married couples with children who likewise seem happy and well adjusted. I know folks who are Gay who I could put in that same category as well. And, of course, there is the flip side. I am sure that I could point out folks in the categories I just mentioned who are not quite as happy and well adjusted. Point is, there is no set formula for happiness. Not when it comes to relationships.

This brother over at AOL Black Voices wrote:

"A good friend finds herself irritated by the incessant chatter about the "single black woman" phenomenon. She confides that she recognizes the challenges that many black women face in pursuit of love and she feels for them, but she's coming from a different place. At age 38, she has no interest in walking down the aisle, settling down or raising children. She never has. Therefore, the logistics and statistics for finding a good (black) man don't mean a lot to her on a personal level. Perhaps, she's a bit of a loner that way, but she's definitely not alone in how she feels. It's true, however, that love, marriage and a baby carriage are high on the list of most single women and preferably in that order. Women are socialized to believe that being a mother, with a loving husband in tow, is the holy grail of womanhood..."

That last sentence might be true, but I don't think it makes it right. This is going to sound strange from someone who is always preaching about the power of the collective. But when it comes to relationships, I am of the opinion that it should be all about the individual and what floats their particular boat.

So when I read where the brother wrote this:

" I understand that protecting our comfort zones is high priority. The doors become unhinged and the walls weaken when we feel threatened by people who believe and behave differently than the traditional manner most of us are accustomed to. Whether it's being openly gay, having an open marriage or, as in this case, declaring open season on the Pollyanna notion that all straight women want the same thing, society still gets its panties twisted up in a bunch at the thought of such things. The only thing most of us want open is our mouths so we can bark about how wrong a person is. And, if the spirit hits, we'll commence with stoning people with Bibles in the public square or on comment boards.As Erykah Badu states it at the end of her new video, "people assassinate that which they do not understand." To my friend (and everyone like her), continue to be you. People will always sound the alarms simply because someone sets fire to their safe and neatly packaged belief systems." [Link]

I was glad it's Sunday cause I wanted to say Amen!

*Pic courtesy of BET.com.

Callling Dr. Ruth.

Tonight's post is all about bad relationships. One story is from right here in my area, and the other one comes from far away Detroit.

Let me start with the Detroit story because this one takes the cake. (Or should I say the car)

When I hear sisters lamenting about the shortage of good black men, I feel their pain, I really do.

And you honestly can't blame a sister sometimes for looking past certain bad traits in their men if the good ones far outweigh the bad ones. But there are certain things that one should not ignore in a relationship no matter what. Like when, for instance, your man steals your car on your first date. That shit is just not cool. I mean the woman was nice enough to go date night in her whip and you steal it?

"FERNDALE, Mich. - Police in Michigan say a first date went from bad to worse when a Detroit man skipped out on the restaurant bill, then stole his date's car.
Police say 23-year-old Terrance Dejuan McCoy had dinner with a woman April 24 at Buffalo Wild Wings in the Detroit suburb of Ferndale. The woman says the two met a week earlier at a Detroit casino and she knew McCoy only as "Chris."

The woman told police that McCoy said he left his wallet in her car and asked for keys. He then sped away in the 2000 Chevrolet Impala.

The Daily Tribune of Royal Oak reports that police identified McCoy by a photo he'd sent to the woman's cell phone, and his phone number. McCoy is charged with unlawfully taking the car, a five-year felony. He waived a preliminary exam and was bound over for trial Thursday. "

Story here:

What the hell is wrong with these brothas in Motown? Not only does he stiff her with the bill, --That's what you get for going to "Buffalo Wild Wings" on your first date-- but when girlfriend went outside her car was gone. That is some gangsta shit. (Oh field how do you know it's a brotha? They didn't show his picture. Stop it!) Anywhooo, that shit was fowl, but it's not always the men who behave badly.

Take this case, for instance. This brotha went Jack Johnson on us, but the results are no different: Another bad relationship. (Field how do you know it's an interracial relationship? They didn't show his par amour's picture. Stop it!) This brotha, like the one in Detroit, ended up in jail, but in his case it seems his milk might be clean.

"NEVER imagined my duties at the Daily News would include providing couples' counseling.
But there I was, on a three-way phone call this week with Maureen Picozzi, who lives in Wissinoming Park, and Tyrone Jeffreys, who's locked up at the city's House of Corrections.
I'd received a letter from Jeffreys, 29, asking for help.

In May, Picozzi, 27, told cops that Jeffreys - her ex-boyfriend and father of her child - had broken into her house, screamed at her, then taken her keys and car without permission. Police arrested Jeffreys, who has been incarcerated ever since, unable to post 10 percent of his $50,000 bail.

The thing is, Picozzi now says her story isn't true. She told me that she'd lent Jeffreys her Ford Crown Victoria, so he could look for work. When he returned it, they got into one of their huge arguments. Exasperated, she said she concocted her story to get Jeffreys "out of my hair."
This isn't the first time, Picozzi told me, that she called the cops on Jeffreys, on pretenses that "weren't always true."

A few years ago, Picozzi said, she accused him of rape. He got locked up. The charges were dropped. They reconciled.

Another time, she told me, she said Jeffreys had assaulted her. He got locked up. The charges were dropped. They reconciled.

And in January, she got a restraining order against Jeffreys - but kept in touch with him anyway.

"I said he abused me," said Picozzi, who's between jobs right now. "I was sick of him coming around whenever he wanted."

Both of them figure that, in the last six years or so, Picozzi has called 9-1-1 "maybe 10 times" to report crimes by Jeffreys - "some happened, some didn't," she said."

The rest of the story here:

Hey, I know; maybe Dejuan's date and Tyrone could hook up. I am just saying.