Thirteen cars? Damn Mr. Morton, you could open your own used car lot. And here I thought that only brothas liked nice whips. You must have a little black in you after all. But hey, if you have seven houses I guess thirteen cars makes sense. That's almost two to a house, so no harm no foul, right? Man you should be on cribs or some shit. Thirteen cars? Are you sure you don't do a little rapping on the side Mr. Morton? For your sake I sure hope that they are all automatics, because whenever I look at you it doesn't look like you can do too much with those arms of yours, so driving a stick would be kind of difficult....oh field that was cold, that was not called for. Don't make fun of the man's limitations. Sorry, I don't know what came over me.
But seriously, do you mean to tell me that Mr. Morton couldn't have gotten rid of some of his rides before he decided to run for president? I hear that a bunch of them are over four years old. What does he need them for? Thank god the O man got rid of his Negro Bentley, also known as the Chrysler 300. (Has there ever been a car that black folks love more?) But then... come on now O man, I know you are trying to identify with the people, but a Ford Escape? You are running for president of these divided states, and you drive a Ford freaking Escape? Nothing against folks who drive Ford Escapes, but....Digression alert! Let me stop, this isn't about you, it's about Robin Leach's favorite candidate.
So anyway, among Mr. Morton's cars is a Lexus (bad Mr Morton, that is not an A-merry-can car. And didn't you say that you only drive A-merry-can cars?), a Lincoln (bad Mr. Morton, that is not an environmentally friendly car), and a 2008 Jeep Wrangler (want to trade for a slightly used one?). According to some conservatives, we should leave Mr. Morton alone, because most of his cars are over two years old and they are all inexpensive. Really? Since when is a Lexus, or a Cadillac CTS inexpensive? But even if that's true, it only makes him extravagant and stupid. Mr. Morton, if you can afford thirteen cars, you should at least invest in good ones. I hope if you are elected you don't run the country like that.
But like the houses, this too will pass. Mr. Morton can do no wrong to most A-merry-cans. Besides, with thirteen cars he can damn near relate to every A-merry-can and what they are driving. Own a Volkswagen? Mr. Morton has one. Own a Honda Accord? Mr. Morton has one. Drive a Ford F Series? Mr. Morton has one of those too. See folks, he is a regular man of the people, he has got every one of us covered. This adds a whole new meaning to the term used car salesman, doesn't it?
