I sure hope the White House has a big ass garage.

Thirteen cars? Damn Mr. Morton, you could open your own used car lot. And here I thought that only brothas liked nice whips. You must have a little black in you after all. But hey, if you have seven houses I guess thirteen cars makes sense. That's almost two to a house, so no harm no foul, right? Man you should be on cribs or some shit. Thirteen cars? Are you sure you don't do a little rapping on the side Mr. Morton? For your sake I sure hope that they are all automatics, because whenever I look at you it doesn't look like you can do too much with those arms of yours, so driving a stick would be kind of difficult....oh field that was cold, that was not called for. Don't make fun of the man's limitations. Sorry, I don't know what came over me.

But seriously, do you mean to tell me that Mr. Morton couldn't have gotten rid of some of his rides before he decided to run for president? I hear that a bunch of them are over four years old. What does he need them for? Thank god the O man got rid of his Negro Bentley, also known as the Chrysler 300. (Has there ever been a car that black folks love more?) But then... come on now O man, I know you are trying to identify with the people, but a Ford Escape? You are running for president of these divided states, and you drive a Ford freaking Escape? Nothing against folks who drive Ford Escapes, but....Digression alert! Let me stop, this isn't about you, it's about Robin Leach's favorite candidate.

So anyway, among Mr. Morton's cars is a Lexus (bad Mr Morton, that is not an A-merry-can car. And didn't you say that you only drive A-merry-can cars?), a Lincoln (bad Mr. Morton, that is not an environmentally friendly car), and a 2008 Jeep Wrangler (want to trade for a slightly used one?). According to some conservatives, we should leave Mr. Morton alone, because most of his cars are over two years old and they are all inexpensive. Really? Since when is a Lexus, or a Cadillac CTS inexpensive? But even if that's true, it only makes him extravagant and stupid. Mr. Morton, if you can afford thirteen cars, you should at least invest in good ones. I hope if you are elected you don't run the country like that.

But like the houses, this too will pass. Mr. Morton can do no wrong to most A-merry-cans. Besides, with thirteen cars he can damn near relate to every A-merry-can and what they are driving. Own a Volkswagen? Mr. Morton has one. Own a Honda Accord? Mr. Morton has one. Drive a Ford F Series? Mr. Morton has one of those too. See folks, he is a regular man of the people, he has got every one of us covered. This adds a whole new meaning to the term used car salesman, doesn't it?

House Negroes?

I need your help with this one.

I just got home from a cook out (if you can call it that) at the home of some very well to do friends.(Well, former friends if they read this blog) This dude and his wife have done very well for themselves. They are both lawyers, and they have both had very successful legal careers here in Philly. They have rewarded themselves with a very large and upscale home in the Huntingdon Valley area, which is a suburb just North of the city. (Those of you familiar with this area will know what I am talking about, and will probably have a better appreciation for how nice this house is)

So anyway, they invited the field over for a holiday cookout, and I reluctantly accepted. I remember that last time I visited their home. It was almost two years ago, and it was a house warming of sorts. I remember leaving early because I did not particularly like the cast of characters attending the party. In my humble opinion, they were house Negroes all, who got off more on talking about themselves than just having a good time. But what the hell, it's a holiday weekend, and I didn't have any other plans. I figured I could get some free grub, and hopefully the mix of my man's guests would be different from the last time.

The house is nice, straight out of cribs. Theater room, gym, swimming pool, the whole nine. I went in and said hi to the hosts. "Field nice of you to come, I didn't think you were going to make it." Yeah neither did I. Come on, I have some people I want you to meet." And so it begins, one house Negro after another, everyone more fake than the last. I am finally standing by their pool, eating some finger foods (I think it's goat cheese and some type of fried mushrooms or some shit), and this brother comes over to make small talk. "Don't get too close to that water bro, you know we can't swim." There is a white couple within earshot, I know they heard. In fact, I think he wanted them to hear. But as white people are so good at doing; they give nothing away. They want to wait and see what my reaction will be to my house Negro friends lame attempt to be funny. "Actually, I can swim, and when you say we, do you mean black people?" "Yeah you know the stereo type?" I do, but I feel like being an asshole, and so I pretend I don't. "No, I never heard that." "Field is from Jamaica, so I am sure swimming is not a problem for him." Saved by the host. He walks over, and formally introduces me to wanna be funny man and the white couple. He wants to make more small talk, but the field is ready to roll, because the food isn't all that, and the company is even worse.

I can't wait to get home to do some blogging. I am looking around the house, and the cook-out, is in full swing. More people are piling in, and the driveway, and the street lining the house is looking like a European car show. I am thinking about my blog, and the people who always comment. People like rykirah, Angie, hathor, Michael Fisher, jose, Francis, christian prog., max julian, and Chris ---Well, maybe not Chris; he is a Princeton guy, so he would probably fit right in---But I am thinking what would they think if they saw me in this big ass house surrounded by all these house Negroes? The field Negro ain't looking so field Negroish now is he.

But then I started thinking about something another blogger named Cobb, told me when we met a few months ago: He said that it's a good thing when black people get wealth, it's the American way. And isn't that what we are all striving for? Why knock black folks who get theirs and are clocking dollars? Isn't that we all should be doing? Instead of knocking them, shouldn't we be embracing them, and utilizing their wealth and influence to advance the cause?

So as I am driving away(yes I rolled) I am thinking that maybe it's me. Just because I didn't necessarily like these folks, it doesn't make them all house Negroes. These people could be all doing great things for our people and doing more than their fair share of giving back. But still, they sure seemed awful fake to me, and they were all trying just a little too hard.

I am back at my computer now, and I am asking for your help with this one. Is it me, or are these Negroes fake? I am thinking maybe it's a little bit of both.