Wednesday, December 13, 2006

Dear Lord, Please Let Mr. Johnson Be Alright!

I don't know about you folks, but the field is heading to church right about now, to send up a few calls to the big guy. Why you say? Well it seems that Senator Tim Johnson, a Democrat from South Dakota suffered what seems to be a stroke earlier today, and was taken to George Washington University where he is currently being diagnosed.

Now I know that not everyone is a political junkie like yours truly, so I will attempt to explain in a nutshell just how significant this little development is: First, you must understand, that the make up of the United States senate currently stands at 49 Republicans and 51 Democrats. A tie in this venerable body, and the deciding vote would go to the sitting Vice President, who in this case, happens to be a man with some health issues of his own. Yes folks, that would be the brown shirted one, "Dead Eye" Dick Cheney.

So that loud music you hear-sounds like Celebrate Good Times by KC & The Sunshine Band to me-is coming from the studios of FAKE NEWS, and the White House. Because if this poor man were to...well lets just say not be able to serve out his full term. The Republican Governor of South Dakota would appoint his replacement; and just what party to you think that white male would come from?

Now folks, and I really shouldn't be saying this....ahhh f*** it , I am going to say it anyway, I smell a rat! Yeah I said it, something ain't right. "Field what are you saying? Surely you are not implying that there was some nefarious things going on with the good senators illness are you?"
Well let's just say that most people hear about this poor man falling ill, and immediately they think about his family and well being, and they pray that he gets well, not for political reasons, but so that he can lead a normal life. Some people-the political junkies among us- hear this and wonder about the political ramifications in Washington, what it could mean for the make up of the senate etc.? But not the field, and not the other low down conspiracy buffs and cynics among us who think just like the field does.

Because honestly, I must confess, that when I first heard about this, I immediately thought of that poor former Russian spy, Alexander Litvinenko. This poor man was given a healthy serving of a radioactive isotope called Polonium 210, which ate away at all of his vital organs until he died a slow painful death. Of course every one immediately thought that the "evil" Russian Premier Putin and the people running the Kremlin were behind it. So now the field is field say it ain't so, you are not thinking what I am thinking you are thinking are you? Hey, all I am saying is that I sure hope Karl Rove can give an accounting of himself over the past 24 hours. Because if not......

Look, I wonder if people realize how much is at stake here. We are talking about billions of dollars in military contracts, supreme court Justices to be nominated, billions of more dollars to be approved to fund this war effort, and important political appointments to be made. You don't think that there are certain types of poisons that could easily be slipped in a senator's glass while he was giving say a press briefing to a bunch of reporters? Hey, I am just thinking out loud here, there of course is no basis in fact for what I am saying, but it sure makes you wonder doesn't it?

" Yeah we need one, just one. How about the Specter guy he is old? Yeah but he is in pretty good shape, plays squash in Philly damn near every day. Besides, he just had that cancer thing, they will have a pretty good medical report on him" Mmmm how about that black one? Barack Osama or whatever his name is? No, too young, and too high profile, it would be too much of a story, too much scrutiny, we can't afford that. Well how about Hilary? No, there goes that high profile thing again, it would be too much of a big story. Yeah but we could kill two birds with one stone. A presidential candidate and a senator. Mmmmm, no, still too risky. How about Menendez in Jersey? Not bad, but they have a Democratic Governor they would just put another one of their own in. We need an obscure state with a Republican Governor, and the guy has to be kind of old. Mmmmmm...Hey, I have just the guy!"

This just in, this just in! Spokesperson for Johnson says it wasn't a heart attack or stroke that he suffered. And according to spokeswoman Juliane Fisher, whatever he had "it was caught very early"

Thank you big guy thank you! The field promises to pray more often, and I will go to church this Saturday.

Now can we please get a 24 hour guard on that man? I will go down there myself and help take care of him if I have to, send in the FOI, send in the Guardian Angels. Hey, our Republic is at stake.


Tasha said...

I heard about that this morning and the first thing I thought was conspiracy or setup. The first reports indicated stroke, but then I heard seizure. I'm glad that he seems like he's going to be alright. I joke about it all the time, but if Mr. Cheney were to get his way, I might just have to make a move to Canada. *starts practicing "Oh Canada" just in case*

Anonymous said...

I know how you feel. I live in Michigan, and I've had my eye on the border since Bush became president.

DivineLavender said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
plez... said...

I'd be lying if I didn't think CONSPIRACY when I heard the news that morning, but what do I know? I still get a queasy feeling about Bush and 9/11 ... that Cynthia McKinney is nuttier than a fruitcake, but she may've been on to something with that one!

Think about it: still no WMD's, still no Osama Bin Laden, still no end in sight in Iraq, and still no impeachment proceedings for the Liar.

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