Friday, March 02, 2007

You might be a field negro if.....

One question that often comes up among my acquaintances who know my handle when I blog is: "Field, how would I know if I am a field negro or a house negro? I mean I see you with this blog, and you seem to be inimical to the house Negroes, so how do I know where I stand?"

That's a fair question. And I previously gave some tips on this very blog on how to identify the house negro. So now, to be fair, I think it's time I gave some tips on how one would know whether he or she is a field negro or not as well.

So again, with my apologies to Jeff Foxworthy, here are just a few ways that you can tell if you are a field negro:

1. If you look at the suffering of people in places like Darfur, Angola, and Iraq, and you feel genuine pain for them, well then you might be a field negro.
2. If you would rather read a good history book (any history)than watch BET, then you might just be a field negro.
3. If you think the biggest threat facing America is from those among us who are ignorant, bigoted fear mongers, and not Muslim terrorist, then you just might be a field negro.
4. If you think all citizens of the world are equal whether they were born within our borders or not, then I sense a field negro.
5. If you have watched at least five Spike Lee joints in your life (any five even Crooklyn) then you might be a field negro.
6. If you are feeling Nia Long, Lisa Raye, and Dawn Robinson, but not Halle Barry,Tracy Bingham,or Naomi Campbell, then you just might get this field negro thing.
7. If you are feeling Don Cheadle,Denzel Washington, and Djimon Hounsou, but not Cuba Gooding, Terrence Howard, or Samuel L. Jackson, then start looking for your field negro card.
8. If you were hoping OJ's sorry ass would get off, but knew he was guilty, well you just might have this field negro thing down.
9. If you always exercise your right to vote, not because you trust politricksters, but because you know what those who came before you had to go through to give you that right, well then you just might be a field negro.
10. If you have read Noam Chomskey, Franz Fannon, or Chinua Achebe, then you might just be a field negro.
11. If you value where you live more than what you drive, well then you might be a field negro.
12. If you hold down more than one job just because you can, well congratulations, I think you just might be a field negro.
13. Speaking of jobs, if you are working and going to school, well then you might have this field negro thing pretty much wrapped up.
14. If you think the sybaritic excesses of America is way too much, well then my friend, I think you are a field negro.
15. If you don't trust anyone with an offering plate and a promise, well then you might just be a field negro.
16. If you always want to learn more no matter how much you have accomplished, well step right up, because you might be a field negro.
17. If you think Paris Hilton is a restaurant in France, good for you, you might be a field negro.
18. If you believe that America could not have been the industrial power it is without the blood sweat and tears of your ancestors, well then you might be a field negro.
19. If you don't prejudge things like music,clothes, and places, well then you might just be a field negro.
20. Rule #19 applies to people as well (unless of course it's a white male over 50 :))
21. If your "bling" consists of just a wedding ring, a watch or a chain that your dying momma gave you, well then you just might be a field negro.
22. If Negroes who white people love makes you nervous, (see Oprah, Barack, and Tiger) well then welcome to the fields.
23. If you have a criminal record because some white person called you nigger in the past, well then you might have anger issues, and could be a field negro.
24. If you understand that there are white folks out here who have more in common with you and all the above traits than some black folks, well then guess what; you just might be a field negro after all.
25. If you tuck your child(ren) into bed every night, well then you just might be a field negro.
26. If you think Malcolm was just as important to the civil rights struggle as Martin, well guess what,you might be a field negro.
27. Finally, if you read this blog at least three times a week, I am thinking that you are more than likely a field negro :)

OK, I gave you 27 things to kind of lead you in the right direction to field negrodom. Now if you still can't tell if you are a field negro with all that I gave you.... well, there is a lady named La Shawn with a blog you might like to read.
***Before, I go, I think the frat boy is visiting the folks in Alabama tomorrow. Must be nice, just one day after that tragic twister hit, he is going down to Bama to give them his moral support and his ahem ahem prayers. But are you thinking what I am thinking? Yeah I know; why the f**k didn't he visit the poor victims of Katrina a little F*****G sooner? "George Bush doesn't care about black people". Damn it Kanye you might be right!


C-dell said...

I did not fit into all of those, But it leans about 78% toward field negro.

Christopher Chambers said...

I refuse all labels. All I say is we got to fight the power and slam these cheesedicks any way we can...

Just so you know that goof Colmes actually stood up to Hannity and laid it on the Rush character, discrediting his assertions.

field negro said...

c-dell 78% sounds good to me.

christopher, I hate labels too. These are just tools my man, just tools ;)

Anonymous said...

Well, I got 21 out of I pass?


Glad you hate labels. Been fighting labels from both Black and White folk all my life.

Chris said...

Sweet, I qualify. Where's my sign up gift?

Anonymous said...

field -- please please write a collection of essays because you just keep hitting the nail on the head.

Cynthia said...

I know I'm a Field Negro, but I like Halle Berry, Cuba Gooding Jr, and Samuel L. Jackson...

field negro said...

Thanks for the kind words aulelia, but I will do that only if you promise to do a British version :)

Cynthia, you are allowed a couple of slips. There is no doubt in my mind that you have your field negro card firmly secured.

nyc/caribbean ragazza said...

All I have to say is, this is priceless.

I wonder how most of the folks I deal with in Hollywood would score on such a test?

plez... said...

You had me scared there for a minute , I didn't think I was going to make it, but the last couple of questions got me in the field (I think) ... and I feel so much better, since my wife and sister constantly tell me that I belong in the house! LOL!

field negro said...

LOL Plez!

Scrappled said...

Holy shit, I might actually qualify since most of those items fall under the headings of common sense, decency, humility, and good taste.

Then again, my dad's family is from Montenegro, so this all makes perfect sense. :)

Forgiven said...

If field negroes don't wear capri pants, sign me up!

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