King George Strikes Again!

In the not too distant future, thanks to King George's latest edict by way of yet another "signing statement". The little scene I am about to describe to you between the field, his mail man, and the homeland security people, could be all too real.

So it's a beautiful Saturday morning and the field heads to his mail box to pick up his latest bills, and fan mail :) But lo and behold, to the fields dismay, all three pieces of his mail seemed like they were opened and resealed. The field is suspicious, so he tracks down his mail man as he gets into the mail truck a couple of blocks away.

FN: Hi mail man.
MM: Hi field what's up?
FN: Hey mail man, I couldn't help but notice that my mail seemed like it was all opened and resealed. I mean one I can understand, but all three pieces?
MM: Yeah field, it happens. I have been noticing more and more of that lately.
FN: Yeah, well what's up? Are you guys doing it?
MM: No field, you might want to call the homeland security people. Apparently they have been given the authority to do that, even over the objection of our Postal Inspector.
FN: You are kidding me! When did that happen?
MM: Well, apparently last month, congress signed some new Postal Legislation Act, and one of the provisions allowed homeland security to inspect your mail for national security purposes.
FN: Really? Well I am an attorney, and the last time I checked you needed a search warrant to open first class mail in this country. Unless of course you guys-the post office- have reason to believe that there is hazardous materials such as a bomb being sent through the mail system.
But not an innocent looking piece of first class mail from my sister in Seattle.
MM: You are an attorney? Well how come I didn't get a Christmas tip from you this year?
FN: Sorry MM, this was a slow year for me.
MM: Oh. So anyway, you will have to call the homeland security people and take it up with them.
FN: Thanks Mr.Mail man, I think I will.
~Rrrrrrrring, Rrrrring~
FN: Yes hello, is this homeland security?
HS: Yes it is.
FN: Hi, yes, this is the field negro, and I notice that my mail was opened today, and the mail man said you guys did it. Could you tell me what the f**k gives you the authority to open my mail?
HS: Ahh yes field negro, it's a little thing called the LAW! You have heard of the rule of law haven't you? I know that's not a popular thing with you Negroes.
FN: What law? Look, I happen to be a lawyer, and I know of no such law that allows you to open domestic first class mail without a warrant just because you feel like it.
HS: Yeah well you need to go back to law school field. You must have went to one of them Negro Law schools. Look, have you heard of a little thing called a "signing statement?"
FN: Yes I have, it's what the President uses to instruct his executive branch on how to interpret and carry out new laws.
HS: Well go to the head of the class field negro. That is correct. However, our President kind of see them a different way. We have been using them to reserve our President's right to revise, interpret, or disregard laws on national security issues.
FN: But that's not what signing statements were meant for.
HS: Under our Kin...I mean President that's how they will be used.
FN: But you can't just do that, heck Congress can't even veto these signing statements so their is no checks and balance on the executive branch.
HS: I know, isn't our leader brilliant?
FN: Come on man, to quote the leader of the ABA, Michael Greco, "this practice is harming the separation of powers"
HS: Oh get over it, you lawyers are always crying over something.
FN: Well how about REPUBLICAN Senator, Susan Collins, of Maine saying: "I was absolutely surprised, there was nothing in the 'Postal Reform Bill' that any way diminished or changed the privacy protections for domestic sealed mail"
HS: How about it? She is just one Senator, who doesn't get it. The President needs to protect the American people. She lives in Maine, it's not like terrorist are going to go there anyway. Of course she isn't afraid of a terrorist attack. Look the President said he needs to do this for "foreign intelligence collection" and I believe him.
FN: Do you really think a terrorist is going to mail instructions via the postal service to one of his cohorts hiding out in Dearborn Michigan some damn place? Give me a break!
HS: Are you a lawyer for those communist the ACLU field?
FN: I am not saying, besides, you should know, haven't you been going through all of my mail?
HS: Well you sure act like you hate America to me.
FN: Look, I love America as much as the next guy, but your President is out of control. The guy has had more than 750 of these signing statements for crying out loud! That's more than all the Presidents combined in history.
HS: Hey, desperate times call for desperate measures.
FN: Look I gotta go I have wasted enough time talking to you homeland security people.
HS: Hey field, your sister seems really nice, you really should visit her more often.
FN: STAY OUT OF MY DAMN MAIL!

Later for those guys, I think I will watch some T.V. Hey, it's Tony Snowjob, and he is talking about King Georges latest little excursion into the Constitution to take away yet more of our rights. "What the signing statement indicates is what present law allows, in making it clear what the provisions are"????????????

I need a drink!

Oh, and one final thing. I want to acknowledge and say goodbye to fellow blogger Dell Gines, who is taking some time off from blogging to do some serious work in his community. Dell was one of the first brothers to acknowledge my site and put me down on his blog roll. I will never forget that, and not to mention the way he reached out to me when I was struggling to get this blogging thing off the ground. We need more people like Dell in on the WWW dropping knowledge to all of those who will read.

Still, there are some good people left. All the regulars to this site come to mind. Good people all who have some serious writing skills and who really care about the sh** they do.

So bye Dell, you will be missed, but thank God the torch won't go out just yet.

The field is out.

The Pursuit Of Happiness

Over the holidays I went to check out my homey Will Smith's new flick, "The Pursuit of Happyness". A true story about a self made millionaire, and his struggles with his young son out of poverty. I gave it a thumps up, and I won't front, that bad boy had me tearing up from time to time. But you know me, as usual, I had some issues. Not so much with the movie itself, but with the basic premise of the movie, and some of the hoopla surrounding it.

I will explain: Folks, I have some serious issues with people making parents who do what the f**k they are supposed to do with their children out to be heroes. My home town paper, the "Philadelphia Inquirer", had a front page piece on black fathers who are doing a good job as parents, and how this particuler movie should inspire more to do so. Sorry, I can't glorify Fathers -black or white- who want some kind of recognition for doing what they are supposed to do in the first place. So Will Smith's character being a loving and caring father throughout the movie is what I expected, and unlike I am sure 90% of the movie audience, his doting over his young son did not move me one little bit. I was more impressed with how he had to struggle to overcome the obstacles that were facing him, and his perseverance to make something of himself.

So now that I have got that out of the way, let me mention something else that bothered me. Well, besides Thandie Newton's skinny behind. Thandie, it's called food, you should try it sometime. Is she competing with Nicole Ritchie to see who can disappear first? Geeez!
But back to the movie. There is a scene where Will Smith's character talks about life liberty and the pursuit of happiness; and he pontificates about the the brilliance of Thomas Jefferson inserting that little clause, "the pursuit of happiness" in the Declaration Of Independence. Will's character becomes fascinated with the whole idea of pursuing happiness, and understands that the authors of the declaration did not mean that we should have a right to happiness, just the right to pursue it. This is when the light goes on for him, and to him, this is what life is now all about, it's what motivates him, and ultimately leads him to a life of success and wealth, and off the streets of San Francisco.

But it got me to thinking. Just what is so great about that little clause; "The pursuit of happiness?" Why is that a good thing that Americans value the pursuit of happiness, right up there with life and liberty?I mean I get the whole John Locke thing, and the new settlers trying to carve out their own utopia away from mother England. But maybe that's what's wrong with our country. Too many people just pursuing happiness. It's probably why we have so much crime and violence-can't pursue happiness without money-and probably why we have so much selfishness, and ultimately such a shallow population of people. Quick, who is the Prime Minister of India? Don't know? Quick, who was the lead singer of Destiny's Child? I know I know. Of course you do; Beyonce is helping us pursue happiness. Who isn't happy every time we see that booty shaking?

Maybe Thomas Jefferson, when he inserted that little phrase, didn't realize that there would be so many things to make us happy in 2006. It seems that there is so much happiness and the pursuit of it in America, that everything else is way on the back burner. We will do anything to be happy wont we? Take drugs, spend all day on our PlayStations, drive around all day in our whips, chase the skirts....hey, just pursuing happiness. And my question to black folks is this: Just what the f&*k are you so happy about? It's a laugh a minute with us. I mean my man Tom Joyner does some good things, but have you ever listened to his show in the morning? Yuck yuck yuck just a constant laugh track with that crew. Happy! Pursuing happiness on the radio, what a great formula for success. Especially with black folks. But the framers might have been smarter than we thought. Stick that clause in there, and keep black folks pursuing happiness, they will be too preoccupied with that pursuit to do anything positive with their damn lives. And when they realize that they are not happy; just still poor broke and miserable, they won't look at us, we just guaranteed them the pursuit of happiness. No one ever told them that they would be happy.

Why can't we pursue spiritual gratification, peace of mind, a healthy outlook on life, self worth, and dignity? I mean if we had all those things, or at least strive for them, wouldn't we be happy? It just seems that we have it all backwards that's all. Pursue happiness and hope the other stuff should come, when it should be the other way around.

In the movie, Thandie's skinny behind does a ghost move on Will. -She just wasn't happy, Will never had any money and she was always working- so in her pursuit of happiness, she left the most precious commodity she, or any other human being can have, her child. Isn't it ironic, by pursuing her own happiness she hurt the one she should love and made his life unhappy, leaving poor Will to pursue the happiness all by his lonesome.

I hope I didn't ruin the movie for you. Again, it was good and definitely worth seeing. So please don''t let my ruminations dissuade you from seeing it. Once you get over Thandie and the whole Darfur chic thing, you will be fine. Just remember to keep the whole pursuit of happiness thing in perspective. Before we can get to the happiness part, we have to go through the pursuit; and trust me, the pursuit part is hard work. As long as we understand that folks we will be fine, then we can enjoy the happiness part a whole lot more.

Before I go, I want to give some props to Oprah Winfrey. Yeah I know I have been hard on girlfriend in the past, and I have killed her before on this site. But you know what? Girlfriend just dropped 40 million of her own money to start a school for troubled girls in South Africa, and that's alright with me.

Now some folks are complaining; "why couldn't she have done that here in America?" Well get over that s*%t. Why should she? It's her money, and there are plenty of very good schools and opportunities here in America already. Our kids don't need more schools , they need less Play Stations, and MP3 players. They need to get their lazy behinds in some books and get motivated. All the money in the world won't help some of our kids over here, it takes something much deeper, and Oprah realizes that. She realizes that these girls in South Africa are motivated, and they will make a difference in their country one day.

In the fields book, that's all good, because the world does not end at our borders.

So go on Oprah with your bad self, I might even have to reconsider my Aunt Jemima comments about you.

The field is out.

Now What?

"O death where is thy sting? O grave where is thy victory?" ~1 Corinthians 15:55~

The "butcher of Baghdad" is history. Yes folks, right around 10:00 PM EST on December 29,2006, the bearded one went to hook up with some virgins in paradise-or so he thinks- compliments of a very big rope and some Shiite hangmen. So now comes my question; was it worth 3,000 American lives, thousands and thousands of Iraqi lives, and billions of our hard earned dollars? That was a rhetorical question. Of course it wasn't. And giving an evil son of a bi**h his just deserts compliments of a hangman's fancy noose does not make my answer to that question any different.

It's worth repeating here; Saddam was a bad man, and I for one am not shedding any tears over his death. But what was he convicted and ultimately hung for? Well it seems he killed 148 Shiite men at a place called Dujail for plotting his death. So he did what any despot who wants to hold on to power by any means would do; he killed them. Mmmmm, if we use that moral standard, I would have to take a serious look at the frat boy as well. I mean, isn't one of his real motivations for going after Saddam that fact that the man tried to have his father assassinated? Talk about payback. -Vengeance is mine sayeth the frat boy. That will teach him to mess with the Bush family. Seriously folks, I would have wanted Saddam dead too, but not at the cost of 3,000 of my own people. I think the frat boy took this payback sh** a bit too far.

And here is hoping that the bad perm lady and the frat boy do not think that this little hanging will solve our problems over there. Because like every thing else, they botched this as well. First and foremost, the man should have been tried at the Hague for his crimes against humanity. Not in Iraq by a propped up Shiite court for revenge killings against a bunch of Shiites who tried to have him killed. To reasonable people all over the world ( I said reasonable people) this just looked like a glorified revenge killing by the Shiites, and will only help to further inflame the hatred the Sunnis have for the Shiites in that country. The Shiite hangmen were even caught on tape mocking Saddam while he tried to pray before getting his rope necklace permanently fitted for his throat. That's not good; even an animal like Saddam deserves to be allowed to pray to his God as a final act before his death. A more dignified International trial would have prevented this spectacle, and all involved (even the Sunnis) would have viewed Saddam's trial and ultimate execution as more legitimate.

So where do we go from here? Does the frat boy sleep a little better at night knowing that he has put his sworn enemy to death? Can we be now assured that there will be no more terrorist attacks on our shores? Are our children and grandchildren now going to be assured of a brighter and safer future because Saddam is gone? Let me answer that for you: No! All this will do is create more haters of the great "secular nation" to the West, and create more internal strife within Iraq. Now I might be wrong, but I doubt it. I haven't been wrong before about the prosecution of this war, and I am going to bet that I am not wrong now.

On December 29,2006, we created a martyr, and further inflamed hate an anger among two groups of people. As I sat watching the images of Saddam proudly walk to his ultimate faith, refusing the death mask in bold defiance, I couldn't help but feel a sense of admiration for him. Admiration not for his heartless and immoral acts against his people, but for his balls, and courage when the end for him was just seconds away.

I bet others will see what I see as well, and if they are Arab and Sunni, that is an image they will want to cherish, and ultimately emulate. This of course will only reassure us of one thing, and that is that the war on terror will be going on for a very long time to come.

Before I go, I want to wish everyone a happy new year. I have no new years resolutions; I find them pointless and a complete waste of time. Every day should be like a new year, and every morning that you wake up you should be resolved to do something positive with your life, or for your family and your people. What I remember about this year-besides all the obvious like the war etc.-was the incredible amount of talent us black folks lost to the "grim reaper". From Luther, Wilson, and Lou. To Eddie, James, and Gene. I swear that if there is a heaven, there is going to be some serious jamming up there when those dudes get together.

Oh, and one final thing: Speaking of James Brown, it never ceases to amaze me how some folks can make fun of our icons, and the people that black folks hold in high esteem. I always thought James Brown was an American icon and not just a black one. And yet, I see the folks over at the conservative web site Wizbang having some fun with his death. (Check out the posters that follow up the caption) . I have not always been a big fan of Rev. Al, but damn it, he is one of ours, and those "brown shirts" over at Wizbang are way out of line.

The field is out, but I am back in the fields, and my mind is racing.

Bye Godfather!

So the Godfather of soul is gone; damn this one hurts too. He dropped so much good sh**, that I can't even begin to name them. More importantly, he helped change the way us black folks view ourselves. "Say it loud I am black and I am proud..." Did I have some issues with him? Sure I did. Like the whole corny "Living In America" thing he did for that "Rocky" movie. And some of the personal issues that he had was way too public. But hey, who among us is perfect? And if anyone deserves a pass for some of the sh** he did, it was JB.

So go on with your bad self James, you left us with lots and lots of great memories, and all of us will be moving our feet to your sh** for years to come.

Folks, I am blogging from the road, so this post, as you can see, was very brief. But I had to comment on the passing of JB.

I can't wait to get back to Philly to start really posting again. There is so much sh** that I want to talk about and share with you. Anyway, just three days and counting, and I will be home sweet home.

Peace.

Some White Folks Get It

"Unconventional Wisdom Listen up, white folks: Your racism cuts deeper
By Alfred Lubrano
Inquirer Columnist

Two weeks ago, I wrote a column about white racism. What about black racism?, dozens of you wrote me.
How come I didn't mention the inappropriateness of ESPN analyst Michael Irvin's opining that Dallas Cowboys quarterback Tony Romo (of Mexican descent) must have had an ancestor who copulated with a black man to account for his superior skills?
Irvin, who is African American, is foolish , but that's hardly the point. I didn't think I had to say this because it's so obvious:
America is a white-majority country. When one group has substantially more power than all others, its biases, prejudices, and mouth filth matter more.
And if whites possess the keys to the White House, the executive suite, the law firm, the construction company - not to mention the gun lockers in the police stations - then what they think about black people has greater weight and consequence than what black people think about them.
Of course, black people can be as prejudiced as whites. I've lived it. On a day I thought would be my last, a group of black guys beat me down on a New York subway train; years later, black demonstrators spit on me and opened my head with rocks. In both cases, my only sin was skin color.
But lots more black people than whites have endured systemic, organized violence in this country. And my ancestors walked off the boats that brought them here unchained.
From when I was a kid, the croaks of racists slimed my ears. Today, neighbors in rural South Jersey take me for a coconspirator, referring to "them people" and identifying certain farm weeds as N-word-heads. In white neighborhoods everywhere, you can hear far worse.
Crime. Unwed mothers. Dope. Black problems, right? When I tell people that the white Appalachian neighborhood in Columbus, Ohio, I once covered had the precise same pathologies, they stare at me dumbly.
It's poverty, not melanin. It's class-based misery. It's watching your kids crawl around without Pampers or hope. It's sucking down Ho Hos and malt liquor because the sugar and the buzz feel better than the boredom and terror of each day.
White working-class people I know erroneously believe that government programs such as affirmative action give African Americans unfair advantages.
If they had a genie's wish, I ask white folks, would they beg for their kids to turn black so they could enjoy all those goodies?
I lived below the poverty line for four years in New York and I still had it better than lots of black people.
It is true that working-class white people live tough American lives.
But store owners don't automatically think they're criminals, and their kids don't have to be warned not to mouth off to cops for fear of getting tortured with a plunger.
Some psychologists of race will go so far as to say that white prejudice is proactive, while black prejudice is reactive. America began with whites thinking of blacks as animals and property. U.S. history then moved to cross burnings.
We've since progressed, but if your people get lynched and shot enough times, you might develop suspicion of all the guys with the ropes and guns.
Today, lots of people are learning to interact. But racism is a hard-to-kill bacterium. How do I know? Many of you readers told me so, with acid e-mails and racist phone messages.
You hate that a white guy is saying this. White people have to say this. Or we're not getting anywhere."

Folks, whenever I read a column like the one above, I realize that there is hope for our country, and that there are white folks in this country who really do get it. I almost never lift an entire article but this one from my home town paper, The Philadelphia Inquirer, was too good not to share with the rest of you. Yes, I loved the article, and I also loved this letter to the editor from a lady by the name of Laura Modon from Havertown, Pennsylvania:

"Your article gave me hope for the future of this country and the world.

In my estimation, you are one of a minute group of men with white skin who 'get it' and who have the courage to say so. (The others who come to mind: former President Jimmy Carter;Bono; former President Bill Clinton; professor and author Jared Diamond.)

In everyday life, there are fewer still whom I have met; my own father was one. You constitute a tiny minority of pale skinned males who acknowledge the understand that the poisons of hatred and bigotry- ignited by greed and ignorance, and initially released over 400 years ago in the forms of conquest and slavery-still permeate this land.

Talk about toxic waste. But their exists a cure; the necessary 'superfund cleanup' is very simple. It is truth, and its vaccine is education."

Damn that was deep. Right on Ms. Mondon, how soon can you open a school to bring others to that place where you are? Your sh** was profound!

The field is heading out of town for a few days for a little R&R and of course the Christmas holiday. I will bring my laptop of course. Hopefully, I will be able to do the whole mobile blogging thing while I am on the road. We will see.

Enjoy your Christmas, and go Eagles!!!!!

"It's A Part Of Us"

"If I knew then what I know now I would have picked my own damn cotton"

~~Observed by the field on a bumper sticker~~~ The field does not know the author~~

I bet a few people in the little town of Pikeville Kentucky might be thinking about that quote right about now. Yes my friends, it seems our ugly little problem of race in this country has risen its pesky little head again. This time, it's yet another bru ha ha over the confederate flag. The stainless banner, formerly known as the stars and bars. That symbol of the Southern past that so many Northerners love to hate, and so many Southerners declare is a part of their heritage. "Our fore fathers died for that dere flag...heritage not hate....and on and on"

So let's take a look at the latest little racial problem shall we: It seems that a Kentucky High School actually uses the flag as a part of their mascot, and the" stainless banners" are all over the place. Oh, did I mention that the school is 99% white and the school board, the parents, and all concerned in the little town of Pikeville Kentucky, are just fine with the way things are? "I have colored friends around here and they never say anything". So says 18 year old cheerleader, Tiffany Owens. Well of course Tiffany, what do you expect them to say? "If you cracker mother fu***rs don't take that flag down, me and my three homeys are going to burn this school down". And make no mistake, the kids know that they have a problem. If they didn't before, they certainly became aware of it when a rival team , the David School, refused to play them in a state high school basket ball playoff game. Why you say? Well it seems the David School has one (yes I said one) black basketball player, and he happens to be the only one in all of Floyd County. So when they play this particular school, he gets the full southern hospitality treatment when he steps to the free throw line. Seems like there is a clause in the Kentucky Athletic Association rules against taunting. Yep, I guess a gym full of white people waiving the confederate flag ,and some lone black seventeen year old at the free throw line would f*****g qualify as taunting. Let's just wait and see how the Association rules on this one, it should be interesting.

But I gotta give it to the good people of this little Kentucky District, they sure are sticking to their guns. When one school board member, Mickey McGuire, had the audacity to question the practice; Lorena Hall, the schools principal, said basically that every few years someone like McGuire will "stir the pot", but after it blows over, I am sure it will be business as usual. Ahh... whatever that business happens to be. Gee, we sure hate to "stir the pot" in Kentucky, don't want to interrupt that little Shangrila tucked away in dem dere hills. Hey, it's as if time stood still right? Those niggers are still colored, still know their place, and you are still proud of your confederate symbols. The war of Northern aggression rages on; they might have won some battles, but they have yet to win the war. How can they win, when there are still people tucked away in little enclaves and homes just like the ones in Pikeville Kentucky.

And speaking of Kentucky, just when the f**k did they become a real member of the confederacy anyway? Hey, it's not like you people are in Georgia, or Alabama some damn place. You guys along with Missouri just got added as an afterthought to make up the thirteen states, so what makes you think that you share this great confederacy heritage? Well at least you all do share one thing in common, you hate niggers, and you wish you had won that damn war, because then, at least they would have know their place.

Instead, you are left with this. All this national scrutiny, all this political correctness, telling you people how to live your lives. It must be hard. If you only had your own coloreds to deal with it wouldn't be so bad, but now, because of this mouthy school board member, and this damn basketball game, you have the national spotlight on you. I don't know Mrs. Principal, maybe this one won't blow over so quick. You might just have to pull down those symbols after all. Remember what happened to Ole Miss? They had to suck it up, and hide allot of their outward images of the confederacy too. Seems they couldn't recruit dem niggers to come and play ball for them, and they were sick of getting their asses kicked by the other schools in the SEC, who had no such OPEN symbols on display. Of course, they won't have that problem in Floyd County, after all, they are a high school team, and they don't have to go recruiting niggers from all over the South to play ball for then. Still, they do have to deal with the ones from the the other schools' basketball teams. Like that little uppity one, Ken Honaker, who said: "It really makes me mad...it brings back slavery and what happened to my ancestors"
Now boy don't you know this ain't about your ancestors, this is about Southern pride, it wasn't about all that slavery stuff. Didn't you hear what principal Hall said: "It has nothing to do with racism... it's a part of us".

Ms. Hall, I think I am going to agree with you on this one, it is a part of us, all of us, and it ain't going away anytime soon.


Oh, before I go, it seems I was tagged by my dear sister Mahndisa. Something about the six weirdest things about yourself. Mahndisa I will have to think about that one and get back to you. Although I think I can give you two right off the top of my head: I had a pet rooster named Oliver once, and I drink my coffee with sweetened condensed milk....Just give me some time, I will come up with four more.

The field is out.

(Court) House Negro

I rarely blog about real sh** that goes on in my day to day existence, but I am compelled to put down some thoughts on what transpired with yours truly and a sister today in the course of doing my law hustle.

So here I was rushing into the court room to defend a client who was allegedly openly selling her...ahh body for money on a public street. She was charged with obstructing a public highway which is basically a glorified loitering charge here in Philly. Girlfriend had some priors so it wasn't just an in and out kind of deal. Still, given the nature of the charges, the field planned to plead out. Try to get non-supervised probation, and maybe community service, and be on my way. If I am really lucky, the arresting officer doesn't show up-hey, it's almost Christmas, cops have families too- and the Judge happens to be in one of those moods and throws out this bad boy.

So I go over to the Assistant District Attorneys' table, and as is customary, ask who is handling my case. Well low and behold it was a sister. I had never seen her before, and I am guessing she was just out of law school. Probably some Ivy League hook up like Penn, or Columbia. Folks, our District Attorney here in Philly loves Ivy league law school grads, especially of the Penn Law persuasion. Although Lord knows I don't know why. They get their asses kicked on a daily basis, and I am guessing some street smart kid that went to some state law school or an HBC would do a much better job out here in the real world. But I seriously digress. So here is this sister giving me the fuzzy eye ball treatment, just because.... I don't know, I wish someone could tell me. But I am guessing just because she...well f**k it, she is a house negro.

"Hi I am the field, and I represent Mrs. Brown (Not her real name), you must be new, what's your name?" Now folks, this is exactly what I said, and how the conversation went down. She then looks me up and down, and says something like: "I am A-D-A- Jones" (Not her real last name) So this is where it really went down hill, because I think I said something like: "I am sorry is your name Ada and you were spelling it for me?" She was not amused, nor did she see just how stupid and pretentious she was coming off. She literally threw the discovery file at me without saying another word, and proceeded to engage someone else in conversation.

Now here is my question: Just why does it have to be like this between us? Girlfriend clearly wanted me to know from the door that she was not my friend and she was not going to cut a deal. The irony is, that there are a number of white ADA's in her office who I consider friends, and who would have thought nothing of giving me a deal with this bu** sh*t case. But no, not the house negro, not black Marsha Clark. And there she was cheesing with an older white defense lawyer in the room, and totally ignoring the field. (I bet she gives him a deal) Now before you go thinking, oh field you are just being petty because girlfriend ignored you, so she bruised your male ego while just doing her job, get over it already. No, I can't get over it, because first of all it wasn't even about my ego. Yes girlfriend wasn't hard on the eyes, but it's not like she was a certifiable dime piece or anything. Hey, unless the Larkster herself disses the field, no diss is personal, not on a boy girl tip. Besides, this was a totally professional environment, and trust me, the last thing I was looking for was love.

But back to my question. Why do the house Negroes among us have to behave this way? From the white collar lawyer to the blue collar security guard. We uphold Mr. Charlies rules and we are his gate keepers. We do that sh*t with stronger passion, and with more energy than even Mr. Charlie does. We defend his store and all his things as if our lives depended on it, and we give no quarter, especially when it comes to other black people when a little give and take is all that's needed. And don't tell me that you haven't experienced it. You know what I am talking about; the lady at the customer service desk who won't let you scratch your ass without a picture I.D., the security guard who is all too willing to shade you while you browse through Massa's store-meanwhile the white haired old lady is robbing the place blind-and the cop-remember that scene in Boyz N the Hood?-who will let you have it a little harder just because you look like him, and you embarrass him because you are out doing the sh** you do. So this was ADA Jones, the "gate keeper", but only for other n****rs not Mr. Charlie, after all, she is working for him. Or so she thinks. So she has to impress him, and show him that just because she is one of them doesn't mean that she can't be tougher stricter in her actions, even if it means bending over backwards to f**k them. It's why I am never surprised when a black police officer is involved with the questionable shooting of another black man. The Negro must protect the house at any cost.

"Mr. Field are you prepared with your case?" " Yes I am your honor." "Is the Commonwealth ready?" " No your Honor, we are not, it seems Officer Kelly (Not his real last name) is unavailable, he might be on vacation your honor." " You honor, the defense is going to ask that this matter be dismissed as this is the second listing, and they weren't ready the last time." "Defense request granted, this matter is dismissed!" I am looking at ADA Jones, and I think her makeup is starting to run. I wonder if she knew that this was the second listing?

Sorry black Marsha Clark, you should have taken the deal.

"Thank you your Honor, may I be excused?" " You may field, and have a nice day." You too your honor, and have a happy holiday."

The look on a house Negro's face as my client switches out of the court room. Priceless!

Letter To Santa.

The field just got home from yet another trip to the mall, and I must say that it's still amazing just how this particular holiday can transform people. I know, it's just eight days before Christmas, so what else should I expect. Anyway, what I remember about this particular trip was that Santa Claus himself was in the middle of the mall. He was taking pictures and Christmas wishes from all the little ones who were all more than delighted to have their pics taken, and to have the ear of the jolly one himself, if even for just a couple of minutes.

So I was thinking, since I didn't have time to get in line, and because people would laugh at me anyway-field get out of there you are way too old to be visiting Santa-I thought I would pen the big guy a letter in the privacy of my own home. No pressure,no screaming kids, and no crowds to mess up my train of thoughts.

So here goes:

Mr. Santa Claus-AKA Jolly St. Nicholas
Santa's Workshop
North Pole, Alaska 99705


Dear Santa:

I hope this letter finds you in your usual good spirits as you get ready for your big day. Or should I say, big evening. First, I would like to apologize for my fellow Philadelphians booing you and throwing snow balls at you during that football game back in the day. I know it was a long time ago, but I had to clear the air, just in case you see where I am from and decide to hold it against me.

How is Mrs. Claus? Say hello to her for me please, she seems like such a nice lady, and I am sure she has her hands full taking care of you and all those reindeer and little helper elves. It must be really hard for you two given the fact that you only work once a year, and she is a stay at home wife. How do you survive on just one salary, I mean don't you have to meet pay roll for all those little helpers? I know they don't work for free. And just how the heck do you afford all those toys that you give away every year? Do you get donations from very rich people and toy companies, does the government just give you a stipend because of all the good cheer that you bring, or does someone else buy the gifts and you have been taking credit for them all these years? Ahh heck, I am sorry for saying that Santa, I couldn't believe that about you, you are way too nice of a guy to perpetuate that type of a hoax on all these little children.

I know some years are tougher than some, but I bet this will be an easy year for you with the toy deliveries. Because quite frankly, so many more people have been naughty than nice. As a result, I bet this year you saved a ton in fuel cost because your sleigh is so much lighter for your trip.

So anyway, I was wondering; since you might have some extra toys laying around, could you deliver them to some children in a place called Darfur for me? I know you have probably never heard of it. It's in Africa, there are children there too, and they would love nothing more than a little Christmas cheer and joy from you. I bet none of them have been naughty either Santa, because frankly, they are barely alive, and I am sure they don't even have the energy to be naughty. In fact, now that I think about it; do you think you could get them some food? I mean toys would be nice, but they can't eat toys and I think staying alive is more important to them right about now.

Now it's warm in Africa Santa, so you might want to lose some of that clothes before you go. And there really is no chimney's there either, so you might want to watch that desert landing. Oh, and watch out for the Jamjaweed fighters, they happen to be Muslims, and I don't think they believe in you or the whole Christmas spirit thing, so please be careful. Keep those reindeer and that sleigh jacked up in case you have to make a clean get way. Trust me, I know these people, they will have no problem killing you and taking all the toys and food meant for the children. So you better take Dancer, Prancer,and Comet, and leave the slow pokes like Rudolph and Cupid at home. There will be no love in the desert, and besides, Rudolph's bright red nose might give you away. Trust me, there is nothing bright in Darfur, so they will spot you from a mile away.


And while we are on the subject of giving to little children. Can you make sure that whatever you give the little children in the hood,-whoops, sorry Santa, I meant in the inner city- they will have some educational value. Please, no toy guns, or PlayStations, or any toy that they will spend hours with in idle play. They need things like toy computers, books, and calculators. I know it might not be what they are wishing for, but just this once, I am asking you not to listen to their wishes, and do what will be better for them in the long run. Believe me, their parents (or parent) will be happy too, because a lot of the things they are wishing for will be too expensive for them to get if you can't deliver it for them. Now this is only for the little kids in the inner city Santa, you can give the little kids in the suburbs whatever they want, because if you can't deliver, I am sure their parents will find a way to get it for them.

As for gifts for me, I don't want any, and I don't have any personal wishes for you. I know you specialize in toys and good cheer around Christmas, so my wish would be a little too deep for you to handle. Number one, it would be a year round request, and not something for just this time of year. And, it involves a much more complex problem or problems, than even you could take on. I mean I could give you the whole corny I want peace on earth good will to man spiel, but unless you know how to get guns off the streets, and erase years and years of self hatred indoctrinated into the minds of our children, it won't work. Unless you know how to find a way to minimize the ego greed and selfishness of our politricksters and so called community leaders, then I am afraid I would be just wasting my breath. And unless you know how to stop a cowboy from taking an entire country of over 300 million people farther into a war that has no end in sight, and can have no positive conclusion; then asking you would be pointless. I mean it would just depress you so much if I asked for what I really wanted, that quite frankly, you would simply close the Santa shop and take Ms. Claus down to Florida with you to retire.

So instead, I will just ask for other people, like the children of Darfur, and the children of Iraq, and I will just hope that you can deliver for me and for them. If you could do that, in spite of all the dangers, I would really appreciate it, and I would stop being so cynical about all your powers and the good that you supposedly do.

Oh, before I go, Santa, you really need to start watching your weight, I know it's all a part of your image to be the chubby jolly guy. But if you are not careful, you might have some serious health issues down the line; and if you check out, think of all the disappointed children we will have next Christmas, not to mention poor Mrs. Clause, who will have to live out the rest of her life as a widow.

Well, bye for now Santa, and be careful out there this holiday season. The world isn't what it used to be, and quite frankly, not as many kids believe in you anymore. So lock up your sleigh when you leave it, watch your back, and be careful in certain neighborhoods. Some of these kids don't want to wait until you give them the gifts, they will take it from you, and they don't give a damn whether you think they were naughty or nice. I swear Santa, they are growing up way too fast.


Sincerely,

The Field Negro

Dear Lord, Please Let Mr. Johnson Be Alright!

I don't know about you folks, but the field is heading to church right about now, to send up a few calls to the big guy. Why you say? Well it seems that Senator Tim Johnson, a Democrat from South Dakota suffered what seems to be a stroke earlier today, and was taken to George Washington University where he is currently being diagnosed.

Now I know that not everyone is a political junkie like yours truly, so I will attempt to explain in a nutshell just how significant this little development is: First, you must understand, that the make up of the United States senate currently stands at 49 Republicans and 51 Democrats. A tie in this venerable body, and the deciding vote would go to the sitting Vice President, who in this case, happens to be a man with some health issues of his own. Yes folks, that would be the brown shirted one, "Dead Eye" Dick Cheney.

So that loud music you hear-sounds like Celebrate Good Times by KC & The Sunshine Band to me-is coming from the studios of FAKE NEWS, and the White House. Because if this poor man were to...well lets just say not be able to serve out his full term. The Republican Governor of South Dakota would appoint his replacement; and just what party to you think that white male would come from?

Now folks, and I really shouldn't be saying this....ahhh f*** it , I am going to say it anyway, I smell a rat! Yeah I said it, something ain't right. "Field what are you saying? Surely you are not implying that there was some nefarious things going on with the good senators illness are you?"
Well let's just say that most people hear about this poor man falling ill, and immediately they think about his family and well being, and they pray that he gets well, not for political reasons, but so that he can lead a normal life. Some people-the political junkies among us- hear this and wonder about the political ramifications in Washington, what it could mean for the make up of the senate etc.? But not the field, and not the other low down conspiracy buffs and cynics among us who think just like the field does.

Because honestly, I must confess, that when I first heard about this, I immediately thought of that poor former Russian spy, Alexander Litvinenko. This poor man was given a healthy serving of a radioactive isotope called Polonium 210, which ate away at all of his vital organs until he died a slow painful death. Of course every one immediately thought that the "evil" Russian Premier Putin and the people running the Kremlin were behind it. So now the field is thinking....no field say it ain't so, you are not thinking what I am thinking you are thinking are you? Hey, all I am saying is that I sure hope Karl Rove can give an accounting of himself over the past 24 hours. Because if not......

Look, I wonder if people realize how much is at stake here. We are talking about billions of dollars in military contracts, supreme court Justices to be nominated, billions of more dollars to be approved to fund this war effort, and important political appointments to be made. You don't think that there are certain types of poisons that could easily be slipped in a senator's glass while he was giving say a press briefing to a bunch of reporters? Hey, I am just thinking out loud here, there of course is no basis in fact for what I am saying, but it sure makes you wonder doesn't it?

" Yeah we need one, just one. How about the Specter guy he is old? Yeah but he is in pretty good shape, plays squash in Philly damn near every day. Besides, he just had that cancer thing, they will have a pretty good medical report on him" Mmmm how about that black one? Barack Osama or whatever his name is? No, too young, and too high profile, it would be too much of a story, too much scrutiny, we can't afford that. Well how about Hilary? No, there goes that high profile thing again, it would be too much of a big story. Yeah but we could kill two birds with one stone. A presidential candidate and a senator. Mmmmm, no, still too risky. How about Menendez in Jersey? Not bad, but they have a Democratic Governor they would just put another one of their own in. We need an obscure state with a Republican Governor, and the guy has to be kind of old. Mmmmmm...Hey, I have just the guy!"

This just in, this just in! Spokesperson for Johnson says it wasn't a heart attack or stroke that he suffered. And according to spokeswoman Juliane Fisher, whatever he had "it was caught very early"

Thank you big guy thank you! The field promises to pray more often, and I will go to church this Saturday.

Now can we please get a 24 hour guard on that man? I will go down there myself and help take care of him if I have to, send in the FOI, send in the Guardian Angels. Hey, our Republic is at stake.

Weapons Of Multiple Directions

There was the frat boy and great "Decider" announcing yet another new plan for his war in Iraq. Flanked by the bad perm lady, and the human hunter himself, our favorite frat boy was explaining once again, his plan for a "new direction" in Iraq. Gee, I can't even begin to imagine what this "new direction" will look like. Let's just hope it's better than the last directions we took. Let's see now, almost 3,000 of our brave young men killed (4 more today), a half a trillion dollars and counting in our tax dollars, not to mention a region in absolute chaos. So yeah, I would say that it just might be time for a "new direction".

But do you want to know what's really scary? The fact that according to a new AP Ipsos poll, a little over 28% of our fellow American believe that we are heading in the right direction in Iraq. Gee, I wish I know where those people were. Rrrrrring: "Hello", "Yes is this Mrs. Jones?" " Yes this is her, how may I help you?" "Yes Mrs. Jones, this is the Field-Negro, and I have this wonderful idea to cure cancer, would you like to invest your life savings with me?" "Sure Mr. Field Negro where do I send the check?" Seriously, who the f*&% are these people, and why are they even living among us, and not locked away in an asylum some damn where? I mean, do these people really believe that the frat boy's plan for a stable democracy in the Middle East can work? My question to them would be this: Just how much f*****g longer would you have us stay there, and will that vat of Kool Aide ever dry up?

"Like most Americans this administration wants to succeed in Iraq because we understand success in Iraq would help protect the U.S. in the long run". This was our President today, still lying to the American people, and still spinning this travesty of a war. "...because we understand that success in Iraq would help protect the U.S. in the long run"? No it wouldn't, success in Iraq has absolutely nothing to do with protecting us here in the U.S. All success in Iraq would do is protect your sorry ass legacy Mr. President, so stop it already. I mean really now George, this has gone on long enough. For the 71% of us in this country who realize just how absurd this sounds and how absurd this war is, this kind of rhetoric makes us all want to...well, move to Canada or some damn place. I mean to follow your insane logic to its conclusion, this would be like someone raping a woman and after she gets pregnant saying: "gee I sure hope this pregnancy goes well, because if there are complications it could jeopardize her life and that of the child."

As I watched the bad perm lady and the VP standing there today, I couldn't help but think to myself just how pathetic a bunch these clowns are, and for a minute there, I almost felt sorry for them. Almost. Let's face it, these guys are in way over their heads, and now they are calling in Tom, Dick, and Harry, or, should I say, James, Lee, and Vernon, to bail them out. And this was Tony Snowjob today, talking about the President's ...ahhh "new direction": "It's important that the American people (Boy they love that line don't they? 'The American people') be aware both of his consultation and his level of concern about getting it right". Well Tony Snow Job, this will be the first time he cares about getting it right, cause he sure didn't care for these past few years. A little late for some 2,800 Americans and an untold number of Iraqis don't you think?

The frat boy meets tomorrow with Tariq al-Hashemi (Doesn't he play wide receiver for the Bengals?) the Iraqi Vice President. Lets hope he has more luck with this Sunni than he did with the Shiite con artist he propped up as President. Somehow, I get the feeling that my man is going to say to the frat boy: " Look, you f****d up our country, things weren't too bad under Saddam, especially for me, (A Sunni remember?) so the least you could do is hang around until we get this democracy thing right". To which I am sure the frat boy will reply:"Don't worry Tariq, the American people are behind you 100%, don't you watch FOX NEWS?"

Truancy In My Village

I am afraid that many of my people won't like this post that I am about to drop, but it has to be said. Now first, let me say this right off the top, in the spirit of true disclosure: I don't have children, so I can't imagine how hard it must be to raise a child; especially in this day and age with all the negative influences and distractions all around them. But-you knew there was a but coming right-a recent incident in my hometown-Philadelphia- really pissed me off, and made me realize just how a sleep at the wheel some of us black folks are when it comes to this parenting thing.

Folks, it's like this: Here in Philly, we have had damn near 400 murders this year. Most of the crimes have been committed by young African American males, and most of the victims have been young African American males as well. Our Mayor, and all of our city officials, have been pulling their collective hairs out trying to come up with solutions and answers for this wave of violence and bloodshed that has been sweeping our city.

One solution they came up with was to try and cut back on the truancy in our public school system. And why not? In any given year at least 44% of our districts 180,000 public school kids are truant. (8 absences or more) Yes, you heard right, I said 44% or 80,000. And on any given day, and average of 32,000 kids are absent from school. According to a study by Ruth Curran Neild of Johns Hopkins University, 8,000 kids will drop out this year, and another 5,000 will miss so much school, that they might as well be considered dropouts. Now folks, that's a damn shame, and we all know it. And frankly, given the fact that a vast majority of these children look like me, it's particularly troubling to the field.

So our Mayor, in collaboration with the School Board, sent out letters to about 6,000 parents, stating something to the effect that: "Your child has had eight (8) unexcused absences during the 2005-2006 school year". (The operative word hear being YOUR child)Te letter goes on to say that parents must attend the meeting or face possible fines or jail time. So what do you think happened? Yep, only about half of the parents showed up at Temple University's basketball arena for this meeting. Now call me crazy, but if I get a letter from my child's school or worse, the city, telling me that little Jamal has missed 44% of his classes, and my black ass will be fined or face possible jail time; what do you think the field is going to do? Well, after jumping all over little Jamal's little black ass, I am going to be front and center at that meeting. "Mr. Mayor, I am Jamal's father, and I would personally like to pledge, that if little Jamal is not in school more than 44% of the time next school year, it will be because he is either dead or in jail".

Folks, this is not rocket science, there is a direct correlation between an education and where you end up in life. It's that simple: Drop out of high school with no skills, and you get no job, or if you get one, you get one that pays minimum wage. And who wants to work for minimum wage? Not little Jamal. He can't buy "tims", or put Dayton rims ("throw some "D"'s on that bitch") on that new "whip" with minimum wage pay. Hell, he can't get a new "whip" with minimum wage pay. So what's left for little Jamal to do but sling. Yeah he could make a real nice living doing that. But he has to be careful, because more than likely he will end up in jail or dead, like some of the almost 400 who were inside the chalk lines on these mean streets of killadelphia so far this year. Or, he could get some girl or girls pregnant, but then, no job, so how is he going to support his child? Well, there is always the state. After all, that's how his mother made it, and he really didn't know his real father. See what happens? We are back to that same old vicious cycle that just won't go away. Think about it, just days after the Mayor's meeting, it was business as usual, because our little villagers were missing school again.

So make no mistake, schooling is important, but you could never tell that to the almost 3,000 parents who blew off the meeting with the Mayor. Poor Mayor Street, there he was quoting that old African proverb, you know the one, the one Queen Hillary used for her book: "It takes a village to raise a child". No Mr. Mayor, it takes a parent to raise a child. The village, and the resources that the village has can only help with the process. The village produced the infrastructure of the school, the books, the teachers, and the tools to support little Jamal getting an education. The village can't wake Jamal up and make sure he goes to f*****g school! That's Mr. and Mrs. Jamal's job. And if there is no Mr. Jamal, oh well, that's Mommy Jamal's job. Oh field, stop being so tough, Mommy Jamal works two jobs, and she has three other children, and she is not getting any support from their fathers, and the old man she has now is cheating on her, and he abuses drugs, and.....yeah OK, well I have two words for Mommy Jamal: Birth Control. Yep, that will take care of all those problems in the future. And since little Jamal is already here-yeah that sp..ahem,ahem, horse already left the barn- can we just make sure little Jamal gets a shot? Would it be too much to ask that you go to a f*****g meeting? I don't know, even if you don't care what happens to little Jamal in school, maybe so that you won't get fined, or worse, arrested.

Now the village is hiring more truancy officers, from 100-500, and the Philadelphia Family Court is also working some special projects and hiring more people to help tackle the problem.-They heard 8,820 cases in truancy court so far this year alone. But somehow I don't think this will be enough. Because until parents in the homes start caring what happens to their children, the school board and the city will be caught in that vicious cycle with these dysfunctional families.

"We are here to send a clear message to the children and parents of this city, truancy will not be tolerated"

I hear you Mr. Mayor, I just wish more parents could have been there to hear you as well.