Friday, May 02, 2008

The Gaydar.



Okay Zack you are going to get your wish with this post. Not because I am bowing to commenter pressure, but because of an important issue that came up while I was going about my daily routine.



So today I was having lunch with two female colleagues, and the issue of state senator Fumo's comments came up. One of the sisters who reads my blog wanted to know why I was always so quick to stick up for gay rights; and while we were at it...."I don't know field, I mean you do go to 12th Street Gym." (For those of you non Philly folks, 12th Street is pretty much known as the gay gym here in town) "Yeah well they happen to have the best equipment in town, and it it's right by the plantation." "Yeah okay, whatever." You couldn't miss the smirk. The other female at the table, who I didn't know quite as well, was staring at me now. "Well I have a pretty good 'gaydar"'. More stares." "What do you think?" My original inquisitor wanted to know. "Hmmm.. well.. "Don't tell me right now, tell me when we are in the car."



Now most heterosexual guys I know (at least I think they are heterosexual) would usually get pretty defensive at this point. But not the kid. The truth of the matter is, it has never really bothered me when friends, male and female, rip me about my metro sexual characteristics and my gym. My best friend, for instance, is always ripping me about being a closeted homosexual, yet he refuses to leave me alone in a room with his wife. Go figure.



The point is, if I were gay, I would be proud of it, and I sure as hell wouldn't be in the damn closet. I wouldn't be ashamed of who I was, and I sure as hell wouldn't act like it was World War III because someone decided that I was gay, or thought I was. Unlike some of these homophobes out here who will jump through hoops to tell folks that they are not gay. WHO ME? GAY? HOW ABOUT IF I PUNCH YOU STRAIGHT IN THE MOUTH, WOULD YOU THINK I WAS GAY THEN? Ahh sorry dude, I was just trying to get a rise out of you...whoops, poor choice of words.


So anyhooo, my two lady friends are still having fun with me and trying to see if I am Tyler Perry....oh lord did I say that? Tyler, please don't sue me, allegedly supposedly...and all that stuff. "So field do you get naked in the shower? How do you feel with all those eyes on you." "Well I suppose it's kind of like being naked around a bunch of females with a lot less excitement from Mr. Johnson. I mean if I was gay, wouldn't Mr. Johnson at least let me know? I am sure if I was in a locker room filled with naked women Mr. Johnson would let me know. At least I would hope he would." "Okay, just remember _____gaydar is pretty good. "



Lunch is almost over, and we are still on my sexuality probe. I am actually enjoying it at this point. I am talking about my gay friends (I can't believe I just said that, but yes some of my best friends are gay), and other lifestyle issues that would put me squarely in that camp, and one of my guests is imploring me to come out if I am so inclined. I promised her that I will, if I am so inclined, thanked them for their company at lunch, and after a little more small talk, we rolled. Me back to the plantation, and the two ladies to their car to decide the fields sexuality with the assistance of a very good gaydar.



I am sitting in my office thinking about some shit from my past when my cell phone goes off.

It's lunch date number one. We talk some shop (she is an attorney), make a little more small talk, and then I ask her about lunch date number two's gaydar. "Well, what did she say?" I asked, curious now to know the answer. "Oh nothing, honestly field, we didn't even talk about that." I don't believe her, but I don't push it. But I am guessing girlfriend's gaydar is pretty good. Because if it wasn't, I would still be hearing laughter in my ears.












62 comments:

heartsandflowers said...

Field you are too funny! It's really refreshing to have a discussion about homosexuality without politicizing it or demeaning it. And it's really nice to hear a straight brother wax philosophically about it. It is a deal breaker for me if any man I'd be romantically involved with is intolerant. There was another blogger who I stopped reading because he insisted on showing overly provocative photos of men to prove some kind of point that people are inherently disgusted with homosexuality and are being 'told' that it's ok to be more pc. I tried to engage him in a real conversation but realized I was wasting my time.

On a side note can you check out focusedpurpose blog. I'd like to get your take on some of the things posted.

The Christian Progressive Liberal said...

LOL, Field, I don't know too much about Gaydar, since mine's seems to misfire quite a bit.

Some guys are just meticulous, and I bet you're one of them. From the woman's perspective, I personally love the fact that a brotha keeps his hands and feet hooked up and not step to me with callouses and claws that pass for toenails.

People have so many issues about gays and lesbians - I put it down to whether or not they are actually comfortable enough in their own sexuality and sexual identity to not be bothered by gays or lesbians.

I think thou protest much when you pull an Eddie Long or Willie Wilson when referencing gay people; which is why Jasmyne Cannick and Keith Boykin had an "which Pastor's in the Closet" watch on their respective blogs two years ago.

I still say live and let live, and let God sort out the whole thing since He understands it best, because he created this world while we humans keep jacking it up trying to say what He wants.

field negro said...

heartsandflowers, that's a tough discussion for some of us brothers to have. But thanks. And I will check out that blog.

"I still say live and let live, and let God sort out the whole thing since He understands it best, because he created this world while we humans keep jacking it up trying to say what He wants"

christian prog., where is your church? You might make me want to go back with that kind of philosophy :)

Anonymous said...

Field, I don't care one iota what you are: straight, narrow, hiding in a clothes closet, or waving the pastel flag. Don't care. I think you're funny--no pun intended--as hell, and right after I check my e-mail, I come straight to your bog to read your new posts (and if there are no new posts at that time, I simply reread the old ones until you post a new one). You tell it like it is, and I'm sure Mrs. Field thinks you're a riot. I also bet that she keeps you in check. I bet you try and talk a lil' smack at home, but Mrs. Field lets you know who's boss. That's why you let it all hang out when you post. I bet you can hardly get a good word in. Now, tell me I'm wrong about you & Mrs. Field.Ahh-h-h-h. Can't do it, can you?
---girlSouthern

Anonymous said...

correction: ". . . straight to your blog . . ."

Anonymous said...

Field, I couldn't help but laugh because I've been through this myself. My last girlfriend thought I was bisexual because I wear earrings in both ears. Or at least when I remember to put them in before leaving the house.

Then of course there's the fact I'm still single... (laughs)

jjbrock said...

Field shame on you! Tyler Perry is one of the most influencing people of 08. I like the idea that God will deal with us all at the judgment and fairly I might add.
Kudos too Gay America.

Hugh O'Donnell said...

What honest man didn't wonder if he had gay potential if he had a good friend who was gay?

A quick mental scenario will tell you what's up (or not).

My friend's gay buddies thought I was pretty brazen back in 1968 for being so accepting of him.

He was a loyal friend. Why should I not have been tolerant?

Hugh O'Donnell said...

A little postscript...

Today I had the pleasure of voting for Barack Obama in the Oregon primary because I re-registered as a Democrat. (My family has been Eisenhower Republicans since I could read.)

Andrés Duque said...

Damn! See? This is why I love your blog and am glad we had the opportunity to meet. Your thoughts / writings / etc. inspire. I even mentioned Fumo in one of my posts tonight.

La ~ msviswan said...

Field, let me tell you. Due to my pro black woman stance, and my blatant domain name... I get that question all the time. I have to admit it almost concerned me at first, but now it doesn't move me. I've grown to be so comfortable with who I am, I don't even care anymore if people online assume I'm a lesbian.

I don't think you have an issue here... unless somebody was really trying to call your bluff to prove them wrong. Umm, did Mrs. Field give clearance for these little "lunch meetings"?

Kellybelle said...

La Msviswan, I too was wondering where Ms. Field was! Because she would have set them straight, no pun intended.
Really, I support my gay bros and sis because sexuality is a gift from God and if He had a problem with it, I'm sure His Son would have said something about it--and He didn't. Not one word. So love who you love and get on with it.

Blinders Off said...

I have nothing but respect for a man that can be comfortable in his own skin and not afraid to socialize with and respect gays. My husband is one and Field after your post you are the second man I heard speak honest about knowing gay men.

Matter of fact, who are we to judge a person because of their sexual orientation. I believe the men who protest the loudest are the ones who are suppressing homosexual desires. My case and point for this observation is, someone I know personally, who has a gay son refusing to accept his son is gay. Our inner circle knows his son his gay, but the friend in question to this day still tries to portray his son as being straight.

There was no doubt in my mind our friend is in the closet, his wife has confirmed it for me because she is questioning his sexuality. He does not realize his true characteristics slips out of the closet every now and then.

Finally, IMO it is WRONG for men who have mixed feelings with their sexuality to marry women because in the end the woman is the one hurt. I witness that to happen with two women in my lifetime, therefore I respect a gay person that is out of the closet instead of in.

NSangoma said...

~
... I mean if I was gay, wouldn't Mr. Johnson at least let me know? ...
field negro at 9:17

Depends upon whether you are a top guy, or a bottom guy.

The big he-man muscular type, like you field, usually turn out to be bottom (receivers) guys.

Birds of a fleather, oft' time flock together.

Too, too much pc field. Stay away from that gym.
`

blackwomenblowthetrumpet.blogspot.com said...

Field Negro! (smile)

This post is HILL-AIR-EEE-US!!

Well...as a black preacher....I see a lot of gay men in the church who are very open about their relationships and identity....there are also PLENTY of men who are married with children on the "down low"....that is probably why you receive inquiries even if you wear a wedding band and discuss your wife in conversations....

Wendy Williams (New York shock jock) has a great quote about gay men: 'it's not a look, it's a feel'

This means that some men may not LOOK homosexual but a woman just doesn't 'feel' that he's heterosexual when she's around him.

It's kind of like a blind cat walking up to a dog and knowing that it's not a fellow cat! (LOL)

Okay...bad example.

I am trying to keep all of this P.G. rated!

If your male friends are asking you about whether you are on the DL, it could be because Mrs Field looks sexually repressed or because there is something about your lack of sexual chemistry with her that may be raising questions or it could be your mannerisms that sometimes cause people to ask questions.... or maybe folks are just being ignorant! LOL

Women have a fool proof method for determining WHO is gay even if a man has no "signs" whatsoever. I'd go into detail but this is a P.G. blog!

Anyway....I've said enough!

Thanks for letting me blow my trumpet!
Lisa

http://blackwomenblowthetrumpet.blogspot.com

blackwomenblowthetrumpet.blogspot.com said...

Hey Field Negro

Would you stop by my blog and weigh in on the Thursday discussion about black bigotry?

Please?

Thanks....
Lisa

http://blackwomenblowthetrumpet.blogspot.com

Los Angelista said...

You know the minute they got in the car they went to town on you. LOL!

My husband once told me how his extended family in Wichita thought he was gay because he hadn't joined a gang or done time. Oh and he's "artistic". He and his two best friends used to wear ninja outfits to school in high school. It's so stupid how different or creative equals gay when it absolutely doesn't.

MacDaddy said...

Kellybelle said: "La Msviswan, I too was wondering where Ms. Field was! Because she would have set them straight, no pun intended."
This is why I love coming to your blogs. You set the table with honest commentary and your readers tell you exactly what's on their minds.

On the gay thing: I used to work at a large semi-governmental agency here in Minneapolis. Mostly women worked there. Because I dressed well,didn't try to hit on everything in skirts, the rumor got around that I was gay. One sister told me that they all figured that dressed too nice and was too smart to be straight. Implication? If you're a smart black man who dresses nice, you're gay. They didn't even realize that they were insulting me with that nonsense.

Christopher said...

The question is academic.

Only a gay man or a lesbian can have an authentic Gaydar. As a Gay man, I have Gaydar. It's genetic -- just like having blue eyes or brown hair. When a straight person claims to have Gaydar, it's really just based on cultural assumptions: the man is well spoken, dresses a certain way, is polite, etc., but for me, it's much deeper and more finely tuned.

If you're gay or lesbian, Gaydar is based on pheromones. Pheromones are the well-defined chemical signals that communicate sexual attraction between people.

I can meet a man socially or in business or on an airplane or at a baseball game and I can usually tell immediately if he's gay or is down with man-on-man sex. Before I settled down and "married" Jim, I met a number of married guys who either gay. I know it for a fact because I slept with them. Hence the expression, "He's gay, he just doesn't know it yet."

Occasionally, I've been fooled but not very often. Sometimes my Gaydar is triggered and I've never met the man. Like Star Jones' soon-to-be-ex, Big Gay Al.

Honey, I could tell he was gay from pictures.

NSangoma said...

~
... it could be because Mrs Field looks sexually repressed ...
blackwomenblowthetrumpet.blogspot.com 2:21 AM

Day-Um!! field, and I thought I was putting the wood to yah field, er, metaphorically speaking, that is.

Stay out of that gym, Jim; saunter on home and handle yo bid-ness.
`

jody said...

First, let me thank any and all "straight" folks who put their homophobia in check.. really thank you. BUT
Where the fuck are you when it comes to Gay Rights? There are 26 states that have laws specifically banning same sex marriage. Do you live in one of them? Did you work to stop them when they passed? In 2006, the US Congress almost passed an amendment to enshrine denying me rights in the fucking constitution. The Senate PASSED IT! Thank goodness the Congress put a halt to it, but still, it was damn close. One could argue that religion stops this, but Spain has same sex marriage and Mexico has civil unions and they are both heavily Catholic, hmmm.
In 13 states, it is illegal for same sex couples to adopt....
Gay couples still cannot inherit, get survivor benefits... can lose property at death of a spouse if the "family" disputes their right to inherit....
So, again, while I appreciate not being beaten up... I would be so much more impressed with your "Enlightenment" if you would join me in the streets to fight for gay rights... As King said... "injustice anywhere, threatens justice everywhere."

Anonymous said...

Hey have you ever noticed there's something, oh, I don't know, interesting about Bob Barr? Perhaps he should change his name to "Pushkin."

jody said...

@mcdaddy: why does someone assuming you are gay insult you?

@Anonymous: re:Bob Barr, this is homophobic baiting that makes me sad.

brotherkomrade said...

Field, you are now in the #2 slot of my Most Progressive Blog in the Black Blogosphere list of 2008 for this post alone.

First, when my wife met me, I was living in a gay neighborhood, one of my original producers of my radio show was a lesbian who worked in a bookstore two blocks from my house, I have two cousins; brother and sister who were gay, my wife's mother and sister are gay, so as you can see if she or I had the gene or were even "influenced" why would wouldn't we also out and gay? That's because we are not and there's no confusing. In fact, my wife was attracted to my being comfortable in my own skin being were I lived and with her telling me about her family among other things.
As for the two sisters who were "trying to figure you out" I'm sure it was good-natured ribbing rooted from the fact that you are one of the "good brothers" that sisters idealize due to your being in a committed relationship, a professional, having progressive politics, being comfortable with going to a gym where gays go to, etc., i.e., "why isn't there enough of him around for the rest of us", not saying they are bitter, like I said it sounded like they were joking, but they may have been coming from that, "he's seems too good to be true" type of suspicion.
Mrs. Field does not look sexually repressed, but she does look like she cracks the whip (in a good way)

Dana said...

Our esteemed host wrote:

The point is, if I were gay, I would be proud of it, and I sure as hell wouldn't be in the damn closet.

But if you are not homosexual, how can you know how you'd feel about it?

You are making a statement about how you'd feel if you were homosexual, based upon your entire life's experiences and education as a heterosexual. Were you homosexual, your experiences, and probably your education as well, would have been different. Basically, you would be a different person.

Kellybelle said...

Hey Jody! I'm not trying to be PC, but I do support same-sex marriage, vote accordingly, and only worship at churches that support my beliefs on that issue. Some Methodist churches are Reconciling congregations--they affirm LGBTs and are trying to get the larger church to get with the program. I know it's not a lot, but we are trying.
(I came back because I was PWD (posting while drunk)last night and I wanted to make sure I was kinda coherent, LOL)

Blinders Off said...

@Jody:

Where the fuck are you when it comes to Gay Rights?

That was unnecessary speaking for me, you are assuming what this straight person did or did not do in supporting Gay Rights. Walking to support Gay Rights is just one way to show support what about calling and writing your state representative and doing the same with your Congressmen. I strongly agree, “injustice anywhere, threatens justice everywhere."

In the 80's two very good friends of mine had to endure injustice because they were gay. To witness how the hospital treated a gay man with AIDS was horrifying. It was just as horrifying knowing a person who beaten every weekend because of his lifestyle. This post was not about what we do or do not do for gay rights.

I usually do not respond to someone else opinion because I respect others opinion, but your opening statement was unfair.

jjbrock said...

@Jody personal I am not down with that concept same sex marriage. If marriage laws has already been established before the beginning of time why should we changed it for a few? Even doth I personal don't support it I would not rally against it.

jody said...

@Blinders and Kellybelly:
I thank you most sincerely for all of your support and I am sorry if I seem unfairly harsh... its just that I have too many friends that have been fired, been unwelcomed by churches, family who keep their children away, lost a home because of the sudden death of a partner only to have the biological family come in (after 20 years of them being together!) and tell the surviving spouse to get out of the house cause it wasnt in her name. I am tired of the gay community being
portrayed as white, wealthy, men, when in reality we are just as economically and racially diverse as societies as a whole.
And, while I do deeply, profoundly appreciate all allies efforts... I am saddened at the silence of progressive communities who have not spoken out when these homophobic laws are brought up. Again, for my allies out there,... this is not directed at you... the rest... I AM calling you out.

NSangoma said...

~
@Anonymous: re:Bob Barr, this is homophobic baiting that makes me sad.
jody said 9:30 AM

Hmmm, I took it to be a reference to the Russian poet's Neg-grah ancestry.

Aleksandr Sergeevich Pushkin's
great-grandfather, Hannibal (Abram Petrovich Gannibal) was an Abyssinian.
Pushkin's great-grandfather, Hannibal, the captive Abyssinian who became the personal servant of Peter I

Pushkin, would have been at minimum 1/8th black, well within the State of Louisiana's 1/32nd black blood rule for being a Negroe.
`

Roger said...

"The big he-man muscular type, like you field, usually turn out to be bottom (receivers) guys."

I WISH!(not about you Field, but about the 'type')

It's good to read straight brothers' frank non-homophobic comments. All too often, we portray our own folk as overwhelmingly homophobic (side eyes the Black Church and fools like Kirk Franklin), when there are a lot of non-homophobic, non-sexist black men out there.

MacDaddy said...

Jody said: "@mcdaddy: why does someone assuming you are gay insult you?"
Jody, what insults me is the assumption that, if a black man dresses well, talks "intelligently" (whatever that means; that was word they used), and had a good job (I was a program developer), he must be gay. Yes, I felt insulted, because I felt it was a put-down of straight men; and i'm straight. Intelligence or skills have nothing to do with sexual preferance.

You also asked where the straight men when it comes to supporting gay rights? I can speak for other straight men, but I can tell you that i'm not actively supportive of gay rights organizations in this city, because they're not supportive of black folks. Here in Minneapolis, they're basically a one-issue group (gay rights). They're white; and most of them I know are also racist. When i've tried to work with them, it was made quite clear to me that they only wanted black people, or black organizations, to work with them around the issue of gay rights. There was no real connection in practice in terms of understanding where both parties were coming from. And by the way, around here, it was a universal thing. My black gay women friends feel the same way about women in lesbian organizations. Like me, they have some gay friends, but they don't work with gay organizations here. They're too one-issue oriented and too racist.

Thanks, field. We need to talk more about these kinds of issues in the black community and on the blogosphere. Blessings.

brotherkomrade said...

"I am tired of the gay community being
portrayed as white, wealthy, men, when in reality we are just as economically and racially diverse as societies as a whole."

The reality is true, but who has the power in all the portraying and how does that silence from the white sector of the LGBT play out?

field negro said...

Andres, how are you my man? Still holding it down in NY? BTW folks, check out Andre's blog for a really good site.

"Umm, did Mrs. Field give clearance for these little "lunch meetings"?

la~msv... and kellybelle, clearance not needed during working hours:)

Great points chris, and I have a few friends that I would like you to meet.

nsangoma, you really should consider coming out. I sense some sexual repression on your part ;)


"If your male friends are asking you about whether you are on the DL, it could be because Mrs Field looks sexually repressed or because there is something about your lack of sexual chemistry with her that may be raising questions.."

Mrs. Field doesn't hang with my male friends. She thinks they are juvenile, ans illiterate. And for the most part she is right :)

"Mrs. Field does not look sexually repressed, but she does look like she cracks the whip (in a good way)"

Yeah maybe if I let her crack that whip some more it would take care of some of those repressions:)

macdaddy and jody, thanks for that exchange. We need more dialogue like that.

"Were you homosexual, your experiences, and probably your education as well, would have been different. Basically, you would be a different person."

Yes, but I would still be a proud one.

Lola Gets said...

I think I have excellent gaydar; attending Smith and dating gay guys will do that to you, lol. And I aint never got nary a *twinge* when Ive been around you Field. Hell, I had you and two other punch drunk mfers in my car and I still didnt catch anything, um, "suspect."

I think those women were just ribbing you. And if they continued the discussion when you werent around, then they need to get a life. Quickly. And perhaps even Jesus. Maybe he can help them, lol.

L

The Christian Progressive Liberal said...

Finally, IMO it is WRONG for men who have mixed feelings with their sexuality to marry women because in the end the woman is the one hurt. I witness that to happen with two women in my lifetime, therefore I respect a gay person that is out of the closet instead of in.

Blinders Off, I wholeheartedly co-sign. I have problems with men on the DL and trying to protect their image. I'm sure men have the same problem with lesbians who aren't honest and are on the DL, too.

If people were honest about their sexuality as most gays, lesbians and straight people are, we wouldn't have these issues, especially since there are those who I label "Christians" who act as anything but, and think they can put God on blast to beat up someone else in Jesus' name.

I wish we'd do as Jesus wanted, and not try to do God's job for Him. He's already shown He can handle it without our help; He just wants our involvement in carrying it out, and we keep jacking it up by putting our own perceptions into the mix.

jody said...

@brothercomrade and Mcdaddy:
The issue of how race, gender, and class plays out in the LGBT community is HUGE. Part of the reason is, like society as a whole, the LGBT community is politically diverse... There is bigtime tensions between LGBT of color and whites, between lesbians and gay men and especially between those of us who identify as "Queer" and those that think we are radicals. It is playing out this weekend in Philly with "Equality Forum" a name which belies Gay Rights (It used to be call Pride Fest)... where the history of struggle, the issues of class and race are not really addressed... it is an event that promotes capitalistic business and why cant we all just "pass.?" The transgendered community is left out. It is organized by the more affluent, white gay men in Philly and it reflects that..... So even in our own community, we have to struggle with race, class and gender identity issues. And as an activist, I understand that I MUST struggle for justice for all people.. I too get very pissed at LGBT orgs. that do not understand that we must struggle together.. OK, I am done.. thanks for the indulgence.

Anonymous said...

I personally do not see anything wrong with a man being metrosexual, it only means he cares about his appearance and image before the world. It does not mean that one is gay either because he wants a clean apartment or wears Dolce and Gabbana. I think we have many misconception of what it means to be gay. It's about sexual preference and who you are attracted to. I think many people who are gay always knew that was different about them before fully engaging and becoming aware of their sexual identity. And when I hear some people suggest that somehow their mother made their sons gay, I shake my head astonishment. If one does believe that argument, then what is the argument for the reason why some women are lesbian as they were also reared by their mothers. The argument does not hold up very well.

If I thought about it, then I did not chose to be heterosexual, but I find myself strongly attracted to men except if they are married, then it becomes a chose of whether I become involved with a married man or single one. My grandmother told me when I was a teenager that you cannot help who you love. I believe people are attracted to how they are attracted to. Attraction is chemistry in a scientific sense. I also do not believe because someone is gay makes them less of a man, or a lesbian less than a woman, then we are falling into some social construct of how we think men or women should be. We tend to get roles confused with what it really means to be a woman or man.

rikyrah said...

If we were more accepting of our homosexual brothers, then so many of them wouldn't be living on the DL< and they'd leave women alone because they would be free to live their lives as homosexuals in peace.

MacDaddy said...

"I am tired of the gay community being portrayed as white, wealthy, men, when in reality we are just as economically and racially diverse as societies as a whole."
Brotherkomrade: I agree with you. The gay community is diverse. However, here in Minneapolis, the most active and the most powerful organizations are white, male and well-healed. They're not only the leaders inside gay organizations, many of them are managers, directors of non-profit organizations and are able to get money to white gay organizations as well as the non-profit organizations to which they belong.
As a result, they're able to ensure that black organizations and certain organizations inside gay communities get frozen out of funding, such as less organized, less institutionalized transgender folks. Some of my gay friends say it's similar in places where they have lived. That I don't know. Jody may know more about that than I.

Dana said...

"Were you homosexual, your experiences, and probably your education as well, would have been different. Basically, you would be a different person." (me)

Yes, but I would still be a proud one. (our host)


You don't know that, either. Your entire life would have been different, all of the education and experiences which have shaped you would have been different, so you have no idea just what you'd be like were you homosexual, no more than you know what kind of woman, or white man, or handicapped person, or whatever you'd be.

I'll give you one of my favorite examples: almost all of us have said, at one time or another, "I'd rather be dead than be a paraplegic." It's an easy statement for us to make, because for those of us who aren't confined to a wheelchair, such a statement does not mean that we are about to commit suicide.

Yet when you look at suicide rates for the handicapped, except for a brief spike during the first couple of years after the handicapping injury -- a spike that still never reaches one percent -- the handicapped do not commit suicide at significantly greater rates than people who are not in their condition.

It's just really easy for us to say what we'd be like or what we'd do if we had another status, because we rarely have to match words to deeds.

You really can't say what you'd be like if you were homosexual any more than I can say what I'd be like if I were black; neither one of us has any way to know.

Whitney B. said...

Field,

I love your site. I read about you in The Philadelphia Inquirer and I must say, you are spot on in your commentaries!

I am a construction contractor and have worked all over the country in the last 20 some odd years. Prior to that I lived in Alaska and worked on the pipeline. A woman in a man's field (as it were).

Anyway, when I would work in town (that would be Fairbanks, AK), these guys would come in with lunch boxes filled with goodies that their wives had packed for the day. I used to say, "Boy, I wish I had a wife." From that time on I never had to worry about any of them making a pass at me, as I got known as "that Dike." I had really short hair and have never worn make-up (well, mostly never). I thought it was funny and never let them know otherwise.

Anyway, you crack (ooops) me up!

Whitney B. said...

One thing I forgot to mention is that the church that Obama belongs to is the very church (as in a national sense) that ran ads way back when that said we accept all people and they showed gay people in that ad.

So, there to all of those gay crazy folks of all colors!

Bob said...

To paraphrase Chris Rock - everybody has some gay relative, everybody.

Two friends that I've known for 30 years and 40 years are both straight. And they see me as their friend, nothing more or less. Tolerance is a good thing. So is friendship and Mr. Johnson.

Admiral Komack said...

"My best friend, for instance, is always ripping me about being a closeted homosexual, yet he refuses to leave me alone in a room with his wife. Go figure."

-Not hard...difficult, I MEANT difficult!

Your best friend knows you are not gay...and his wife knows it, too.
BWHAHAHAHAHA!

Whitney B. said...
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Whitney B. said...

One of my best friends, from the age of 6 (47 years ago) is a lesbian. My cousin is a lesbian and had adopted a daughter (with her partner) who has turned out to be staight.......how could that be? If you listen to the pundits, you would believe that it's gays who corrupt children. No, it's pedophiles! 10%+ of the pop is gay or whatever......GLBT. So, folks need to get over it and just accept folks as they are, in all colors, flavors and stripes!

And, all gay folks ain't rich! My best friend is struggling to make it as a song writer in Los Angeles and my cousin is a registered nurse, who is in administration, in WV. Neither would be classified as well off, let alone upper middle class. I make more money than they do, and I work in construction.

andyfrombrooklyn said...

off topic but thinking of mr. constructive feedback... from usatoday, today
The U.S. military fired guided missiles into the heart of Baghdad's teeming Sadr City slum on Saturday, leveling a building 55 yards away from a hospital and wounding nearly two dozen people.
AP Television News footage showed several ambulances destroyed and on fire, thick black smoke rising from them as firefighters worked to put out the flames.

The strike, made from a ground launcher, took out a militant "command-control center," the U.S. military said. The center was located in the heart of the eight-square-mile neighborhood that is home to about 2.5 million people. Iraqi officials said at least 23 people were wounded, though none of them were patients in the hospital.
....good stuff!

Whitney B. said...

Nice!!! (as they say here in Philly, along with "good stuff")!!! Glad I have a house in Newfoundland, away from A-Merry-ca! Bring the Shrub bunch up to boil and turn them into War Tribunals!!!

WE ARE the "War on Terror!"

Hasta la vista, baby!

ZACK said...

Thanks for granting my wish, Oh GREAT ONE!

But didn't the crazy heffa know that YOU ARE MARRIED?!!! Plus, I think it's more of a comfort situation.

You are a grown man who is COMFORTABLE in his own skin. Plus, all men know that it's more than being naked that gets Mr. Johnson worked up. Once that hot water comes into contact with him, he might do anything. :) *maniacal laughter*

While I might qualify as a homophobe by most peoples' standards, I do empathize with their social struggles. People call me the same hurtful epithets as gay men, although I am not. (I posted about it on April 21. Come by and see).

Great post! And don't worry. Lark Voorhies told me that you're the straightest guy she knows.

Kai said...

Wow, you dont hear many black many say things like this. I thought I was progressive but you definitely have me beat, by quite a bit.

Diane said...

Heya Field, Good on you!

My husband, too is so unhomophobic that it makes the fearful cringe.

I'm glad I found your blog, I used to read you when I was at MLW.(as Diane W, now Diane G at WWL)

I added you to my Blogroll at The Wild, Wild Left, my little Blog.

I'd be honored to have your cross-posts there anytime.

Here's a link if you are interested..

But if not, I will be popping in here more to read you.

You are a joy to read.

:)
Diane

marlonb said...

FYI Field: many women prefer bi-sexual men over hetero men.

"I’m not at all interested in heterosexual men. I am not attracted to them, I don’t desire to have a man who identifies himself as straight as a partner, and I can’t be convinced that a heterosexual man can be my night in shining armor if I only allow him to be. My interest is exclusively in openly bisexual men; men who have been in romantic relationships with another man, who are comfortable with being a switch, who have been penetrated..." -- Scottie Lowe @ afroerotik

blackwomenblowthetrumpet.blogspot.com said...

Field Negro

I just thought about something... maybe your best friend won't leave you alone with his wife because he's TERRIFIED she'll start crying on your shoulder telling you that HE IS GAY!!

*LOL*

Think about it!! (smiles)
Lisa

dweiums said...

What's all this talk about Mrs. Field? Ain't she the cookie lady?

Okay, stupid . . . but I had to say it.

Leave it to Field to get the rational folks talking about subjects most Americans wish to avoid. I think most people's 'Gaydar' is wack. It depends on foolish fuel like "Does he like to shop, (cook, sew, garden, decorate, whatever)?" Or is his apartment clean, along with his nails? And don't let a brother stand up for a gay friend.

So where are you folks when I feel like discussing this stuff offline with a few dirty martinis?

field negro said...

whitney b, thanks for checking in, and your kind words.

blackwomenblowthe...that is too funny; but hmmmm :)


diane, thanks, and I will check out your link. I have mad love for MLW, and I still post there when I can. And thanks for the link. I will reciprocate of course.

"What's all this talk about Mrs. Field? Ain't she the cookie lady"

See dweiums, this is why I am glad Mrs. Field (Not Field's) doesn't read this blog, I would have to be hearing about that damn smart ass "dweiums" for the rest of the week. But good one :)

BLKSeaGoat said...

MacDaddy,

That kind of gay perception problems you experienced are typical of desperate heterosexual women who feel that "all the good men" are gay.

Being an openly gay black man, who is out, proud, and very self aware, I do a TERRIBLE job being gay according to my heterosexual friends, many of whom base their assumptions of gay men on stereotypes. I am not consumed with my appearance (although I am not a slob), don't know the scores to any Broadway Musicals, Not too interested in Female Diva worship, and I like scotch... STRAIGHT.

I am sorry that you've had to deal with the gay perception thing, but I can assure you that it takes much more than intelligent conversation and good grooming to make my gaydar tingle.

-----------------------------------
I am also not interested in trying to convert heterosexual men into homosexual ones. If I sleep with a man who claims that I've converted him, I'd call him a liar. I don't make str8 men gay; they already have tendencies that they've become comfortable enough to express to and act upon. If a man is married or involved with someone, male or female, and I know or can tell, I stop him in his tracks.

Straight men don't want gay men and Gay men don't want straight ones. For me, I like men who know they're gay and are open about it, to me and my friends at least. I have no time or patience trying to shoulder someone's lack of self acceptance. It's harsh and unfair to say, but my gayness was only a liability to my church attendance. When I decided that christianity just didn't make sense to me, it made my being gay slightly easier. My family and friends were exteremely supportive though.

-----------------------------------
Field,

As far as Mr. Johnson telling you that you're gay while in a shower and surrounded by naked men, you presume that gay men are incapable of anything other than carnality; this is so far from the truth. Do you get an erection everytime you see an attractive woman or a nake female body part? Like you, I work out and shower at a gym. I have never gotten an erection in the shower whether I was surrounded by naked men or not.

Again, if one wants my Johnson at attention it's gonna take more than a naked body. I have way more control over my Johnson, as most gay ment do, than people think. Gay men are not genital-controlled, sex-obssessed, whores.

BTW,
Thanks for vouching for my Afrospear application.

Darian said...

Hey Field,

I've been meaning to send you an e-mail to let you know how much I appreciated this post and how well you handled yourself. It's been a crazy week.

I did a cross post on my site. Thanks for being an ally. You're amazing!

Best,
Darian Aaron
Living Out Loud with Darian
"Black and SGL with No Apologies"
loldarian.blogspot.com

alicia banks said...

ditto fn:

we gays love all real men like you...

and only the perps, DLs, and court jesters gaybash...

thank you king,
ab

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