Saturday, February 23, 2008

It's the presentation.

I just got home from a night out with Mrs. Field. Hey it's Friday evening and there is no such thing as a home cooked meal in the field's household during a weekday. The field wanted to go to Olive Garden or KFC, but Mrs. Field had other ideas. She wanted to go fancy tonight.

Now I must confess, that I have never been into all of these really fancy restaurants. I mean presentation is great, but I just want the food to taste good, and get plenty of it. Mrs.Field, on the other hand, is into that shit, the presentation. "Oh that looks wonderful, doesn't it field?". No, it looks like it should have been in the middle of our table when we sat down. I mean are we going to eat it or take pictures of it?

So we head to one of these fancy joints on the 1600 block of Walnut Street (you folks from Philly know where this is, so you get the idea of the type of joint I am talking about ), and I tried to make a last ditch effort to get out of it by saying something like; "honey you know we need reservations for this place." But Mrs. Field, of course, had that covered. She had called earlier to make reservations for two. One wife and a sucker.

After paying $20 to valet the damn car (that could have been a bucket at KFC right there) I still had to wait 30 minutes to finally get seated. I swear everyone in the joint could hear my stomach growling by now. Then, of course, when the menu came, I didn't understand a fucking word of it. I think it was in French but I couldn't be sure. ( I swear these guys just make up their own shit)

I proceeded to tell our waiter that I didn't want anything with pork in it, or with any sauce unless it was white or red in color. "Of course sir". You ever wonder what the waiter is saying to himself when he is waiting on your table? And why do they always look like they could use a meal their damn selves? But I digress.

I think I ordered the "pen roasted organic chicken" (Come on, like you didn't know it was going to order something with chicken in it. When in doubt always order the chicken). PEN ROASTED ORGANIC? And I had it with something named black truffle pomme puree [sic]. I had to call Mrs. Field to be reminded of the name of that one. "Oh look honey doesn't that look wonderful?" I must confess that it didn't taste all that bad, but after cleaning up a portion that wouldn't have satisfied Webster, I was still hungry

On our way home, much to Mrs. Fields displeasure, we stopped at Taco Bell so that your boy could get a couple of soft tacos. "What is wrong with you Negro, how could you eat this crap after a meal like that?" Ahhh, because I am still hungry. And you know what? The Tacos actually tasted better.


Chris said...

I will so listen to NPR on the 27th. I like that show anyway.

Bernadette Merikle said...

lmao...that is too much. we went fru fru last night to a bridal event and I promised that there would be food and drink there. At least you waited until AFTER you went to hit your palate with some Taco Bell. No such patience out in Seattle.

Cluizel said...

lol. perhaps you should have taken a picture :-)

Unknown said...

mrs field is right... you have to taste with your eyes first..
and if you want a home cooked meal in the week... you do have 2 hands too... cook mrs field a nice meal...

kid said...

Hey Field your sidebar about Obama's security, someone should look into if this is done for the other canidates and Bush. Secondly, the comments on the newspapers site are talking about killing him, I'm serious. Take a look for yourself. I not trippin'.

Anonymous said...

LMAO Field,

That's been me as the enjoyer whilst my friend or partner didn't feel satisfied - or we've both looked forward to a 'fancy' meal and the portion size wouldn't nourish a 5 year-old. I think there's a commercial out that shows a couple grabbing some junk food from a 711 type place after their 'fancy' meal was over. And the thing that kills me is these $200/meal restaurants have undocumented workers "employed" there and even cooking said meals! But I had a good chuckle at your story.

field negro said...

"... you do have 2 hands too... cook mrs field a nice meal..."

marci, actually in the Field household, the cooking thing is split about 70-30. Guess who does the 70%? That would be moi :)

And I am a pretty good cook if I do say so myself. I might not be Gavin yet, but I do know how to let just the right amount of seasoning "rain" on my food:)

kid, that s**t is serious. That's why I put it on my sidebar, so that folks could be aware of what's going on out here.

Hathor said...

Since Nouvelle French cooking has been an effort to reduce calories and other cuisines have followed; portions size is not important. As the commercial says "tiny food" is only appropriate when that slice is 10,000 calories, as it had been before A-merry-ca went on a diet. The French still use real butter, cream and fat in their food.

Anonymous said...

A lot of fancy resturants are into European style cooking and their portions(and waistlines) tend to be much smaller than ours. If your not used to it throws us Americans for a loop.

Mithras said...


I'm laughing my ass off. It's "pan-roasted." Next time Mrs. Field takes you out someplace the food is supposed to look as good as it tastes, bring your reading glasses.

Anonymous said...

I hear you field. After we have lunch in Santa Fe at one of those restaurants, I always want to stop at the Chicago Dog place on the way home.

Anonymous said...

I liked this post. I usually call you a sexist pig. But I didn't get that from this post.

I totally agree. Those fancy places charge you an arm and a leg but you hardly get any food. I don't go to them very often.

Christina Springer said...

Europeans laugh at our portion sizes. They often only order appetizers for dinner when they come Stateside - because they can't imagine eating so much food.
I suppose that must be why I effortlessly lost over 100 pounds while living in London. (And kept them off this year at home... itty bitty Euro portions; avoid fast food; and walk a lot. Americans don't know how easy it is to lose weight.)

Although I agree. These restaurants charge way too much for what they are serving! (That sounds like a 20 pound meal....not what you paid.)

[flahy] [blak] [chik] said...

The Europeans may be alot slimmer..but Americans have better teeth to eat larger portions.

field negro said...

co-sign with Christina and jp about the Euro sizes. And I try to eat right. But I am sorry, I want to eat at least a full meal when I drop serious money for an entree.

mthras, the plot thickens. I spoke to Mrs. Field, and that was "PEN". [and not pan] The problem is, she says it was "pen RAISED organic chicken" and not pen roasted. Either way, I was still hungry.

Hathor, thanks for that nutrition lesson, and as usual, you are right: Smaller portions do not necessarily mean less calories.

gwpreisrer, you live in Sana Fe? I always wanted to go there. I hear it's a beutiful city. Save a spot in your guest room for me. I might just have to give you a call.

Folks, in case you were wondering, anon.10:12AM is Mrs. Field commenting on my last post :)

(I kid)

Anonymous said...

I am a bit of a foodie and know that pan-roasted is a technique that you sear the meat of top of stove to get that nice crust and finish off in the oven to roast. It is really a cool technique, but you need a heavy bottom pan that can take the temperature of an oven. I think some guys out there would like to cook that way.

I do all the cooking in my house even grill which I thought men felt comfortable dong being outside and working with fire. However, I am the one with smoke in my clothes and hair. Pan-roasting is really simple to do and can be done at home. I also like working with organic chicken and do pay a little more, but there is a difference in the color of chicken's skin and its not shot up with growth hormones. I laugh at the size of Barry Bonds and Roger Clemens' head as it is a dead give away that the use growth hormones, but iconically most Americans will end up with huge heads if we keep eating nonorganic meats (just a little point).

I have to tell you Field you did not eat a fine dining restaurant because when you make reservations, you are seated upon your arrival. In fact, Field you had ever right to leave if you were not seated within fifteen minutes considering your wife made reservations. It is only right because if you and your wife came to restaurant 15 minutes late, the establishment will not seat you and in fact give your table to someone else. Also, at a fine dining restaurant, dinnerware is always replaced because you will not be eating with the same fork and knife that you used during doing first course. Fine dining can be a very pleasant experience, but it is very expensive as I can attest to that.

I went out with four friends ordered the five course tasting menu (a different wine with each course), and the bill was almost $700.00, fortunately for me my boss that to me as a gift. It was a great experience because the waiter caters to your ever need and I love it. It is really about the service. I did not leave the place hungry because of the number of courses typically your soup to nuts meal.

Field, I do not blame you for being a little annoyed about the dinner and valet parking. Personally, I would have found a place on the street even if meant walking five blocks to the restaurant to avoid paying $20.00 to park. And forget about KFC because for $20.00, I can feed three to four people by making Moroccan Chicken in a slow cooker. Throw the ingredients in a slow cooking before going to work, and by the time I got home dinner is ready with some spinach on the side.

SagaciousHillbilly said...

Whaaaaaatt?! No pork? I thought all. . . oh, never mind. Obviously hillbilly smoked pork was not on the menu.

Well, at least you had ORGANIC chicken. If you really liked it, give me a ring and I'll be glad to ship fresh organic chickens directly to your door. . . overnight. . . at great expense to you.
SagaciousHillbilly Chicken Farmer

Anonymous said...

Hey FN! I guess you forgot about the giant rats at KFC/Taco Bell last year!

Mmmm, pen roasted chicken :droolz

Lolz at the excited grandma on the Obama-aid sidebar.

Anonymous said...

Field, I am not surprised. Your sojourn into fine dining reminded me of a trip to Las Vegas. I took my then-girlfriend up to the Top Of The World restaurant in the Stratosphere tower. The best thing about the place was the view, and the only reason why we got the nice table was the $20 I slipped the host when I shook his hand.

tryexcellence said...

Funny post. Good for Mrs. Field. I've always believed that a man's willingness to indulge a woman in seemingly unecessary requests indicates a willingness on his part to work together towards accomplishing some real substantive stuff. A real sweet and telling story about your love for one another. Sorry about the mushiness.

field negro said...

"Hey FN! I guess you forgot about the giant rats at KFC/Taco Bell last year!"

Please don't remind me.

Damn hennassplace, where is your restaurant? You sound like you really know this sutff. BTW,I exaggerated about the wait, it might have been 15-20 minutes tops :) It just seemed like a half an hour.

no segacious... not all black folks love pork :)And I didn't like the organic fowl that much. I will stick with those bad boyz the colonel likes to serve up :)

tryexcellence, stop with the mushy stuff. You are killing my sexist he man persona.

Anonymous said...

What is up with Tavis ........ is he house of the day ..... his forum about the State of Black America is more important than the O man campaigning in Ohio and Texas ..... and he calls him out on it ...... WTF!!! Here is one of the links on CNN

A.F. said...

Hi Field,

Living with a man who usually refuses to eat at any establishment that doesn't offer free refills and actually enjoys eating IN at Taco Bell, KFC, etc., I have to side with Mrs. Field on this one. Just once in a while, you know!

More seriously, I'm really glad you posted a link to the horrifying Obama-Dallas-security order. After I read the article yesterday, the first comment posted below it was actually "Where is Lee Oswold (sic) when you need him?"

guerreiranigeriana said...

ewwww!!!...i can't believe you went and ate taco bell after that meal!!!...gross!!!...that's why you do the whole sha-bang...order appetizers, main course, dessert and some tea or coffee...your ass should be full after that...i can't believe you ate taco bell...i guess its better than kfc...can't believe you eat that GARBAGE!!!!....

FriĆ°vin said...

"Of course sir". You ever wonder what the waiter is saying to himself when he is waiting on your table?

Yeah, well... considering your attitude I'm surprised you didn't get the YELLOW sauce.


I agree with you though. I have no use whatsoever for those fancy schmanzy joints. Aside from being a vegetarian -- I mean do I really need to pay more than 10 bucks for a plate of food???

Carino's Italian Grill is about as uppity as I ever need to get. Bread, salad, nice pasta dish, cloth napkins, no attitudes. $25 or so for two. Easy in and out.

field negro said...

guerier..., no desert after 8:00PM for me. But a little Taco Bell never killed anybody :)

a.f. that man of your sounds like a keeper.

konagod, I am always nice to the waiter thank you very much.
And how the hell have you been?

hi desert fn, I have been watching that state of black A-merry-ca shindig on CSPAN, and I still don't know what to think of Tavis.

I do know one thing; could they just for once feature some other black leaders besides the usual suspects?


Anonymous said...

Hi Field:

The restaurant is in New York City, lol. However, there are some great restaurants in Philly. I am a bit of a foodie (too much Food Network). I do not know if you have been to New Orleans, it should be a sin to eat food that good but I am glad not it isn't.

As for Tavis, I mean looking at the background with McDonald's and Wells Fargo was like watching one long commercial. I really do not understand why he could not just mention them at the beginning and at the end for sponsoring the event. I understand your apprehension about Tavis. He has an ego and cannot fathom reason why he has one. Does Tavis have any influence within the black community?

Anonymous said...

I can understand not being able to dance, but at least one of yall should be able to fry chicken a lot better than kfc. And chicken thighs are $1.19 a pound. I hate that flowers are $49 a dozen but it keeps me out of the restaurants.

tenacitus said...

As too the undocumented workers in ritzy restaurants read Orwell's "Down & Out in Paris and London" for more juicy details on what they can be like. Though 21st century American restaurants are very different from 1930s French ones.

A very funny post but please stop eating the junk food

Anonymous said...

lol cute post field.

don't blame you for heading out to taco bell, for moi have done that

field negro said...

"I can understand not being able to dance, but at least one of yall should be able to fry chicken a lot better than kfc."

szechaunpork, that would be me. Yes I can fry a mean chicken. I just don't have time to get down during the weekdays anymore.

tenacticus, I can't lay off the junk foods just yet. It's why I try to hit the gym at least three times a week :)

shy giraffe, it's nice to know that I am in good company when I head "South of the border" ;)

SagaciousHillbilly said...

Field, Sorry, I was thinkiing all Jamaicans love pork. Isn't that the official dish of the islands?

field negro said...

"Field, Sorry, I was thinkiing all Jamaicans love pork. Isn't that the official dish of the islands?"

No mon, dat would bi ackee and salt fish.

Wed de jerk chicken a close secon mon :)

Lola Gets said...

Damn, I want some Taco Bell now. I dont think there are any in DC anymore. Just as well, I dont need it.

Im a teeny weenie foodie myself, and I remember I once did a pan-seared (organic) chicken with a red wine reduction over field greens. Dats good eatin'!


Anonymous said...

I prefer the crunchy tacos, that's good eatin'. But Fred Armisen isn't a white man, he's hispanic. I think they count as 3/5th's of a negro for purposes of representation.

Jameil said...

hahahahahahahaha. i LOVE the idea of fancy food and know what most of the stuff means but it needs to taste good. and i'd prefer if you didn't charge me $23 for exactly five ravioli which perhaps not coincidentally were not that great. thanks.