Saturday, December 22, 2007

"Bust a move"!

So last night I was at my seventh, or was it eight ( I lost count) Christmas party of the season. This was one of those shindigs thrown by one of the bigger law firms in town. It was at the Bellevue Hotel and there had to be over 500 people in attendance.

Anyway, I was having a decent time inspite of the crowd. I was making my rounds, swiping the finger foods from the trays, and sipping some cocktails. By the time the DJ started playing the standard party songs, I found myself in the company of some older melanin challenged attorneys. I recognized a classic Kool & The Gang joint , and I think I shook my head ever so slightly. This is when, of course, I got the "why aren't you "busting a move"? query ( Honest to god she said "bust a move"). I preceded to tell her that I couldn't dance. And the truth of the matter is, if it's not reggae or a slow jam, you will never see the field on the dance floor. I just have never been able to "bust a move". I tend to do all my dancing horizontally if you get my drift. Still, I enjoy watching a good dancer or dancers as much as the next person, I just can't "bust a move" unless there is a reggae beat. I can't even do that electric slide, which is a group dance if I ever saw one. "Field slide your ass right back to the sidelines, you are confusing us."

"Come on field, time to head out to the dance floor". I truthfully told her again that I could not, but she wasn't having it. "Come on I know you can dance." She almost came out and said; Your people are all dancers, but she didn't. Still, I could see the disappointment in her eyes. How could a black man not dance to some funky ass Kool & The Gang? I was doing some thinking too; "Why would your racist ass just assume that I can dance because I am black." But I didn't, I just excused myself and went to the next group.

Sometimes it pays to just punt.


Anonymous said...

Okay, now I've spilled way too much of my coffee all over me laughing at this one.
I feel you Field. Having gone to schools where I was sometimes the only "non melanin challenged" person in the room, building, stadium,
region of the state--I got a serious hate on when anyone would try to get me to dance--which I hated doing anyway.
My black ass would judge a budding friendship by the absence of the dance request.
Peace and joy . . . .

chamblee54 said...

jolly solstice field

Christopher said...


I guess you're lucky she didn't hand you a basketball and ask you to throw some hoops.

People are a riot.

Whenever I'm around lots of straight people at a social event like a party -- particularly older than 40 straight people, they're amazed that Jim and I have been together 16 years. I've heard, "But don't gay men, you know, get around?" Meaning gay men are screwing everything that passes by wearing tight Levi 501's.

Stereotypes die hard.

Anonymous said...

OMG, Field, I'm sorry, but dude, it's Kool and the Gang! Even people with no rhythm make some shit up to dance to their songs.

But I'm just messin' with you. Maybe it's just something that you can work on with your significant other. That'd be cool.

The Woman Undone said...

Don't you just hate shit like that!!!

Mes Deux Cents said...


At some point I realized that I don't represent every Black person.

If others think I do, well that's their problem.

Blinders Off said...

LMAO...Score 3-0

Anonymous said...

Field writes: "I tend to do all my dancing horizontally if you get my drift."

Uh, gee no. Must be a bit too subtle for me. :-o

field negro said...

woman undone & mes deux don't you just hate that shit! I was thinking about that again this morning. It's not the first time. This kind of shit happens to me all the time. "You look like you can dance",or, "I just know you can dance"...

But you are right, you can't live your life worrying about other people's prejudices.

Jose, they were playing "get down on it", and honestly, if I was alone, I would have tried a little something :)

"My black ass would judge a budding friendship by the absence of the dance request."

leota2, I feel you. That is one of my triggers as well.

christopher, as someone who has to live with the sterotypes I am sure you can relate. LOL at the referfence with you and your partner. Yeah, those promiscuous gays :)

BTW dude, I have this gay friend and he is the worse f*****g dresser I have ever seen. :)
So for all you folks who buy into the all gays are great dresser stereotype; there goes another myth shattered :)

"Uh, gee no. Must be a bit too subtle for me. :-o"

Sorry gwpriester, I haved to be subtle; kitty might be lurking :)

Unknown said...

Thank you, thank you, THANK YOU for this post. From now on I'm going to carry the damn thing around in my pocket so that the next time someone tells me that I should be dancing I can just give it to them and walk away (I am incapable of punting and tend to start some shit...).
Would that be a field goal?

field negro said...

"Would that be a field goal?"

"field goal", I get it. Now that's some classic shit!

Lola Gets said...

Some stertypes are hard to shatter. I know plenty of Black folks who cant dance, and I know lots of white folks who can! Folks have to learn to take each person as they come, as the individual that they are.

Those holiday office parties are battlefields anyways. You have to be careful that you dont do anything stupid like drinking too much or dancing like an idiot or slobbing someone down in full view of everyone (ok, I watch too much Seinfeld), so staying off the dance floor sounded like a good plan.


JoshSN said...

I am sure the term "melanin-starved" is more dramatic, my melanin-enhanced co-terrestrial cousin.

P. Maestro said...

This made my day, lmao

Francis Holland said...

I'm in Brazil, where virtually everyone can do some complicated dance steps that most Americans would not even try to follow with their eyes, much less do with their feet. And still I have to admit that, like Field, "I can't dance."

If it's Reggae or a slow-jam, then I don't embarrass myself too much, but it it's anything more complicated, Axé and Forró, then I begin to step on people's feet and wonder self-consciously why I'm out on the dance floor.

I can do enough salsa to have fun. I can do enough electric slide to keep up with the rhythm. But, as soon as I have to watch others' feet and try to tap twice here and then twice there, the game is over.

I guess Field and I got the lawyer and writing genes rather than the dancing genes. Some people get both.

Anonymous said...

Sorta flipping the script a bit. I'd say this couple knows how to have a good time!!


Anonymous said...

Hmmm; do not assume that because I am black, that I can dance!!

Also, do not assume that because I am black that I swing a big, big bat and that I can also lay pipe oh so very, very well!!

Well, then again, maybe no; no need to make any generalized stereotypical assumptions here, for I'm more than willing to tell you what is up:

I tend to do all my dancing horizontally if you get my drift.
field negro at 1:27 AM

wink, wink
;) ;)

Some stereotypes we hate, while others [stereotypes] we continue to foster.

Anonymous said...

Gee, don't feel too bad, Field. I'm Irish and if I drink alcohol {more than a very little} I have to go to the hospital. So I don't. Hard to explain that at a party or a wedding. I'm failing the Celtic race I know, but what can I do? At least I can do some Latin steps. Feets do yo thing!

Vacant Lot said...

Its funny, the electric slide is one of the hardest moves to do, because if you are out of beat, everyone notices.

Ann Brock said...

Field, I am seeing you doing Crank That Soldier Boy. Now that look hard. Oppose to standing there doing nothing but, swaying with the music. Merry Christmas!

field negro said...

"Some stereotypes we hate, while others [stereotypes] we continue to foster."

Not sure if by saying how I prefer to do my dancing I was saying that I do it well, but thanks for the compliment.

I think good sex, like beauty, is in the eyes of the beholder ;)

Brian said...

Classic Field Post....

Madame K said...

"Bust a move"?

Did you by chance drive to that Christmas party in a time machine?
You just slayed me with that one.

From one electric-slide challenged individual to another.....I feel your pain, but yet I find the whole situation hilarious.

Poetryman said...

Any excuse to show Tyra Banks is a good excuse.

David Sullivan said...

Conversely, I have had black folks assume that since I'm white I can't dance, blow 'em up on the court and have a small pecker. I've had to do some "education" concerning each of these issues, if 'ya know what I'm sayin'. *wink, wink*

Anonymous said...

Let me be pellucid, translucent, clear, transparent, ...

I am not your stereotypical Negroe on the dan-cin-nin floor, but I am one (your stereotypical Negroe) in between the sheets.

I tend to do all my dancing horizontally if you get my drift.
field negro at 1:27 AM

field negro said...

nsangoma, did you read my comments above? My position on my skills between the sheets is pretty clear. I am not professing anything. You seem to be doing it for me. Do you know something about my bedroom behavior first hand? Are you a ghost from the field's past :)

Anonymous said...

This post has me rolling! Haven't heard "bust a move" since elementary school....

Tired of being broke said...

"Bust a move"? Are you kidding me? Did you go back in time just to attend this party?

Lionel Todd III said...

Haha, happened to me recently. Really can't stand fat white chicks coming up to me, espescially when decent black girls are intimidated.

Asked me to dance? I can't dance. Yes you can, no I can't. Haha. Then she tells me about a fight she was about to get into. "Fighting is immature." Happens to me all the time. At least, I'm not the only to decline.

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