Monday, January 07, 2008

What would Obama do?

My "O" happy day was going fine until my ride on the way home from the train station with Mrs. Field. As is always the case on Mondays, I had a very busy day, and my mind was on all sorts of things. I should have let Mrs. Field drive, because when she drives she is so busy concentrating on the traffic that she doesn't find time to talk much. But of course I didn't; the dumb field Negro was behind the wheel.

"You know my girlfriend ******". "Yes I know her". "Well she joined one of those dating sites to see if she can hook up with somebody." "Why would somebody do that?" I wanted to know. "Do what?" "Join a dating site. Isn't that like a loser move? I mean it's kind of like cheating the dating game. She should just go out into the dating jungle and capture her prey like every one else." "Oh is that what you did?" I look over at Mrs. Field and she has her fight face on. "No, I am just saying; ****** is an attractive lady, why would she have to do that?" "Oh, you think ****** is attractive do you? What exactly about her do you find attractive?" Yep, I walked right into this one. Although the truth of the matter is that ****** is Mrs. Field's most attractive friend, and I could never figure out why she never got hitched. I always thought she was never interested in settling down and was just working on her career. "No field, tell me what you find so attractive about her?" There was no getting out of this. "Look, I am just saying... most people would find her attractive." "Oh they would? Why, does she look like your little friend Lark Voorhies? Don't think I don't see your stupid blog Mister." "Oh come on now, Lark Voorhies?" "Excuse me, what's so great about Lark Voorhies? " "Look, let's just drop it, I can't really concentrate right now." "Why, too busy thinking about Lark Voorhies?" *Actually yes* "No! Look, you had a hard day too, let's just forget it." "And you still didn't tell me why dating services are so bad. ****** is a very busy woman. If she has to join a service to find a mate that's her business" " So she makes a video and markets herself like a damn infomercial?" It's the fight face look again. "You have some issues you might need to work on there big guy."

And it's right about this moment that some clown in an SUV bigger than a damn school bus swings right into my lane and cuts me off. Of course this is right around the time I speed up to catch up to the mother fucker. Mrs. Field, of course, is quite familiar with my road rage issues and she is daring me to catch up to the other motorist. Of course I am not hearing it, and I am testing out the theory that Mrs. Field's car is built for safety and speed. I am speeding up to get right next to the mother fucker that cut me off and ask him just what the fuck his problem is. Mrs. Field is pissed, I am pissed, and pretty soon the driver in the school bus SUV is going to be pissed. Because I fully intend to cut right in front of him and slow down just like he did to me.

But then, I start to think; it's still "O" happy day in A-merry-ca. What would Obama do? Hey, I saw how he defused a potentially volatile situation with that FAKE NEWS piece of shit news hound yesterday. So I slow down, let the SUV go on it's way, and return to my normal driving pattern. Saved by Obama.

"Hey mister, you still didn't tell me what you find so attractive about ******"

I think my "O" happy days are officially over.


Anonymous said...

Field, let those idiots go on the road. To hell with an eye for an eye. Your car insurance premiums and possible your life aint worth it. Classic women are from Venus story. She brings up her friend and gets mad at you for giving your opinion. She really didn't want it, she wanted you to agree with what ever she was about to opine. Its amazing that women think that your ability to judge attraction went away when you met them.

Bob said...

Road rage is exponentially stressful. We can't get rid of the a-holes (we can have fantasies of driving James Bond's cars), we can't get even.

& then having a conversation with one's woman & falling into the same old trap. I used to say to my girlfriend in those moments, "Can you excuse me while I go whup myself."

Anonymous said...

C'mon Field, your wife was trying to learn whether you believed that her friend was more beautiful that she is. I think....

My come back, which may or may not have worked here:

"Sweetheart, no woman holds a candle to you. Sure your friend is attractive, but next to you, she's a rag mop."

Might have ended the whole thing.

And, then, maybe not....

Michael Fisher said...

LOL. I was wondering when she was gonna knock you out with that Lark Voorhies thing. By the way I used to date Lark...

(Just kidding, never laid an eye on Lark)

Anonymous said...

Hey Field,
That Obama juice has gotten you all friendly all of sudden. Keep droppin elbows because we need your clear third eye on the ball. He has not won the election yet. I had a couple white friends tell me today they think some crazy will try and take Obama out. Of course some of them think the world of Obama. I told them I reserve judgement because I have a right to stand back and watch. Detached is going to be my mindset for a couple more months. Tomorrow night he will win New Hampshire, but I promise you in a couple of weeks there is going to be some harsh tactics from the media and other politicians about Obama. He has to be tossed and punched before the seal of approval is final.

Christopher said...

I used to chase people in my SUV who cut me off. I hear ya,' Field, old man.

I was all about settling the score and getting even. Being 6'2" and 235lbs., I always felt I could take care of myself. Then one day I realized my big muscles and my even bigger SUV would be no match for some crazy SOB with a gun.

Nowadays, I have jazz playing on the radio to keep me calm and I just "let it go." In fact, I haven't had a bout of road rage in more than a year.

field negro said...

Good advise on the road rage tip guys.Mayflower,you gave some good advise as well,but I am not sure that would work with Mrs.Field:)

MF,stop messing with me man,I was about to call you.

Chris,you are right about road rage.I have been trying to chill on that.Especially here in Philly.Every one packs a hammer in the ride.

Christopher said...

Culinary Workers Union Local 226 –one of the fastest growing private sector local unions in the United States with approximately 60,000 members, will endorse Barack Obama for president today, From the Left has learned.

Culinary 226 represents more members than any other union in Nevada.

Culinary 226 members work at casinos along the Las Vegas Strip as well as in downtown Las Vegas and at food service outlets at McCarran International Airport and Valley Hospital, industrial laundries throughout the Las Vegas valley, as well as casinos in Reno.

This is a huge endorsement for Barack Obama, as he prepares for a landslide victory in the New Hampshire primaries.

Anonymous said...

Well Field, it seems we are all letting the "O" man guide us in our thinking lately.

As far as the road rage, I am feeling you but being a big black man it's always gonna be my fault if there is an altercation so I "try" to calm down but there are too many A-holes on the road.

And Mrs. Fields is showing some straight jealousy over Ms. Voorhies and with good reason, I always thought she was good looking.

Anonymous said...

Hey, field:

One of the hidden dramas in the race between Obama and Hillary is that Obama stole several of Bill Clintons consultants to work with his chief consultant (Axelrod). These guys got Obama to streamline his message, to wrap all issues around the one them: Time for a change, and it has worked. So now, he can talk to any group, taking their specific issues and wrapping around the time for a change theme.

I still think Obama has to do some work on his healthcare to make it affordable for all Americans, get closer to union and working class issues and find an issue on which African Americans can strongly relate to such as incarceration or poverty issues. But so far he's doing very well on the time for change and hope tip.

What all this comes to is that Obama will not be viewed as a black candidate for President so much as a candidate who happens to be black running for president, a big difference in America.

And I hear that house negroes are so impressed that they are going to leave the Republican party (if only temporarily) to vote for Obama. But who knows? They may find it cooler in the fields than massa's house. Blessings.

Anonymous said...

Well Gloria Stienem just wrote a hatchet Op-Ed in the New York Times this morning trying to say that Obama is benefiting from the white male patriarchy. Senator Clinton is calling out the big dogs for sure.

Blinders Off said...

Chalk it up to a case Monday Blues Field the Mrs. is secure about being with you. Many of us also have no problem giving attractive women their props. Also, let the road rage go. Do not allow someone else to take away your JOY :)

The Christian Progressive Liberal said...

Field, you got caught, dude. LOL, Mrs. Field had you dead to rights; you walked into that, big time.

Maybe after a hard day's work, you might want to consider allowing Mrs. Field to take the wheel so you can decompress and be in a better frame of mind when she wants to talk.

I think the fight face came when you appeared to denigrate the choices her friend made to contact eHarmony, or some shyt like that. You should have acted like Chris Rock:

"Uh-huh. Yeah, I know. I told you that bitch crazy!"

Well, maybe not the "I told you that bitch crazy" line, because it wouldn't have been appropriate. Her friend obviously wants to make a quality relationship; maybe Mrs. Field was thinking you had some decent single buddies who would have been a good match for her friend - offer to facilitate an intro, perhaps.

I'm just saying. And yeah, you might want to channel Obama when you get into volatile situations from now on.

Anonymous said...



Thought Merchant
Politics and commentary for the thinking perso of color.

Christopher said...

From the Left is reporting that as the South Carolina Democratic primary loom, the latest Survey USA poll shows Barack Obama with a 20 point lead in that state ahead of Hillary Clinton.

The South Carolina primary for Democrats will be held on January 26 and for Republicans on January 19. In the Survey USA Poll, Obama is at 50%, Clinton at 30%, and Edwards at 16%.

Meanwhile, a just-released Rasmussen poll for South Carolina allocates the potential vote at 42% for Obama, 30% for Clinton, and 14% for Edwards.

SagaciousHillbilly said...

O my. Things do get ugly sometimes.
But now that we've all got Obama in our pockets, things are going to get so much more civilized.

Come on people now
smile on your brother
Everybody get together
try to love one another
right now.

It's the dawning of the age of the big O.

Anonymous said...

Um...Christopher is hella cute.

Unknown said...

I am the road rage QUEEN Field, but I keep it all inside. Well, not the curses, but everything else. Can't help you on the jealous Mrs except to say, doesn't she have a celeb crush?

ps. is anyone NOT blogging on Obama today? I started out talking about Mama G and still got sucked into the O trap.

Anonymous said...

wng said:
ps. is anyone NOT blogging on Obama today?

I tried. I really tried. I don't consider my blog a political blog... but I ended up posting TWICE about Obama today.

(Once about the Anybody-But-Obama-527 fund and once about the Superdelegates. Dang. I'm caught up.)

I even had to create a "politics" category to capture my growing itch to post about political issues.

And I can't imagine the bug that's gonna bite me as I leave work and hit the news for the latest poll results.

This has been quite a ride indeed.

Anonymous said...

Christopher said that it's predicted that Obama will win in South Carolina by a large margin. But with Hillary's staff imploding and Pretty Boy Clinton making so many negative statements about Obama, it may be larger than Christopher predicted. Black folks, like the rest of America, will resent their putting down Obama and will go against their greedy ministers and irrelevent blacks from the civil rights era like John Lewis and Andrew Young and vote Obama.

Basically, people see Obama as offering hope and Hillary and Pretty Boy as nothing less or more than centrist politicians who will throw their momma under a bus to win an office-- of which they feel they are entitled anyway.

Christopher said...


Check this.

I'm also hearing Hillary is starting to slip in California -- a state the Clintons have owned since 1992.

I'm looking for polling data on California as we speak.

If Hillary begins to slip in New York, girlfriend's dream of being president have all but ended.

Eddie G. Griffin said...

Great read, Field. Let the yahoos have the road and keep your mind on what trap your wife is going to set for you next. My wife is full of them. She remembers stuff that never happened and tried to convince me of the same. Next time, let Mrs. Field drive. Get some shut-eye. Forgive the SUV driver... he knows not what he's doing.

Hathor said...

What's attractive "have to do with it?" If she's your peer, it may be age.

Woozie said...

Although the truth of the matter is that ****** is Mrs. Field's most attractive friend, and I could never figure out why she never got hitched.

She's a Killer Kung-Fu Wolf Bitch, like in The Boondocks!

field negro said...

"Let the yahoos have the road and keep your mind on what trap your wife is going to set for you next.."

Now that's some great advise :)

woozie, you are one crazy sob!

hathor, her age should not deter her from hitting the dating scene. Trust me, the pickings are not that slim for her out here.

guerreiranigeriana said...

hahaha...gotta love wifey, or women in, what do you find so attractive about her?...

Anonymous said...

"Its amazing that women think that your ability to judge attraction went away when you met them."

LOL, jp. I (strikethru)resent(/strikethru) resemble that remark!

And thanks guerreiranigeriana for asking the question we all want to hear:

"o, what do you find so attractive about her?..."

field, don't be surprised if your answer results in a sudden and unrelated argument between your wife and her friend that results in a separation from friendship characterized as "irreconcilable differences." She may never be seen again. hehe

Lola Gets said...

Im sorry your car convo went so badly - but I did find it amusing! Ive never had a problem with any man of mine admiring others. Men are visual creatures, so of course theyre going to notice looks! I dont mind the wandering eye, just as long as its only they eye that

Oh, and just say no to road rage! Its not a good look on anyone.


Mo said...

lol that was funny

d.wattsriot said...

Top shout Mr. Field.
Can barely write this ´cos of the tears of laughter.
Be wary of fools behind the wheel...and the trap´s laid out by yer missus. One former girlfriend used to go on about her size, and one day she said, do you think i´m as big as that woman over there....the woman in question was like twice the size of my girl, so i said, yeah, thinking that she would realize i wasn´t serious. Oh lord, dat was it. No tang for two weeks blood!

field negro said...

d.wattsriot, you are killing me fam..:)

Chuck Lasker said...

Awesome story. I, too, have been saved by "What Would Obama Do?" thoughts. So I created a blog and wrist band around the idea.

Benny said...

when it all comes down to the gristle of reality we learn to understand who we really are
what we really want is to be found in the very heart of man and our ability to accept the audacity of acceptance satisfies us for our own sake, we just have to get out of our own way.