Thursday, November 13, 2008

Dog days.


The worst mistake Barack Hussein Obama made this past election season, was not when he made that comment about "guns and god" when referring to small town folks. It was not picking Joe Biden instead of Hillary as his running mate. And it wasn't failing to keep the good Reverend in the closet until after the elections. No, the biggest mistake his O ness made was promising those cute little daughters of his that they would get a puppy if he won.

Now, as to be expected, A-merry-cans are losing their natural minds over the prospect of this new pet in the White House. (Wasn't eight years of that little man biter, "Barney", enough for you people?) I told you all that white folks love their pets. Do you need any further proof than this? I swear, you white folks are more excited about the prospect of having a cuddly little pup in the people's house, more than you are of having that family from the South side of Chicago. Now the big question facing Obama isn't what he will do in the Middle East or Iraq; or even how he will try to solve this credit mess that we are in. No, the big question is what kind of pup he will pick for those precious little girls. Poor Michelle. I know she didn't have this dilemma growing up, because her parents were...well, both black. Obama, on the other hand,.....well, he can relate a little bit, at least half of him can....

Now the suggestions are coming fast and furious. It seems that picking a first pup will be a major decision for the new president, and A-merry-cans, bless their pet loving hearts, are waiting with bated breaths. Meanwhile, somewhere in A-merry-ca, a lab owner is furiously writing letters to his editor in hopes of influencing the process.

“We have two criteria that have to be reconciled. One, is that Malia is allergic so it has to be hypoallergenic. There are a number of breeds that are hypoallergenic,” he said. “On the other hand, our preference would be to get a shelter dog, but obviously a lot of shelter dogs are mutts — like me. So whether we’re going to be able to balance these two things I think is a pressing issue in the Obama household.”

Oh ohhh, so now we know that just not any little pup can become the first pet. Seems there are some "criteria". See, I knew you were no good O man, the republicans might have been right about you all along. How dare you practice partisanship and discrimination when it comes to picking the little guy? Well you might want to listen to some suggestions before you start setting up these parameters: No Poodles, you could be seen as elitist. No Rottweilers, too mean. (Although I think you might need a good guard dog) No Pit Bulls, we are trying to forget about Michael Vick and that "dark" chapter in our nation's dog loving history. And now, even the American Kennel Club is helping out; seems they have some suggestions too. Just what the hell is a "Bichon Frise"? And just so none of the breeds would be offended, they gave the Obamas a list to choose from. It's a short and distinguished list, all the"Bichon Frises" should be proud. Hell even the government of Peru has stepped in. They actually have a hairless dog over there, [*see pic above] which given Malia's allergies, they think would be perfect for the kids. You gotta love those Peruvians.

Me being the good citizen that I am, and wanting to do my civic duty; I was thinking of some pets the Obamas could bring to the White House as well. I thought, for instance, about a beautiful exotic African parrot. But then I realized that the first time the poor bird said: "Polly wants a cracker" in public, A-merry-cans would lose their red white and blue loving minds. See there? "Cracker"; the bird is only repeating what it hears those racist saying in private.....ahh let me stop I don't want to be too dogmatic about the whole thing.

But seriously, does it have to be a dog? Would Sasha and Malia settle for a nice goldfish, or a cute little fuzzy rabbit? The first rabbit has a nice ring to it. Still, if it has to be a dog, I have a suggestion for you O man; just make sure it comes from the animal shelter. It would send a huge message to every A-merry-can out there, that even a dog who came from a shelter can end up being the first pet some day. Think of the inspiration the little pooch will be to other animals in shelters all across the country? I get teary eyed just thinking about it.

If the dogs could bark "yes we can", they would.


Anonymous said...

"There are a number of breeds that are hypoallergenic." Really? I didn't these dogs existed. I favor the Pekingese currently but I'm sure they're not hypoallergenic. Gosh, I wonder what color drapes they will use, purple is just too pretentious. Maybe a nice maroon color. Oh but I do go on.


Anonymous said...

Come on - you can do better than that! Building on your last post ... why don't they buy the freedom of a slave or two in Sudan and bring them to the white house? That'll drive a lot of people up a wall!!!

Kit (Keep It Trill) said...

Well, he could get a moose or wolf cub and name it Sarahisha.

What? Sarah's supporters won't like him more for this? Okay, okay! Maybe an accompanying set of paint guns for the girls will make the McCainites think the O-family is patriotic.

Anonymous said...

Dude...are you saying you are anti-DOG? Man, you might as well be telling the world you are the Antichrist.

There are other hairless dogs (if you want a real hoot, google Chinese Crested. The first time I saw one I said, Chinese crested WHAT? I could tell it was an animal but that was about it.)

Tsk task on you, Field. There is nothing wrong with loving a dog (or other animal). Most dogs are better than many people I have met.

Gine said...

FTR, I don't think a hairless dog would serve for somebody allergic to dogs; usually, it's the dander or the slob that triggers the reaction. So Malia'd have to find a skinless dog, I think. . . .

Jus' sayin'.

rainywalker said...

It's to bad it has to be hypoallergenic, there are so many animals that need adopted. Barney? That cross between an alligator and a porcupine!

field negro said...

"Tsk task on you, Field. There is nothing wrong with loving a dog (or other animal). Most dogs are better than many people I have met."

Hey, I love a good dog as much as the next person. Now cats, that's a different story.

Still, if I had to choose between a dog and a human, Fido would be pretty much f****d. I am just saying.

kit,"paint guns"? Nope, real gun lovers train their kids with the real McCoy. They teach them gun safety at a young age.

Anonymous said...

Well, I didn't expect to be disappointed in the O man quite this soon. How could he leave Feline-Omericans out in the cold? I thought he was going to be the President of All of Us.

Minnie said...

LOL @ "first time the poor bird said: "Polly wants a cracker" in public, A-merry-cans would lose their red white and blue loving minds. See there? "Cracker"; the bird is only repeating what it hears those racist saying in private"

Malia and Sasha were promised a puppy and that is what they will get. I think they will get either a Bichon Frise or Yorkie. Maybe they should get two, I could see Obama with a greyhound.

Kit (Keep It Trill) said...

"kit,"paint guns"? Nope, real gun lovers train their kids with the real McCoy. They teach them gun safety at a young age."

Uh, it was a joke, Field, for the girls to use paint guns on the WH lawn with moose or wolf named after the Beauty Queen. Oh well.

GrannyStandingforTruth said...

Sharon Ct:

Girl, a cat would have Malia sneezing up a storm. (smile)


Now, for some reason I felt this topic was sort of cute. Although, Granny is not really into dogs, well I did like this dog we used to have when I was younger. It was a Rhodesian Ridgeback, and the pit bull that my sister had. However, I like birds and fish for pets.

TrueBlue said...

They should get a standard poodle. They don't shed, they're smart, they're friendly, and the elitism is entirely a matter of what haircut you give 'em. And if he wants a mutt poodle, then get a brown one instead of a black one, to continue the half black/half white theme.

Oh, and poodles are great watch dogs, in case any schoolchildren from Idaho are lurking around.

GrannyStandingforTruth said...


That would be something if they had a talking dog. Who knows, scientist might invent one, after all they invented clone animals and test tube babies didn't they?

TrueBlue said...

Talking dogs do exist. In the movies. I saw this movie about a guy and his telepathic talking dog, set after World War IV ... well, it was a lot of fun.

Obama, get the kids a telepathic, hypoallergenic, talking dog. Call it Sarah.

TrueBlue said...

p.s.: Here is the best line in the movie.

Hugh O'Donnell said...

The promise to the kids is up to the kids. We have nothing to say about it. :D

Unknown said...

ellen gave them a kennel already.. bigger than my flat... hope they keep the damned thing outside.. ugh..

nyc/caribbean ragazza said...

This post was hilarious.

For some reason I do see them getting a dog from the pound.

Personally I like cats better but can't have any because of my allergies. :(

Anonymous said...

I'm a cat guy, so I have no clue what a "bitchin free-say" is.

The mini-Schnauzer would be annoying as hell because they bark at every little thing, but at least they won't bite Reuters reporters.

Now if you train that little dog to bite Fox News reporters, then we're on to something. :)


Hey there,

For those who need a historical's the list of presidential pets!!

Lord have mercy....millions of women and children are being raped in Africa and Americans are debating dog breeds?!!

{shaking my head}

No, no...we aren't a racist or classless nation at all....noooooo... we just happen to think that dogs are more important than those b-b-b-black people OVER THERE dying en masse...


Field Negro,

There's even an obituary online for Spot, who died this year....

A quote from the obituary:
"She liked dry dog food..."

{shaking my head}

field negro said...

"Now if you train that little dog to bite Fox News reporters, then we're on to something. :)"

I would volunteer to train the little sucker myself.

kit, I knew you were joking, so was I. We have got to "commuminimacate" better. :)

"Feline-Omericans out in the cold? I thought he was going to be the President of All of Us."

Sorry Sharon,loks like this guy is giving in to the canine lobby already.

"bigger than my flat... hope they keep the damned thing outside.. ugh.."

marci, you must be a black person.

"well I did like this dog we used to have when I was younger. It was a Rhodesian Ridgeback..."

granny, what does a Rhodesian Ridgeback look like?

Anonymous said...

Granny, ragazza, r.j., and any closet cat people:

Christopher said...

Kids love dogs.

White kids, Black kids, fat kids, thin kids, rich kids and poor kids.

It's universal.

Having a dog in the house at a young age has been shown to create an atmosphere of love, and in many cases, the presence of a dog promotes emotional well-being and even physical healing to people who may be experiencing an ailment.

What's more important is that dogs are also an enormous benefit to children of all ages. Owning a dog is a great way to engage your kids in the process of responsibility. Teaching your children to be responsible is probably one of the most important aspects of being a parent.

I salute the Obamas for giving the gift of a family dog to their beautiful kids.

Anonymous said...

Dear Prez O'

I have several slightly used dawgz I'm will'n to gave the girlz!!!

Michael Vick

oh, you may want to bring a muzzle :)

Anonymous said...

So, we all heard about the dog the Obama's are looking at for the girls, right?

They found one they all liked....but there was a problem.

Turns out the dog had been palling around with Terriers.

Shady_Grady said...

Dogs are cool. Every kid should be able to have one if they want.

Since there is an allergy issue probably a poodle would be the best bet.

If there weren't an allergy issue I would suggest a German Shepherd. Their loyalty, intelligence and protectiveness can't be beat..

LuLu and LoLLy! said...

We are 2 Maltese dogs, and like the giddy white folks we are white too, only we are also fluffy. This post made our Humans laugh, which is always a good thing. Love, Your PaLs, LuLu and LoLLy!

Anonymous said...

Here's a dog site I bookmarked 6 months ago and forgot about. They're more outside dogs though.


Anonymous said...

The best indoor pet is a chia pet. Maybe they could get one shaped like a dog. I am allergic to dogs and cats too and have absolutely no use for them unless they are outdoor pets. I enjoyed reading your post.
old white guy in LA

Anonymous said...

boerboels are beautiful intelligent dogs

Hawa Bond said...

LOL. Only in America could the quest for "First Dog" trump concerns over the economy. Folks-is crazy in this country.

I got a GREAT chihuahua/rat terrier mix at a rescue. (Pic of my pup here)

Hawa, author of
Fackin Truth Blog (Personal Blog)
Cleanse Master Remix (Health Blog)

Anonymous said...

Christopher is right, I don't think I ever met a kid that did not want or like dogs. They should try to get a dog from the pound or a rescue shelter, it would send a good message. The whole pure bred thing is such nonsense. Most dogs are mutts really anyway. There are very few breeds that are considered "original" dogs.

Lola Gets said...

Dont you talk about cats! Im worried sick about them while Im out of widdle babies!

But I have to correct you on one point Field: Obama promised his daughters could have a puppy no matter what the outcome of the election was, so either way, he was screwed, lol.

Hey, if they want hypoallergetic (sp) they can always get a hairless cat...hehe.


TrueBlue said...

Owning a dog is a great way to engage your kids in the process of responsibility. Teaching your children to be responsible is probably one of the most important aspects of being a parent.

Owning a dog in the White House means that they'll have a dog trainer, and that the Marine guard will have a new job.

TrueBlue said...

Rhodesian Ridgeback. Large, powerful hunting dog.

La♥audiobooks said...

Lola, this coming Thanksgiving will mark the one year since my then 12 old Siamese cat "Wendy" just disappeared. I miss her so much. I have had many dreams about her since then (she even talked to me and said “sorry” in one of them). I can’t even mention the name “Wendy” in front of my daughter. It's sad because I don't really know what happened to her. She had so much personality, oh the attitude, but she was like family and I had love for her. I’ve spent thousands of dollars on her surgery couple years ago without a blink (she fell three stories). I've also had small high breed dogs - I just love small cute dogs.

Anyway, I think this entire "first dog" brouhaha is so cute. (Maybe some folks are using it as a diversion to get over the Obamas “tinting” the white house). Well, some poor dog somewhere doesn’t even know what he/she is in for soon to come. Oh the pressure to never ever ever sh*t on the front lawn, somebody will get a pick I'm sure. This dog will get much more press and attention over Ellen's dog. He/she better come from a squeaky clean background – no chasing cats and biting mail men in the past. Fox news will find out.

GrannyStandingforTruth said...


I'm sorry I didn't see your question, until this morning. Sometimes Granny doesn't see questions directed at me, because I signed off after I posted.

A Rhodesian Ridgeback is a dog that hunts lions and comes from Africa. They are the size of a greyhound dog, very powerful, they're very protective of their masters, and kid friendly.

Jody said...

Tomorrow, Sat. the 15th, there are nationwide demonstrations against Prop 8 in California.... this elicited alot of discussion on this blog.... for those that can, find out where and when the demo in your area will be. For those in the Philly area....

Proposition 8 protest is happening this Saturday at 1:30 in Love Park, 15th & JFK.

To find an event in your area, go to:

TrueBlue said...

They are the size of a greyhound dog, very powerful, they're very protective of their masters, and kid friendly.

Greyhounds are much sleeker -- and much dumber, because they have much smaller heads. The other thing about a greyhound is that you get them from racing tracks, and they tell you to make sure you've got a fenced yard otherwise your new greyhound will run to the next county.

Anonymous said...

Ok since the tone is silly today

Field- How do you know when you are a true Obamaniac?

If you started dancing & singing along you've drunk the kool-aid!

FN, this would be great music to RUN to!

WHAT's going on with that anyway?

Jibreel Riley said...

A poodle?
This must be Obama's white side coming out becuase you know blacks own pit bulls and rock's


p.s. I'm not a huge fan of pepper however I got sum old bay to savor the flavor

p.p.s. Looks like the Philly Gov wants some of that bail out too
man after these next four years that Broad Street Line betta be looking GREAT!

Anonymous said...

Field Negro--You are a DAMN FOOL! LOL! I support whatever dog Obama gets as long as it is not a cat! If he gets a cat, I'm taking my vote back. No real man would ever get a cat.

GrannyStandingforTruth said...

Anonymous 7:40:

LOL! The dog is not for Obama it's for his girls. LOL! But now that I think about it, does that fall under sexism towards cats? Be careful, you know we've got those PUMA folks lurking around out there ready to stamp that sexism label on any sentence with the the word man in it.(wink)

field negro said...

Okay you all should be comedy writers, you are sooooo full of jokes. Take lulu and his friend, for instance; who are they trying to fool? We all know that they voted for McCain and Palin. Just look at them.

abo gato, that was very funny.

"Dear Prez O'

I have several slightly used dawgz I'm will'n to gave the girlz!!!

Michael Vick

oh, you may want to bring a muzzle :)"

Yep, I would say you all are on a roll.

jody, thanks for that link and the info.

jibreel,nice to see that you are alive and didn't jump off one of those "New Yawk" bridges after the O ness took it from your boy.

Susan Gray said...

Thanks for a very funny post after a very long week! Have to tell you field, I love my 110 pound Great Pyranese! My husband passed unexpectedly 3 yrs ago, and I got "George" a few months later from a friend who rescues Great Pyranese. He is such a great dog; we went to training for him to be a therapy dog. I take him on some Fridays to elementary schools where we have students with severe disabilities. Kids in wheelchairs who cannot talk, light up and smile big smiles when they see George. He lets them pull on him, grab his ears or tail, and he is just there for them. Dogs can be a blessing!

field negro said...

sfd928, sorry to hear about your loss. Yes, I guess pets are good for some things.

anon. 5:42PM, don't worry, the run is coming. :)

Anonymous said...

How about one of these dogs?


Mac Daddy Tribute Blog said...

field, I agree with Christopher. Everybody loves dogs-- with the possible exception of Michael Vick.

I love this border collie named Sam. Even though he's gotten up in age, he loves to meet me at the door and guide me into the house and watch over me.

Ever had a dog, field?

Anonymous said...

Good dog

BigAssBelle said...

oh honey, you just don't understand. i didn't either until i was forced to get one to save the spousal life.

once that warm little furry boddy curled up under the covers, snuggled against the back of my knees and gave a great, deep sigh, i was lost.

all of the things dog people did that repulsed me: kissing (ack!) their dogs, letting the dogs lick their faces, hands, sharing plates? I do them ALL.

Can't get enough doggy kisses. We share a glass of water when they're thirsty and on my lap. And when it's time to go to bed, we call the puppies (now two) and cuddle up together, all four of us.

You're missing out. Truly. Dogs are one of the greatest joys of life.

Last time we were in Jamaica, it was great fun telling folks the dogs sleep under the covers and the cat gets fed on the kitchen counter. :-)

rikyrah said...

I hope it's small and cute. that thing Peru is trying to give is butt-ugly.

never had a pet - my sister was allergic to EVERYTHING non-human with hair.

I like cats over dogs, but I wound up allergic to them.

Anonymous said...

This was tooooo funny! But I agree the dog needs to come from a shelter. Just that act alone will give the O man another 4 years in office!

Sista from TX

Jibreel Riley said...

Field: Its all good, when my 60 year old dad was a wash with joy, even I had to pause and clap my hands as this land mark moment in US history. In away it opens the door for black conservatives like me to just be... conservative.
well back to hiding my money in Dubai

RiPPa said...

Wouldn't it be cool if he decided to get his kids a pitbull rescued from Mike Vick's dog fighting...oops, I mean kennel? That should give Obama props with the white people he pissed off with his "clinging to guns & religion" comment from a while back. That plus it'll be considered gangsta by black people and he'll get some street cred from the bloods and crips he needs to vote for him next go 'round.

TrueBlue said...

We share a glass of water when they're thirsty and on my lap.

You lost me there. You can get diseases from that. But I'm all for having the dog on the bed, even if he does tend to find the exact middle of it and plop his big orange Golden Retriever ass right there.

Mahoganydymond™ said...

you're just too much.. I don't see what is the big deal about the dog(s). For awhile that is all they were talking about on the news...

Anonymous said...

freakin' hilarious field...

ThePoliticalCat said...

Lookit, he's so smart he already figured out we'd be getting our underoos in a wad over this and cut us off before it even got started.

Malia Ann is picking the dog. Cause it's gonna be her dog. And she's already picked out the one she wants.

I love this guy he is too fucking smart for anyone to fuck with his head.

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