Saturday, March 01, 2008

Someone worth remembering.


I saw you in the Franklin Mills Mall today. You weren't too hard on the eyes. I noticed the jeans, the boots, and the sweater that set everything off. You had a stroller with an infant in it, and a child who couldn't have been more than four years old trying to walk along with you as you pushed it.


The poor little guy couldn't keep up with you, and the faster you walked the more he tried. You kept grabbing him by his coat to the point where he was damn near sliding on his knees. The entire time you were pulling him, you kept telling him to "hurry his little ass up". The poor little fellow was not being obstreperous, and just seemed to want to please you. You looked angry and frustrated. And looking at those two beautiful children, it was hard to see why.


Honestly, I never mind other people's business, but when it comes to children I often draw the line. Because, in a way, my job involves looking out for children. And when someone mistreats a child I take that shit personally. I almost said something to you, but I didn't feel like the drama. I know you would have told me to mind my own fucking business, and in a way you would have been right.


What made it even worse for me was that you were a sister, and that little boy could have been me many years ago. Thankfully, my mother wasn't like you. I could see some other folks looking at you too. They were white folks, and I could see that they were thinking what I was thinking. Unlike me though, they would never have said anything to you, because of all the problems between our races and in our society. But that poor little boy. He looked so sad and so beat down. And if you are treating him like that in public, I shudder to think of what will happen to him when you get home.


I watched you for awhile, and the entire time I was hoping that someone would pop out of one of the stores to join you. The children's father maybe. But somehow I knew that wasn't going to happen.


Yeah I saw you today, but you better hope I never see you again during a weekday between the hours of nine and five o-clock. Because if I do, I promise you that I won't forget.


53 comments:

brotherkomrade said...

Well Field, I know you have a good heart and your heart was in the right place, but I have to add this perspective; this person being a single parent who may lack the tools or support system can make one act a fool and leave their right minds at times even if they know they are wrong to do it. You are right to be concerned - especially being an officer of the family court, I'm sure you've seen plenty of children damaged by someone who may have just like the person you saw. It hard to tell who is an angry, desperate parent and who is an abusive monster. Sometime they can be the same. So we don't know until we act of say something. I guess my point is that we cannot lose site that the various things hitting someone like the mother will be most likely be the root cause of her behavior and if we lived in a just society, we would have programs ready to build her the support system she needs and she will be able to identify hat causes her anger then she won't be a danger to her child. But still, the child needs advocating fist and foremost

Anonymous said...

Brother Field..I have much emphathy for that situation. Now the best thing is to call 911 to allow once again for our people to be taken care of by every other race. Next time just step out on faith and insure that at least the child will be safe. Your call may be the one that finally bring some protection for that child. Being a lawyer, have there ever been an idea to give grants/social welfare for families to stay intact- mother/father/children? StillaPanther2

Christopher said...

I don't have kids but I have to tell you, I treat my 11 year old Lab better than some of the behavior of parents I've see at the mall, in the supermarket or in restaurants. I don't know if it's cultural or whether people are just assholes. Maybe both. One thing is certain, people today seem to angry and they take it out on the little ones least able to fight back. If you're not going to love and cherish your kids, why have them in the first place?

Zig B Free said...

This has nothing to do with your story but I remember when Franklin Mills had this one popcarn stand that had different flavors like BBQ, Chile, Pizza, Grape and other crazy flavors...I miss that stand.

Oh, and I didnt know Franklin Mills was actually inside Philly city limits until like 8 years ago. I thought it was way out in the burbs.

Anonymous said...

U r sounding a little smug and judgmental there field negro.If she was pushing an infant and had a little one with her (and no visible male around)then at a minimum you could have asked her if she needed assistance. She probably would have said no but it would have put her on notice that her Nasty behavior was being observed. Its easy to silently berate " our people" who sometimes don't have the sense or judgement to do right. Instead of hiding behind the blog and penning a reprimand I would have appreciated u stepping in and saying something even if she told u to f--- off!

Anonymous said...

http://www.silive.com/news/advance/index.ssf?/base/news/120428910150340.xml&coll=1

That happened in these parts a few days ago. You want know why the Killadelphia side bar keeps going up and the kids are so angry, this is why. It's common to see mothers yelling, cursing and berating their usually male kids in public places. It's sad. The absent daddy is too blame, maybe even more than that the mother is(so lay off feminists). Just a crime and shame.

field negro said...

"U r sounding a little smug and judgmental there field negro.If she was pushing an infant and had a little one with her (and no visible male around)then at a minimum you could have asked her if she needed assistance..."

You obviously do not live in Philly. But I understand your point. And I actually thought of doing it,but I am pretty sure she would have told me to f**k off. Not that I would have cared. I get shit like that all the time. But I just didn't feel like it today. And you are right, I was being "judgmental".

brotherkomrade, I understand where you are coming from, and I know the deck is stacked against plenty of people. But when it comes to our children I think we have to learn to deal with the situation a little differently.

StillPanther2, I would not call 911because I would not want anyone from the govt. getting involved with this woman's life. I see what happens when govt. steps in, and it isn't good. DHS is involved with too many of our families. I think that should be a last resort.

yes zig b free, the Mills is in the city limits.

field negro said...

"I treat my 11 year old Lab better than some of the behavior of parents I've see at the mall..."

chris, you white folks and your pets, I swear :)

Anonymous said...

Field I see this shit all the time at the mall and it just pisses me off. When I see the sad look on those little kids faces, it just saddens me. I walked up to this man who was walking and talking on his cell while his pretty little girl was dragging behind him. I was fed up and got in his face and told him to keep an eye on his child before someone snatches her up. Dude stopped midstep, looked at me then looked at his lil girl who was looking up at me smiling and grabbed her and pushed past me still talking on his cell. Some folks just don't care. This man was a brotha and although I was happy to see him with his child, I was pissed for the lack of attention he gave the little girl who could have been no more than 4 years old.

rikyrah said...

FN,

You've made me so sad and angry reading this. It's obvious that she's nothing but an egg donor. When are we going to stop making excuses for folks, that if they had to apply for a license to raise a child, would fail everytime. And, she'd be the first one, when the teacher calls her up to school - IF SHE CAME - to curse out the teacher.


They shouldn't be allowed around fish, let alone children.

rikyrah said...

Now, this can be categorized under I might be too ' sensitive', but then again...maybe not

Anonymous said...

I just remembered about another time I was at the mall and my friends and I where watching this young lady yell at her 2 sons, calling them lil niggas. She saw me standing there with my friends watching in shock and yelled, what the fuck you looking at? I simply said a bad example of a mother. She rolled her eyes and kept walking.

SouthernGirl2 said...

"she'd be the first one, when the teacher calls her up to school - IF SHE CAME - to curse out the teacher".
-----------------------------------
Hello! I had a teacher tell me that one of her students was out of control, disrupting the class, being very disrespectful so the teacher called the MOM. Guess the rest ---The MOM and daughter beat up the teacher! Unfreakingbelievable!

Anonymous said...

I hate it when parents act like assholes with their kids in public.

Christopher said...

chris, you white folks and your pets, I swear :)

It's true. 'specially, us gay white folks who don't have kids but still have love to give.

field negro said...

brotherkomrade, O forgot to tell you my man, that I don't know if this lady was single or not. She might have had a husband, and he might have been at home or at work. I don't know. But she just seemed so angry.

angel-marie must live in Philly. LOL! I have had a similar thing happen to me as well. Sometimes it helpps to put them on notice that someone is watching.

justice 58, tell your friend I feel for her. I agree wot a previous comment that said there is a direct link between the violence that is heaped on these kids and how the behave in society.

rikyrah, sorry to make you sad today. But cheer up, only two days to Super Tuesday :)

Chris, I have to ask why more gay couples don't have. I know a couple of gay couples with adopted children and they are terrific parents whose children are extremely well adjusted. You and your partner should consider adopting. I am sure you would be a good parent.

SagaciousHillbilly said...

Field, I know where you're coming from. I also know what a broad brush poverty and oppression spreads across humanity. You should try visiting a rural Wal-Mart sometime.
It's a fine line between speaking up and MYOB at times. At other times, it's easy to see what amoron someone is being and think "well why the fuck shouldn't I go over and smack the shiit outta that person." I always have to remember that these situations need to be handled carefully. If you insult or piss someone off, guess who is going to take the full brunt of that person's wrath when they get home.
I think the person who suggested you say "can I help you in anyway" had the right idea. Maybe you'll make a friend who you can truly help. I intend to try it sometime.
The world is full of sad cases. Until we make education the #1 priority in this country, we will never overcome poverty and ignorance.

Christina Springer said...

The last thing a stressed out mother wants is to feel judged and corrected. So, when I see this type of behaviour, I always intervene in a friendly, sympathetic, non-judgmental way. And I usually get a relieved and positive response.

Maybe it is different for me - because I almost always have my small one in tow. But, when it comes down to it, my kid is the one who going to have to deal with her kid at the playground.

Rather than "straighten your act up, woman." You could have tried something like, "It must be really hard to be in a hurry with small children. Would you like me to carry your son for you, so you can get there faster?" then, give the boy a piggy back ride to the exit.

At the market, I've had my 4 year old son help a woman with two small ones unload her cart. Or at the playground, I've fed countless children a healthy snack or had a child join our game so the woman could "rest a while." Ours is always the house where neighbors dump their children.

Shoot, I'm tired too. My husband is on the road every other week. But, we made our choices with care and consideration. Others are not as fortunate as we are.

They know they are being judged all of the time. They resent it. And they resent all of the life choices which brought them to this place. Sometimes, the smallest bit of understanding and empathy can make a huge difference.

mp1 said...

Wow. That's some deep sensory game you got working there. I don't even pay attention to a lot of the people around me. That might be a problem. I'm not even noticing the little changes that need to be made; the little problems that are a result of the larger problems afflicting us.

Or maybe I'm just reading into this too much. IDK

Anonymous said...

Field,
A beautiful 2 year old boy was murdered here in Kansas City this week by his mother's boyfriend. I'm so tired of this "mother's boyfriend" syndrome as well as the scene you describe of sisters abusing children in public (and private).
Christina, your idea of helping these women when possible is fantastic, and more of us should follow your example.
Eloise

Kellybelle said...

I'm with you on this one. And, like you, I was hoping against hope you'd say her husband came out of the store and helped her with the kids.

I have two friends, who are white, married, homeowners, employed in their late 20's early 30s. One struggled with infertility and is about to adopt a baby girl; the other just found out she was pregnant. They are prepared for these children. They are dreaming dreams for this children, putting away money to raise them and educate them while these babies are still in utero.
Why can't more of us do this?

Don't get me wrong, I know there are many mocha moms out there handling their parental business. But at the risk of sounding Republican,it doesn't just take a village; it takes a mother and a father (or a father and a father)with the foresight and maturity to plan for and parent children. The attempt to erase the shame of single motherhood has gone too far and now it seems accepted as the norm--when we know these kids are more likely to experience poverty and abuse.

I just don't know.

La♥audiobooks said...

Field, I understand your point, but where was the father? Perhaps more black people (men and women) should just stop having children.

brotherkomrade, I usually play around with talk when I visit this blog and others (sometimes). But, I just want to say thank you for your post, especially coming from a brother. Seriously.

While it's easy to blame that one frustrated parent all the time, people don't realize it's a cycle among some black people. Life is still already harder for black people in general, much more a single black mother (I'm almost sure that's what she was). The only thing life and society holds for them is contempt, and no compassion. We can punish all we want, but prevention is worth more than a pound of cure. God only knows what that woman is dealing with.

I'm trying my personal best for this new year to find a solution or some type of motivation before I choose criticism. Until then...

Christina Springer said...

Anon - I'm with you on this "mother's boyfriend" syndrome. My dear friend lived next to two troubled families. In one, the mother was being abused by her boyfriend. To our knowledge, the other family had a case of the low income blues.

The 1st family put their children out in the yard until dinner everyday. The mother brought out junk food from time to time and the kids even toileted in their yard. The other - whilst putting the boy in the yard unsupervised - at least got him for meal times. Our kids were the same age, 4 to 6, so of course they wanted to play together.

Diversity is a blessing and a curse. These children caused a lot of discussions in our households. (We home educate cooperatively so my son and I are over there a lot.) With the children, our discussions focused on compassion, empathy, gratitude and acceptance. The adults discussed how to remain committed to our philosophical ideals whilst finding positive outcomes for the challenges these children presented.

We were always kind. We were always polite. And we always treated those kids like we treat our own. One day, the little girl (with the abused mother) came by to tell us they were moving. Then, they were gone - no moving van, no nothing. And the boyfriend looked angry for a few days and didn't say hello.

A few months later, the other woman took her child and left. I think seeing a better life motivated these women to get out. I think the fact that my friend is a stay-at-home Dad made a bigger impression about what to expect from men.

Compassion and kindness are key agents of change.

Anonymous said...

t takes a mother and a father (or a father and a father)with the foresight and maturity to plan for and parent children.
True, and a government who steps the hell off and let you make decisions for your child. I work to make good choices for my son. While the government is trying to help other people parent their kids don't limit my rights as a parent.

Bernadette Merikle said...

Not going to say much new but...fantastic way to approach the sitatuation Christina. Maybe it is a 1 in 3 thing. For the most part, We (sister, brother, self) were raised by a single mom--brother less so...evil stepfather in the picture and all) and while they struggle (they have kids, I don't) the example set by single motherhood isn't always inescapable. I've seen folks repeat the same mistakes and end up with the boyfriend or husband who is abusive and just amplifies the negativity of a situation so "present male chromosome" is not the instant salve to single motherhood. Especially if the male chromosome was raised in a situation where "the right way" was to beat and berate to get it done. All that said, I was raised by a strong black single mom who had assistance from her mom who ended up being a strong black single mom too. Sure, maybe (likely) the exception to the rule. But given what I was exposed to, it was the rule. But then again, I was a girl, not a boy lacking male guidance.

Anyhow, judgement gets me nowhere with the tired and beatdown single mama's out there. Like your approach Christina and will try it. For the record though, it ain't just us acting a fool. I live in the beautiful PNW--rural walmart I still have to try and find (that must be a TRIP), but hit the walmart in Renton and see all flavor actin' a fool with the little ones.

field negro said...

Christina, like everyone else said, I like your approach. I am not sure the same dynamic would work for me though. She might think I was trying to pull up on her with ulterior motives or something, but it's worth a try. I will try it next time.

anon. 10:39AM. Don't eveng get me started on the "mother boyfriend syndrome" I can't tell you how many cases of abuse we have had here with that exact same phenomenon.

mp-1...my sensors only go up for children,and the elderly. Although, to be honest, they are always up when i am in the city. Because you just never know. Killadelph is no joke.

segacious...I am so glad you post here; because as someone who lives in rural A-merry-ca, you make us all realize that this problem is all over A-merry-ca and is a by product of ignorance and not race.

BTW folks, sorry for all the typos and missed keys when I comment. I am trying to multi task and I am not very good at it.

Anonymous said...

If field's recollection is accurate (and no reason to think it isn't), this is more than just a harried mother. I have one of the world's most stubborn and opinionated 2.5-year-olds and I wouldn't drag her along and step up my pace to something her little legs couldn't handle even if I was trying to handle TWO other kids at the same time. Sure, I've said some rough words to my girl when she's out of pocket, but I wouldn't berate her while also pushing her past her limits.

Anonymous said...

Field:

I have been to Franklin Mills and remember it being a huge mall that you need a color-coded map to find your way around. So, I do not know what she was thinking how a four-year old could possibly keep up with her in the first place. He can only go so far as his little legs can carry. We sometimes forget that we dealing with children and not adults. I would been angry if I saw her I have witness parents tell their children to shut up when they only want to tell their parents about what happened at school or something that I learned. One parent told her 23 month-old to shut up before she make her kill him before he reaches two-year old the following week. I commute by public transportation, so I see first hand what happens when parents are out of control. I know that single parents can become frustrated, but it still no excuse to take out on your children. We have to remember that can not be the source of which you take your frustration out on them. Children become a reflection of us as well, and would love to see more happy children because their parents are.

This may sound a little strong, but I am going to write anyway. Many people have children for many reasons, and think most of the time the reasons are selfish. Children are a committed and we tend that think about it in that sense. You as the parent must be willing to assume all the responsibilities of being a parent. First and foremost, you are to protect your children from harm and from yourself if necessary. I think parents should make the decisions for their children even if means giving to another person who can do it better than you. Christina mentioned compassion and kindness, I am going to add a third component, empathy. We have to relate to what our children are feeling and thinking. We have to identify their feelings and put ourselves in their shoes because it is a skill children will need to learn as they become older in dealing with others. I do not believe in hitting and talking down to children as you only teach them that it is okay for authority to do anything they wish. Meaning it's not wise to question authority and I think you should. Of course, you teach your children to respect authority, but they should realize that authority is not always right.

Lastly, we do not always realize that children grow and ultimately take of their older parents. Now, it may be a good idea to be kinder to your children so they can be kinder to us when are getting around in hoverounds.

Anonymous said...

Field, that sucks. That sucks majorly.

But in the interest of balance (I'm channeling Beltway Journalism(tm) right now) I remember watching a 30-something white mom being berated in public by her soccer-uniformed child; loud enough that the entire store could hear it, and using language that had I said it at his age, I would not have survived to be a father, let alone a grandfather. Mom just lowered her head into her hand; her body language screamed that she just wanted to sink into the floor and disappear.

I personally wanted to backhand the little shit right across Bed Bath 'n' Beyond.

An obnoxious 11 year old ain't the same as a toddler struggling to keep up with his mother, but just for a moment I wanted that woman to channel someone like the one you saw.

One should certainly be kind to children; but occasionally one should smack the taste right out of their mouths.

(Figuratively, of course.)

SagaciousHillbilly said...

Field, When I was a young guy and new to the corporate world I spent a lot of time hanging around with some guys I worked with who were black and from the local "hood." They educated me in a lot of ways.
The biggest thing I learned however was that they and many of the white people I knew in rural areas were more alike than any other two groups. White people in the burbs were not like poor white people in the country, but poor black people in the city WERE like poor white people in the country. What a road of discovery that revelation put me on. . . 35 years later, not much has changed except it has gotten much more hopeless and much more ruthless in both the rural countryside and the urban hoods.
SH

Anonymous said...

I feel you man, one day at the beach in my hometown I seen some dude beat his kid at the swing sets. I was like 14 or 15 and this guy that was beating his kid was much bigger, and I'm kind of embarrassed to say I just stood there...

Unknown said...

i have just come home from a lovely mother's day meal with my parents and brothers... am chilling with a glass of wine and i say to myself.. let me hit up field.. see what's gwaaaning..

this post has made me so sad.. sad for the child, sad for the mother..
this woman needs to be shown some love and compassion...

field.. if you see her again.. don't lash out.. it's probably the only thing she knows and will be ready for you...
if you reach out.. she'll be angry at first but with the right tone and an offer to help (as has already been said above...) she - i hope - will change her stance.. her child will be happier for it too...

happy mothers day...

Anonymous said...

~
... if we lived in a just society, we would have programs ready to build her the support system she needs ...
brotherkomrade 11:23 PM

Hmmm, society told her to give up them draws in the first place, so therefore it is incumbent upon upon society to cum up with all kinds of support services for her.

My rod, my staff, did not cumfort her, so I have no responsibility here.
`

field negro said...

"If field's recollection is accurate (and no reason to think it isn't).."

deacon blue, not only is it accurate, but I don't think I could accurately convey the anger I saw from that lady towards that child. She was not just a "harried" mother

hennasplace, you are right, the Mills is huge! And it is often very crowded (as it was Saturday) which is why a people didn't notice her in the first place. But as I stated in my post, she wasn't hard on the eyes (Hey, just because I am on a dietn doesn't mean I can't look at the menu :)) which is why I happened to notice her inthe first place.

"This may sound a little strong, but I am going to write anyway. Many people have children for many reasons, and think most of the time the reasons are selfish.."

Hennasplace, it's not strong enough. You are absolutely right! I see it every day.

renko,LOL at that phenomenon as well. Yes, I have seen the kids running the parents too. And you are right, that usually happens with white folks :) With black folks the smacks aren't going to be always "figurative" if you get my drift.

"My rod, my staff, did not cumfort her, so I have no responsibility here."

nsangoma, nsangoma, what are we going to do with you?

....although that was a good line.

Christopher said...

Field,

Thanks for the props. We've talked about it from time to time but it never gets past the conversation point.

Bob said...

I saw a lady smacking her young child in McDonald's in a sadistic way, trying to get him to eat his fries or something. The child was not crying or acting up. Fortunately, I was with my girlfriend, who has a very sweet, trustworthy face. She leaned over & asked if she could help in any way. The lady said no, but the realization that someone had taken notice of her behavior made her stop. It's tougher for man to do that. But it was very sad, thinking that poor child was probably smacked all the time at home over insignificant things, & he'll grow up believing it's how you deal with children.

[flahy] [blak] [chik] said...

That goes along with my belief that some people are not meant to procreate! I witnessed a similar incident @ Walmart today. A woman intentionally left her child at the front of the store, while she did her shopping. By the time she was called to retrieve her 'lost' kid, the woman was yelling @ the store manager, snatching the kid around and upset b/c they paged her on the intercom system!

Hathor said...

I think we place too much value on mothers instinctively knowing what to do. So one has a child and it is not going so well, they don't think of not having another, because they can't admit that they may not be a good mother or capable of handling another child.

I also wonder why many women do not think they have any choice as to having children.

Anonymous said...

It's one thing to have a bad day, and drag your kid along, but the words are what bother me the most. If she used the word "ass" to talk to the child in public, I'm scared of what choice words she uses in private.

I would be judgmental as well, and my smart mouth would have said something like, "Are you in a hurry?" or "Hey, you're dragging your child."

Anonymous said...

FN,

I like your blog, but your sidebar is an abomination. When you put that many things on, it dilutes everything. Can't you just choose a few things?

Anonymous said...

"...it was very sad, thinking that poor child was probably smacked all the time at home over insignificant things, & he'll grow up believing it's how you deal with children."

Bob, it's sad to think children who grow up in these circumstances often come to believe violence is the only way to deal with life in general.

rikyrah said...

Tonight on 60 minutes Steve Kroft talks to Hillary and Obama as well as voters. This is a quote from Clinton:

Q: "Do you believe that Obama is a Muslim?"
HRC: "No, of course not. I take him at his word."



Take.him.at.his.word.

Well, if I needed another reason NOT to vote for her...she delivered.

field negro said...

Rikyrah, I saw that, it was kind of scary. I must admit that I was surprised at her response.

"I would be judgmental as well, and my smart mouth would have said something like, "Are you in a hurry?" or "Hey, you're dragging your child."'

mrsgrapevine, somehow I believe that :)

bob and funkee black chick, Your stories only serve to confirm what I have believed all along. That not everyone was meant to have children.

Mac Daddy Tribute Blog said...

field, I know how hard it is to watch a mother or father be abusive to their child. I don't know about Philly, but here in Minneapolis, many of the mothers I see do this are very young. They look like teenagers.

Because I used to counsel men who abused, this is kind of personal. I became aware that, in black families, abuse is often systemic, meaning the man would abuse (physically or emotionally) the woman and the woman would take it out on her children, in public or in private. I'm not saying this is what was happening. But this is what the women and the men told us happened. Because of this, I usually go up to the mother with a smile, say hello and ask if I can be of any help. I usually say something to the kid like, "How you doing, young man?" In cases where the mother seems especially angry or stressed out, I call 911. But I still ask if everything is okay or if she needs assistance.

Anonymous said...

Well, hate to take this commentary off-topic, but since rikyrah mentioned it...I think we're at a point where all it takes these days is to suggest that a candidate even consorts casually with a single Muslim and he/she must be soft on terrorism. Obama had the misfortune to get Hussein as a middle name in just the wrong generational period AND get photographed with a turban in Somalia.

I'm pleasantly surprised to see that folks haven't gone off the deep end and ran to Clinton in droves based on just those two things.

Of course, in the big race of GOP vs. Dems in the fall, ignorant fears that Obama is a shadowy Muslim sleeper agent could still be his downfall. Country is still pretty well split red vs. blue.

Christina Springer said...

MacDaddy - you raise such an excellent point. I am so thankful for a male strategy. Because Field was right earier that his assitance would be misconstured.

In a response which disappeared to the ether earlier - I suggested some lame things like, "This place is a maze! I sure hope someone would help my wife if she seemed to be having a hard time." or "My Mama and my wife would have my head if they knew I didn't at least offer to assist."

Oh yeah - to Christopher - ever heard that cliche about having kids, "Those that should, don't. Those that shouldn't, do...far too often.

I'm not saying you should go out and adopt a baby. But, all you positive childless folks - who should but don't- please remember that there are so many opportunities to make a huge impact on a child's life in a meaningful way. Whether it is 5 minutes in a mall helping a mother; being a mentor in a mentor program; or creating a reading group at the library.

You don't have to have your own 24/7 kids. There are the returnable ones. And it rocks your world when you meet one of them years later and they tap you on the shoulder and say, "You don't remember me, Mr or Ms Such'N'That, I just want you to know I'm at NYU now or I got this job as a telemarketer"... or whatever they've done. And you smile and say, "I remember you, you're mine. And I always knew you would do something great." So much more satisfying than typing about "them" on a keyboard.

It is all in how we choose to react when we cross paths with a child in need and how we make sure to cross paths with the children who need us.

Lola Gets said...

Hm, ok so my last comment didnt make it up, Ill just try again!

When it comes to gay/lesbian adoption, some states dont make it easy for them to do so. DC doesnt allow for same-sex couples to jointly adopt, so if they choose to adopt, only one is recognized as the legal parent. Thats why my lesbain friends have decided to "grow their own." The non-birth mother will then adopt the baby, and theyll both be legal parents.

I wish that the government would change these discriminatory policies towards gay/lesbian adoption. I would much rather a child be given a good home with gay parents than staying in the system til they age out. I think theyd be much better off.

L

west coast story said...

This breaks my heart. I saw a mother slap her child full in the face because the child wouldn't stop talking in a mall parking lot. I watched a mother scream and curse out her little, sobbing, daughter all the way down the street while yanking on her hand. Called her child names I won't even repeat here.

Anonymous said...

I was in the line at the grocery store and there was this dude trying to teach his son (who couldn't have been older than four or five) to count back change. The boy was clearly either having trouble or was just too shy, but the dude wouldn't let up on the boy. He damn near held up the line verbally chastising him. Fortunately, there was a moment when the dude was distracted so I quickly bent down to the boy and told him "It'll be all right; you're okay." Man. That pissed me off so badly. Field, reading your story breaks my heart--and I understand your quandary. I *hate* when I see people treating children like crap.

Unknown said...

Christ, ya'll are sooooo judgemental, including you field.

Until you are a parent you will never understand how flippin' crazy being a parent is.

I am a divorced single mother of 5yr old twins. They make me insane in public and private. They make me joyful in public and private. I am mindful of my voice tone with my kids, but there are times I might slip. In other words, I am human. So was that mom.

One day you and Mrs. Field will have your Field Hands bringing you joy and insanity like you've never experienced. lol

Until then, check yourself.

Empathy is the word. AND you got this shit labeled under "children violence"? Grow the fuck up field. Damn!

loooove your blog. :)

field negro said...

chula, you are right, I don't have kids. And I probably should work on being more empathetic. But....come on, I saw her, and it bothered me on a lot of levels.

"One day you and Mrs. Field will have your Field Hands bringing you joy and insanity like you've never experienced. lol"

Not if Mrs. Field can help it :)

"loooove your blog. :)"

And I looove the fact that you read it :)

Anonymous said...

cheap wedding gowns
discount bridal gowns
China wedding dresses
discount designer wedding dresses
China wedding online store
plus size wedding dresses
cheap informal wedding dresses
junior bridesmaid dresses
cheap bridesmaid dresses
maternity bridesmaid dresses
discount flower girl gowns
cheap prom dresses
party dresses
evening dresses
mother of the bride dresses
special occasion dresses
cheap quinceanera dresses
hot red wedding dresses

Anonymous said...

酒店經紀人,
菲梵酒店經紀,
酒店經紀,
禮服酒店上班,
酒店小姐兼職,
便服酒店經紀,
酒店打工經紀,
制服酒店工作,
專業酒店經紀,
合法酒店經紀,
酒店暑假打工,
酒店寒假打工,
酒店經紀人,
菲梵酒店經紀,
酒店經紀,
禮服酒店上班,
酒店經紀人,
菲梵酒店經紀,
酒店經紀,
禮服酒店上班,
酒店小姐兼職,
便服酒店工作,
酒店打工經紀,
制服酒店經紀,
專業酒店經紀,
合法酒店經紀,
酒店暑假打工,
酒店寒假打工,
酒店經紀人,
菲梵酒店經紀,
酒店經紀,
禮服酒店上班,
酒店小姐兼職,
便服酒店工作,
酒店打工經紀,
制服酒店經紀,
酒店經紀,

,